


Chasing Fairy Tales

by perrydoan



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Almost Rape, Blow Job, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jared Padalecki, First Time, Human Jensen, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Oral Sex, Tentacles, Top Jensen, Top Jensen Ackles, Witch - Freeform, merman Jared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 00:02:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7912627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrydoan/pseuds/perrydoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared used to love, used to be deep in love until his heart turned cold when the love of his life left him. A young merman with all the wildest dreams became a careless one after being through too much drama. It seemed like he would die with his can-not-be-warm heart ever again. However, he met a pirate who changed his life completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hole In The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was written based on Fabulous Cat's suggestion. Thank you for spending your time reading and hope you guys like it.  
> Also, English is not my mother language, so I can make some mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may want to listen to this song to be able to get the song that Jared sings:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Di7e6QO4sw

There were a couple of soulless eyes on his face day by day. He didn’t know how long he had been like that. But he didn’t care anymore. Everything would always be like that. His life would never be as he wished. After all, was there anything left from a dead heart?

He raised his head to look at the blue sky above. He had used to love the sunlight in The Winchester Land and The Winchester Sea. He had used to love the warmth coming from those lights on his skin. He had used to move his green fishtail and seawater would had blowing up from the ocean surface. Sunlights and seawater would had combine together to create rainbow. And the one had used to be there.  The one had used to be there with him

The one had had dark brown hair with the bluest blue ever blue eyes. The one had used that powerful eyes which had been born to look deep in the soul of every creature to look at him. The one had touched him with his small hands. And he would had slipped his skinny fingers into the one’s hair. They would had gently touched each other’s lips with their own ones. Their kisses had been as salty as sea. He loved his life, he loved his sea, he loved the one. He used to love the one, he loved him so so much.

But then the one left. The one left him all alone there. He still rememebered that fateful day when The Winchester Sea was dyed with a dark color and everything in his life turned to black and white. No more colors. He didn’t know the kind of water on his face at that moment had been tears or blood or seawater. Everything had happened so fast. And he couldn’t catch anything. He let the one get out of his hands. He let the one go forever.

Since that day, he had been dead.

“Jared”, a male voice speaking by his ears, made him get back to reality. Jared turned around, soulless eyes looked at the voice’s direction. Stephen Amell, a merman with brown eyes and blue fishtail. Stephen was Jared’s best friend, he’s the only one who had been through everything with Jared. He himself knew that Stephen had always been in love with him, but Jared didn’t want to lose this friendship. He’s glad that he decided to be friends with Stephen.

"Steve, hey", Jared reluctantly smiled.

Stephen swam right next to Jared, gently moved his fishtail to warm up the water around Jared. It’s funny how mermen comfort each other. They warm up each other’s bodies by stirring water while they’re in the middle of the ocean 24/7. Jared had always thought that made no sense. How could they get a cold? And if they couldn’t, what’s the point of doing that? But that didn’t matter anymore. Nothing was the matter ever since the one had left him.

“Are you ready?”, Stephen looked at him with a concerned look, his hands gently stroke Jared’s hair. Stephen had always been gentle and warm whenever he’s with Jared. Because he wanted to be the one who protected Jared, because he’s supposed to be that one.

Jared didn’t say anything, he just gave Stephen a forceful smile and swam past him. He could feel the merman was looking at him with sadness on his face. Maybe Jared had unwittingly hurt too many people and Stephen was not an exception.

Deep down, he didn’t want to hurt his best friend. He didn’t want to hurt anybody. But his life was a curse and anyone’s with him had to suffer it. That’s why instead of letting Stephen in to warm his heart, he pushed Stephen away as far as possible. He’s too tired with everything. He only wished Death could take him away some night. But after all, was that matter when Death had taken his soul away already from a long time ago?

~~~~~0~~~~~

The night slowly drops on everything like a peaceful picture. On the sky, there were beautiful small stars looking down at him and smiling. A black velvet curtain with glitters was all above his head. Peace. It reminded Jared of those days when he had rolled his body into the one’s arms to watch night sky. They had both lied on an ugly rock which he had believed that somebody left it at the middle of an immense ocean. Mermen and mermaids hated it, but he didn’t, he always loved it, maybe as much as he loved the one. The warmth from the one’s body had covered him, hugged him and Jared had thought he’s so small in those arms. The one had put a small kiss on his brown hair. And he had always found himself in the kiss’ sweetness. It’s different from the sea’s saltiness and the sun’s heat. It’s just lightly and mellow like night sky. The peace before the storm.

Jared resurfaced, he guided his eyes to the rock, it’s different then. It’s like an old habit, Jared swam to it and took a deep breath, tried to find the feeling of love which had left him for so long. He touched the pale object and a hot water flow came down from his eyes. The rock was like a small knife cutting right into his heart, made it ached, bleeding and finally killed his heart all over again. Jared felt tired. He just wanted everything finished so quickly that night

He swam behind the rock and lied his body on it. And then he started singing.

 _"Upon one summer's morning_  
_I carefully did stray_  
_Down by the walls of Wopping_  
_Where I met a sailor gay_  
  
_Conversing with a young lass_  
_Who seem'd to be in pain_  
_Saying, William when you go_  
_I fear you'll ne'er return again_  
  
_His hair it hangs in ringlets_  
_His eyes as black coal_  
_My happiness attend him_  
_Where ever he may go_

 _From Tower Hill_  
_To Blackwall_  
_I wander, weep and moan_  
_All for my jolly sailor_  
_Until he sails back home"_

Jared’s singing voice was like a small wind blowing in a peaceful night. His voice went across thousands of beaver, it touched the young men’s hearts, it made a guy cry because of its sadness. Jared gave all his soul into the song and he asked ocean waves to send it away, far far away. He asked those waves to bring him a young sailor who was moved by a sobbing merman who was crying for love. He begged Nixie to bring the sailor by his side to warm up his icy heart. Just like that, he was singing for him, for the sea, for the waves, for the night sky, for the winds, for the sailor and for nobody.

Maybe Nixie did cry when He saw the young merman. That’s why He called out the waves to bring him an enormous ship from some prosperous city. And there he was. The young sailor named William in Jared’s song. He’s there.

Jared shyly hid himself behind the rock. He bashfully sang:  
_"My sailor is as smiling_  
_As the pleasant month of May_  
_True love has grafted my heart_  
_Give me my sailor bold_

 _My name it is Jared_  
_A merchant's son tough_  
_And I left my parents and_  
_3 thousand pounds a year_

 _My heart was pierced by cupid_  
_I disdain on glittering gold_  
_There's nothing can console_  
_But my jolly sailor bold"_

Jared’s voice guided the sailor guy, brought the ship getting closer to the rock. When he stopped singing, the time seemed to stop passing. The ocean stopped waving, the winds stopped blowing and the ship stopped moving. And he showed up. In a full moon night, the sailor showed up, he’s as strong as a God.

Or not.

Jared offered a smile, a smile that was blacker than the night sky, darker than the ocean floor. Jared was blushing by the rock, his voice was shiver:

"Hello, my man", said Jared, his voice was very low that the sailor did almost miss.

"Hey", said the sailor.

“Who… Who are you?”

 "I am Jared, a merman", Jared answered. He nicely moved his green fishtail. The light color was outstanding in the middle of the night, it took everyone’s breath. He’s as beautiful as a holy creature, he made everything bow down before him, his eyes showed pain and joy at the same time, his smile made people drunk like a kind of wine.

The perfection in front of the sailor guy sent him a shiver. That’s the thing which nobody could never dream of. The sailor bowed on the deck, hoped that he could be a little closer to the merman, just a bit closer, and if this costed him death, he would be happy to pay

"Please come to me", said the sailor, his hand reached out to the emptiness.

From the smooth sea, Jared slowly resurfaced, he gave the sailor a glamorous touch from his own hand. And that moment, the man was lost. He tried his best to reach out, to touch Jared more, but he couldn’t, and it made his heart ached.

"I want to be with you, my sailor", Jared said with a quiet voice, his hand was stroking the sailor’s hair.

"I... I do, too", the sailor answered.

"Will you be willing to die for me?", Jared asked, his eyes were almost tearing. They sparkled with a breathless beauty.

"Yes! Of course, yes! For you, I would do anything. Please be with me, Jared”, he tried to reach Jared once more.

Jared smiled, he offered the sailor his hand. His hand was so beautiful, if nobody admitted that it’s perfect. Each long skinny finger connected with soft palm, small wrist linked with an arm which was both strong and gentle. The sailor felt like he’s crying inside because of this beauty. He held the merman’s hand. And right when he did that, everything completely changed.

Coldness was running all over his backbones, numbness was covering all of his muscles, his breath was getting shorter and shorter every second, and his heart was beating faster than ever. Was this the feeling of love? He asked himself. The 18-year-old young man hadn’t once been in love, but if this was love, maybe he didn’t want to share it with someone else but Jared.

 "Look into my eyes", Jared said. And the sailor did as he told. That moment, he saw nothing but coldness in the merman’s eyes. Pain and loss hiding deep inside his eyes tightened the man’s heart. Who had hurt a beautiful merman? Who had put tear in his eyes?  The sailor wondered so, but nobody was there to answered those questions.

Then he felt his warmth was leaving him. It left him and put inside of his body the coldness from Jared’s eyes. When Jared touched him, his body was completely unmoved. And the sailor’s eyes only were there to witness a blue light making its way from his throat to Jared’s mouth. That moment he realized what was going on there. But maybe, everything was too late. Jared had already swollen his soul and he could only touch that beautiful heartless face one more time before darkness came to his mind. The sailor was dead.

And on that night, nobody knew how many innocent souls that were led to death by Jared’s song. And on that night, nobody knew how many fake smiles that Jared gave out to fascinate sailors. Nobody knew, including Jared.

~~~~0~~~~

Forget the story about a little mermaid saving a young princess on a storm night. Because it was just a fictional story. It was for innocent people who always helplessly tried to find their unrealistic dreams. And Jared? He’s not the little mermaid swimming out from some fairy tale. He’s a monster with a beautiful outlook and a charming singing voice. He didn’t save anybody, he took sailors’ souls. He had used to protest that, he had used to protect others. But then, what’s left for him to care? The one he used to protect had been gone. Who else would he protect if he couldn’t protect his own heart?

Tonight, Jared would sing again, and tonight, another ship would come to him, would love him, would be willing to die for him, and would die because of him. It had always been like that. Nothing changed.

Or not.

Jared carefully swam to the sailor with curly hair, his hands were shaking and it made Jared got interested in. The tall guy watched Jared with a sweet smile. Jared offered him his hand. And he would take it. And Jared would swallow his soul. Everything had always been so.

When nothing could ever be as perfect as this moment, a strong voice came out: “Brock! Stay away from him!”. Jared startled, he was about to swim away and leave his trophy. Right away, a rough hand grabbed him. Jared moved his tail violently to push the hand’s owner. The owner fell to the sea.

It’s not human, Jared’s head was screaming at him to warn. If he could look right into Jared’s eyes without being brainwashed, it meant he must be a sea creature. That creature winked at him, a quick smirk on his lips. Jared scratched the creature’s chest. No blood. That one was dead. Besides marines, only dead people were able not to be brainwashed by mermen and mermaids. But how could this happen?

"Vampire, baby", he said with a smirk. And that’s what Jared’s aware of before darkness from the night got on his sight.


	2. The Stranger In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared closed his eyes and took a sleep. And that night, he accidentally dreamed about some stranger's green eyes, he accidentally felt some stranger's warm arms. It's just all accident. At least, that's what he thought.

A strange warmth was all over Jared’s body. He didn't feel saltiness on his lips as always, there’s no cold ocean currents around his fishtail like usual, no more plankton which followed him all the time like those fans admiring their idol. He couldn't feel the ocean anymore. He couldn't feel anything. He could only feel that damned warmth around him.

Jared tried his best to open his heavy eyelids. Without the sea feeling, he was like a dried fish. All of his vitality was fully taken. He felt like a corpse which hadn't come to its decomposition date.

“Are you awake?”, a soft voice by Jared’s ears. He had never heard that voice before. He had not be able to open his eyes yet, but he guessed it’s a voice of a boy who was from 8 to 10 years old.

“My name is Colin. Colin Ford”, the kid offered Jared a hand to take his. And this was his chance. He was not strong enough to sing, but with a touch on a hand, he could control anybody. However, he’s not sure what would he make an 8-year-old boy do for him. Jared tried as hard as possible to reach out for Colin, but the boy just suddenly went away before Jared could touch him.

“Yes, captain”, the boy said before he disappeared. The kid's image slowly blurred out in front of Jared's could-not-be-opened-yet eyes. When his mind had not returned to reality yet, he felt a salty kind of water all over his lips. Salty water. It's salty water! He nearly shouted with joy. Nixie blessed whoever getting salty water into his esophagus. He felt like he just came back from Hell.

Jared was thankfully whoever brought back his energy, and then he chuckled at how stupid that person was. It must be a man who fell for Jared, took care of him because of his beauty, his vulnerability that he had used them to trick others. That man's life would end up like others'. But maybe, just maybe, Jared would give him a quick death, quicker than other humans. Because whatever happened, Jared still owned that man something.

"You're really pathetic, you know? You planned to hypnotize an eight-year-old kid", said a young man who just left with an empty bottle on his hands.

Finally, he could manage to open his eyes. He was lying on a small bed with a thin mattress, an old bed sheet and a medium pillow. All of them were white. They're not florid, he's sure they're not expensive, either. However, they brought him a comfort and an obnoxious warmth which couldn't be compared with anything else. But how could he even compare them with anything else while this was the first time he's on a ship? Basically, everything was warmer than under the sea.

"Welcome to the ship", said the man pulling a chair to sit in front of Jared. The young merman quickly glanced at the mortal man who was facing him. And immediately, Jared felt insecure. The mortal man looked absolutely normal. However, the aura from him showed that he's a King of Seas, a God of Mountains, a Hero of Lands. His green eyes illuminated right into Jared's soul, his smile on his soft pink lips gave Jared shiver. He didn't know what's going on with himself. The hypnotist from ocean was now being hypnotized by a mortal man from earth.

"Jared, right? I heard you sang so. But I don't think you're any merchant's son. Unless your father is a sailor's souls seller", he spoke. While his warm low voice was coming out, his fingers were interlocking. They're not as long as Jared's fingers, his hands were not as big as Jared's, but they're all stronger than Jared's, so much stronger.

Jared turned his eyes all over the guy's body and when his legs stretched out, Jared felt like his soul was taken away. They both hid behind his faded black pants, but they're really beautiful. There had been a time when Jared had wished he could walk like humans, but he had soon realized that it's just a kid thinking. It's pretty strange when those thoughts came back to him when he sat in front of a sailor. Maybe he was envious with how beautiful the man was. Jared the merman, the most beautiful creature from The Winchester Sea, was now feeling overwhelmed in front of a trivial creature from The Winchester Land.

"You don't talk as much as sing, do you?", he spoke with wry.

"I have nothing to say with a mortal man", Jared opened his mouth. His voice was as cold as ice. To be exact, it was as cold as his heart.

"Wow... You can speak!", he pouted with an interesting voice. It made Jared sneered at the man's innocence.

"Say some more, merman. Show me what will you do to escape this ship. Because it will take you to The Winchester Land, where people crave watching a merman. And... if I'm not wrong, there are a lot of crazy people who want to eat you. Some people say that mermen's meats can help them to be immortal." He spoke, bit his lower lip like a challenge.

"Stupid! I will get out of here before you can even realize", Jared said.

"Oh yeah? How?", he raised his voice with interest.

The mortal man left his chair to head to Jared. He sat on bed and gently touched Jared's arm. Jared felt his body was getting warmer, his breath was getting unstable with physical contact that the man just gave him. Jared tried his best to stay calm, because this was his chance. All he needed was the man to take one look at him while his hand on the man's skin, and then the man was all his. He would obey Jared just like a good fish.

Jared timidly raised his hand to touch the sailor's face. He was surprised by how his hand loved it. The perfection in front of his eyes made his hand lose control. Jared smoothly glided his thumb over the man's soft lips, the sailor's breath coming from his mouth made Jared lost. Jared swallowed hard, at some second, he didn't really know who was in control here, who was mesmerized here, Jared or the man.

"Look into my eyes", Jared quietly demanded.

The man did. He looked at Jared's hazel eyes with his green ones. The sailor was being obeying just like a good small fish, Jared triumphantly reminded himself.

"Are you willing to die for me?", Jared gave out a seductive smile which had swollen many poor souls. The man smiled like a soulless person. That's how Jared knew he won. He won like he always had.

The sailor guy slipped his hand through Jared's brown hair and gently pressed Jared's nape to bring their faces closer. His hot breath touched Jared's sensitive skin, he was acting like a big fish which was slowly watching its prey in enjoyment. There's something wrong here. A hypnotized man couldn't control by himself. Before realizing that, Jared suddenly felt a soft kiss on his neck with a low voice by his left ear.

"Why do I have to die for you?"

Jared startled and pushed the man away from his body. It made the guy laughed with joy. Dammit! First, a vampire and now this. He couldn't believe he just failed twice a night.

"What the hell are you?", Jared said with an angry voice.

"Calm your tail down, fish man. I'm just a normal person", he smirked.

"If so, why are you able not to be mesmerized by me?"

"Hey, no offense, but don't just think everybody loves you. You're beautiful, yes, but don't be so sure that you're my type, okay?", he raised his eyebrows and mockingly smiled.

"Don't be bullshit! The importance is not about beauty. Mermen and mermaids have magic. We're able to blind humans by our singing voices and beauty. When..."

"When humans are enchanted by a merman's singing voice, he will come right to you. Because they're curious. When they see something too beautiful to be true, they will want it, because they're greedy. Mermen's magic is based on two weak spots of human beings. I'm not wrong, am I?"

Jared was quiet. He couldn't believe in his own ears. Was a man exposing mermen's trick? Since when could a man be strong enough to get through a merman's trap? Since when could a man be smart enough to learn about mermen? He couldn't understand.

"Hey, are you alright?", the sailor snapped his fingers in front of Jared.

"How? How could you know all of these?", Jared frowned.

He slipped his hand through his own blond hair, "Just think that I have too many free time in my hand."

"Nonsense! I demand you to speak!", Jared angrily said.

The sailor stood up from his wooden chair and got closer to Jared, "Give me a good reason why I should tell you, please. Prince, don't think just because you're able to control others by your beauty, you can raise your voice here", his lips was too close to Jared's ears, "Try to behave".

Jared was numb, unmoved, he just looked at the man with his half scared, half interested eyes. He felt his heart was beating faster and his lips were trembling. He didn't understand what kind of feeling was that. And he didn't even understand why he was feeling that way.

The sailor guy stepped back, he walked towards his working desk and poured himself a glass of water. Jared observed him, he didn't know whether he could speak or not. His head kept screaming that this guy was a dangerous man. Unfortunately, Jared was a stubborn son of a fish, he didn't listen to anyone, even himself.

"Hey!", he swallowed hard.

"Hm?", he took a sip of water, raised his eyebrows and looked at Jared.

"You... What would you do to me?", he spoke with a couple of frowning eyebrows.

"Hmmm...".

Putting his glass on the desk, he licked his lips and leaned to Jared. Jared felt his air around him was vanishing and when the man sat by his side, Jared knew that he's being scared of this guy. The mortal bit his own lips, put his chin on his hand and pretended like he's thinking about something. And then he smiled hauntingly while Jared was watching him in silence.

"Oh my Jared", he broke the air, "You wanna know what I would do to you? Hmmm... There's so many things for me to do to you, you know? I can sell you to a rich man who will worship you as if you're a God. Or I can sell you to a pervert son of a bitch who will fuck you by the way that neither of us wanna know. You will suffer the pain and shame, but you're alive. Or worse, I can sell you to a chief. And he will pay the highest price ever to get you, because just a bite of you, people can turn to be immortal, right? You will be butchered slowly with the sharpest knife, that man will avoid your aortas, so that you can watch how nice and pretty you are on a dinner table...", he looked at Jared with his dark eyes.

Jared felt as if all of his nerves were too stretched and about to break. Everything he's hearing was too much for him. And then he remembered the story about a mermaid named Donna who got taken by a pirate and suffered all the horrible things he did. Jared had used to think that had been a scary story for kids, because there's no pirate could get through a merman's song. And clearly, Jared's wrong. And more clearly, he's now Donna.

Jared closed his eyes when the man's hand was sliding on Jared's skin. He hoped that he wouldn't drop a tear in front of a mortal guy. "Oh my Jared, are you being afraid? Don't worry, maybe I can reconsider, you know". He broke the distance between his lips and Jared's ear, "Maybe if you're a good boy, I can keep you for myself", his heat was all over Jared's neck, "Only mine".

Jared stopped breathing with so much feelings he'd been through at the moment. He didn't know what to do then. He couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't hypnotize, couldn't call out for Stephen. Literally, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't even control his own trembling body. He hated himself for being so powerless. If the one's here, he could be able to protect him. But he himself knew that wishing for the one to be here was so much more unrealistic than wishing for this damn sailor to let him go.

Hand raised Jared's chin, he gently demanded, "Open your eyes, little merman, look into my eyes". Being helpless, Jared slowly opened his almost tearing eyes to look at him.

He smirked before getting his lips closer to Jared's face and at some second, his lips unintentionally touched Jared's. He whispered with a warm low voice, his breath made its way into Jared's mouth. "My Jared, I just decided what to do with you", his hand gently stroked Jared's brown hair.

"I'm gonna let you go"

Jared felt like his heart just stopped beating. Everything happened so fast. A second ago, there's a dark dangerous scary green eyes in front of him. Those eyes of he who dominated. And now, Jared was looking right into a couple of slightly innocent gentle green eyes. Those eyes belong to a young beautiful man.

"I... I don't understand... Why?"

"Hmmm... I don't know. I like it", he left Jared's bed and dropped himself on a wooden chair.

Jared turned to look at him, "Don't you think it's very dangerous? I can be strong enough to destroy this ship of yours, I can call out other mermen, I can gulp your men's souls."

The man nodded as if he's considering Jared's words, but the truth was that he's just teasing Jared. "Nah, you won't".

"How can you be so sure?", Jared raised his voice.

"I don't know. Eh... It doesn't even matter, to be honest, I like challenges. There's nothing fun if you just take something too easily. Besides, the more mermen come, the more money I can get. There's nothing to be worried about", he winked.

Jared considered what the man was saying. Maybe it's what he wanted. He wanted Jared to get more friends here, so that the sailor would catch them all. Maybe he's using Jared as a bait.

"Don't you wanna be home? Fine, I'll take you to earth then..."

"No! I want to go home!", Jared straighten.

"Very good! So let it be", he got up from his chair and poured himself another glass of water.

"What do you want in return?", Jared wondered.

"I don't know. Nothing? Who cares? You only know that you're gonna be home", he shrugged.

Jared silently observed him. He swore that he could see the triumphant look on the man's face.

~~~~~0~~~~~

There's too many strange things happening in this planet every single day. And one of that must be the scene of a merman in a man's arms. That's the thing which Jared could never think of. He had never thought that a man could have this ability. Maybe that had been before Jared met him.

The sailor picked Jared from his room to his ship's railings with definitive steps. Jared was helpless in his arms like a small goldfish in a tank. His arms wrapped around the merman, his eyes were facing towards while Jared's hands on his own fishtail and his eyes were sticking on the floor.

In some moment, when Jared looked above, he accidentally saw the man's green eyes were on him. The man smiled at him and Jared's face turned red. He hated that guy, but he couldn't deny that the dude was a beautiful son of a man. He accidentally caught a lot of round dots on the sailor's face, accidentally saw the man's charming lips, and he accidentally applied his face too close to the man's chest, accidentally felt the man's heartbeats. It's all accident. He didn't mean to do that. At least, it's what he thought.

The man stopped his feet by a ship's side and his eyes were looking into some far away space after taking a deep breath. Jared suddenly felt like the guy was about to say something, but then he didn't. Jared wanted to ask, but he didn't dare. He didn't want to push his luck. Maybe if he asked, the man would change his mind and locked Jared up.

The sailor bowed down and gently put Jared towards a piece of wood connecting from the ship to some space. Jared had used to see some pirates using it to execute betrayers and other sailors. Jared felt the sea aura was underneath him and he jumped out from the guy's arms right away.

He dived deeper and deeper till he couldn't see the man anymore. He didn't want to get caught again, he wanted to go home. And he kept swimming, kept swimming, kept swimming until those red coral reefs appeared in front of his eyes. Jared only stopped when he felt the coldness of sea water hugged him, washed all human's smell from him.

Jared closed his eyes and took a sleep. And that night, he accidentally dreamed about some stranger's green eyes, he accidentally felt some stranger's warm arms. It's just all accident. At least, that's what he thought.

~~~~~0~~~~~

He stood by the railings, a bottle of beer was on his hand and his eyes were looking into some empty space. He loved night skies, they're always peaceful and nice. He wondered himself if the sky was the only thing that had no limit. If it's true, then he honestly wanted to be a bird. He would love to fly to a far, far away place where no one knew who he was, where he could do whatever he wanted. He would not be bounded to anything. But then he felt how lonely he would be. And that thought made the sadness swept over his eyes. He could only sigh.

"Ackles!", a voice forced him to get back to reality. He turned his head back and there's a tall man looking at him.

"Olsson", he answered with a wink.

The man headed to him with a blood bag and he drank it as if that's natural. The sailor grimaced: "Dude, how many times have I told you? Don't drink blood in front of me!", he punched the guy's arm.

"Huh, it's necessity. I'm a vamp, anyway. And also, I'm older than you, show me some respect, kid", he said with his white fangs.

"Yeah, yeah. Put your fangs away", he smiled.

"So... Why?", Olsson looked at him.

"Why what?"

"Why did you let the merman go?"

He looked at Olsson then turned his face to the sea and took a sip of beer.

"I don't know. Maybe because I don't want him to be away from his family. Maybe because I understand the feeling of being away from family", he said quietly. And his eyes showed an unreadable sadness.

"Hey", Olsson said, put a hand on his shoulder, "We both know that feeling".

He smiled at his vampire buddy who was sharing a moment with him. Maybe because Olsson knew him better than anyone else.

Ty Olsson, a vampire living from the last century had been cursed to be immortal. He had had to watch his own family got old and died, had to hug his own daughter's body while she's 60 and he looked like a 30-year-old man. What kind of pain could be as horrible as losing someone you loved? Nothing. He had been lost for a long time, he had pillaged and killed a lot of people until he met that guy, a young orphan pirate.

You could believe it or not, the pirate had beaten the vampire. And instead of hanging him up, torturing him, burning him like what people always did, the guy had offered Olsson a hand. A deal had been made that day. If Olsson would never suck out humans' blood again, the pirate would be willing to be friends with a cursed creature. On those first days, he helped Olsson drink animal's blood. There's a time when Olsson couldn't take that disgusting kind of blood anymore, the guy cut his own hand and gave it to Olsson. "I would rather be willing to let you suck out all of my blood than watching my friend doing something wrong", said the sailor. And Olsson stopped himself. After all, the honesty from the young guy had beaten a vampire's blood thirst. Sometimes, Olsson wanted to thank the guy for being with him, but he knew the guy always got it.

Olsson sighed: "What if you die tomorrow? Do you think that you would meet your parents?"

The sailor turned his eyes to the night sky where the stars were shining, "I don't know. Maybe so. I just hope that after I'm gone, you're still a good man".

Olsson laughed: "It's hard, dude. Without you, I'll be pretty lost".

He looked into Olsson's eyes, "Promise me, Ty. You'll be a good guy even after I'm gone".

Olsson was silent for a while and then he said, "Only if you died. I'd never let anyone touch you, you know that".

"You're so gay!", he punched Olsson's arm with a smile.

Both of them was laughing before Olsson opened his mouth, "Don't you think the merman would call out his gang to deal with us? I mean, we're both uninfected with mermen's magic, but how about the others? Brock was nearly dead and Colin was too young. After all, this trip was supposed to be just two of us".

"Ty", said the man, his hand was on the vampire's shoulder, "I know that being on the ocean is very dangerous, but could you ignore those kids? When we robbed The Lady In White Ship, Brock was almost executed by those rich assholes. When we met Colin, he was almost turned into a sex slave for a dick who was as old as my grandpa. I prefer letting them be with me. At least, we can protect those two. When we're home, they will be safe by warm blankets and soft mattresses in my house. Besides, don't worry about that merman", he smiled.

"Why?", Olsson raised his eyebrows.

"Because I'm really sure that he's not calling anyone to come. He himself would appear again though", he proudly smiled.

"If he could get away from us, why would he get into dangerous place again?", Olsson frowned.

"Because, Olsson, did you forget how humans are? Human being is the kind of curiosity and ambition. Humans want to undertand what they don't know, get what they don't have. That's why humans get into mermen's traps. And he's a merman, Tyler. If his human part was bigger than his fish part, then he would look for me again", he grinned like a kid.

"Why?"

"Because I'm what he's curious about. A man who could get away from a merman's trap", he winked.

"Jensen Ross Ackles, you're such a crazy son of a bitch!", Olsson shook his head.

"Since when I'm not?", he laughed.

That night, Jensen knew someone was dreaming about him. He just hoped that someone was a merman with brown hair, red lips and a green fishtail which was as green as Jensen's own eyes. He just hoped.


	3. The Moon In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon light that night shined the way for two lost souls inadvertently met each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want to listen to this song to be able to feel Jared's song in this chapter:  
> http://www.letssingit.com/tori-amos-lyrics-merman-nq3qkht#axzz4JMzE0ikX

There's a affectionate gaze looking at him, there're sweet lips smiling at him. "Hey, Jared", a soft voice speaking by his ears which caused him smiled. Jared felt tide line was rising in his heart when the one slid his hand through Jared's hair, whispered some small jokes to him. He gave the one his most warmest kiss and the one did the same thing with him. And then both of them only lied on that ugly rock to watch the deep blue sky. If he could wish, he would wish to be a bird to be able fly by the one's side to some far away place where no one could ever be there except them both. And he could feel some comfortable warmth all over the blue sea when he heard his love softly whispering those three words. "I love you".

Suddenly, the blue color from the sky was dominated by the black color from the sea. He heard lightning flashed and he held the one so tight. But then his hand got weaker, he's not strong enough to hold his love anymore. Hot tears were dropping on his cheeks. The one screamed his name while he's just silent watching the one slowly vanishing in front of his eyes. Helpless feeling took his breath away.

"Jared! I love you!"

Jared woke up. He could clearly hear someone's voice calling for him, he could feel the warmth covering him. Those tide lines in his heart were slowly lower and they left a dried heart behind, a cold heart alone. Jared huffed, he slapped his own face to remind himself that it had only been a dream, and this was real. And he sighed tiredly. It'd been a year, he had been tired for a whole long year.

"Jared, where have you been last night?", a worried voice speaking by his ears. Jared turned around and he saw Stephen was sitting by those coral reefs, his face was full of wistful expressions.

Last night? He wondered himself where he had been last night. His early memories overflowed his mind like a great flood. He saw bright green eyes, soft pink lips, round brown dots on a face in his head. He felt warm arms, strong steps, hot breath around his body. And that smell. The smell belonged to a kind of flower on a land where he hadn't been, where were far away from him, where were new to him. The good smell came from a man's light blond hair. A man? That's him! The mortal who had taken Jared from a kind of surprise to another, given Jared from a kind of feeling to another. Was he dangerous? Of course, yes. But the safe feeling co-existing with insecure one that the man had given to him was so strange. Jared couldn't stop himself from being curious for it. After all, who was that man? What was that man?

"Jared? Are you alright?", Stephen held Jared's woolgathering face with both of his hands, his eyes were looking right into Jared's.

"Hm??", Jared startled, "I'm alright. What time is it?"

"Around afternoon. It's been a years since you last slept this much", Stephen bit his lips, frowned.

"I'm okay, really", Jared moved his face out of Stephen's hands.

He swiped his own hand, his face expressed how much concerned and interested he was at the same time. He decided to look for that sailor guy, and he would ask him straightly. If he couldn't seduced the man, at least, he wanted to know why.

"Jared!", Stephen sighed, "You know that I will always be with you, right? You know that I will..."

"I know", Jared stopped Stephen, "I will tell you if anything's wrong with me. Right now, I'm completely fine, ok?", Jared smiled to comfort Stephen.

Stephen nodded and offered him a forceful smile. Before he swam away, he spoke, "The Neptune ordered to meet you".

The Neptune? If there's any word that could turn Jared from a meek goldfish to a bloody enmity shark, that must only be "The Neptune". He chattered, rolled his finger into a fist, his eyes were full of anger and hatred. Jared could not believe that after everything had happened, that son of a fish could asked to meet him like nothing.

"I don't have any mood to meet him", Jared said, tried his best to control himself.

"Jared... I know. But The Neptune..."

"Tell him to go to Hell!"

Jared shouted before swimming away. He swam so fast that just in a second later, Stephen disappeared behind his back. Jared didn't swim in any obvious direction, he had no destination and he just kept swimming with a big mess in his head. Finally, when he stopped, the sky showed that it's over afternoon.

Jared resurfaced and looked at the sunlight sky. He carefully swam to the place that he had met the sailor last night. He convinced himself that this was for making sure that the guy had already left and he would not hurt Jared's kind. But he could not hide his disappointed look on his face when he knew the guy's ship had really left there. A small emptiness crept to his heart. He thought he would be cursed by Nixie because he just made a wish that the sailor guy could be in front of him.

Jared dived under the sea again, he just swam around, tried his best to waste some of his time. He couldn't help thinking about that damned sailor. He couldn't help thinking about that kiss the guy had put on his neck. Jared gently touched his own neck, tried to imagine his hand was the man's lips. In one second, he let his imagination go further, he thought about the mortal hugging him in a primitive form. The man would pick him up and walk on his strong legs, the only difference this time was that those legs were exposed, no black faded pants to hide them anymore.

Jared immediately shook his head to shake off those crazy ideas. He's a merman and a merman was supposed to hate humans. He's not allowed to talk to human beings, and he's here dreaming about some unusual things. But they're just his thoughts, he convinced himself. Who would know if he didn't speak? Nobody. But then he suddenly thought about the one. He loved him, that's why he didn't want to keep those thoughts in his mind. He didn't want to be come a betrayer. But once again, they're just his thoughts. And what kind of thought could ever harm anything?

Jared continued being distracting till he got bored of swimming uncertainly. The young merman decided to get back to the rock and wait for the night fell. He hoped that he would meet the last night ship. That's the first time he hopped in a whole year.

**~~~~0~~~~~**

Jared woke up with a tired sigh. Comparing with 7-day-ago Jared, this one was even awful. His eyes were full of tiredness because of waiting, his lips were pale because of food lacking. He hadn't eaten any soul in a whole week. If mermen didn't swallow souls, they could still survive by eating sea creatures such as lobsters, crabs and small fishes. Of course, Jared had eaten them, but humans' souls were the only thing could maintain beauty and got abundant nutrition above all.

It's not like Jared could not trap anyone. It's just him getting totally sick of his job. Singing, hypnotizing, eating souls, those were all he did every single night. He had to contact to ugly, greedy, stained people and he hated it. They wanted him and he scorned them too much to touch any mortal's soul.

There's only one soul that he wanted to see, but it'd been a week, and the guy had never showed himself for once. Maybe he got killed by another mermaid. That thought made Jared angry, because no one in this sea could be as beautiful as he was. The idea of letting a soul out of his hands was unacceptable. It's really a kind of humiliation to him. Just because that soul wasn't gay for him didn't mean it could get mesmerized by another mermaid.

He had been avoiding Stephen for a week, he hadn't come back to red coral reefs ever since, because he didn't want Stephen to ask him some kind of stupid questions. He became cantankerous with everything. He would love to shout at anyone who tried to start a conversation with him, anything that stood in his way, and he even cursed himself. He blamed all of this on the sailor's head, the sailor whose name he hadn't even known yet.

Jared made his way to the old rock, and he started singing. His voice chimed like an anger mixing with cry, like hope mixing with disappointment. His gaze was looking at those lights coming from the city.

 _"Go to bed_  
_The priests are dead_  
_Now no one can call you bad_  
_Go to bed_  
_The priests are dead_  
_Finally you're in peppermint land_

 _I'm a merman_  
_I don't need your voice_  
_I'm a merman_

 _Go to bed_  
_Dream instead_  
_And you will find me_

 _I'm a merman eternally_  
_I don't need something_  
_You're not willing to give_  
_I'm a merman_  
_Don't need your voice to cross my lands of ice"_

Jared sighed when the song got over. Nobody. Nobody was there to answer him, nobody was there to listen to him. He would always be the failed merman who nobody wanted, he would always be the cursed creature. Jared looked around one more time before silently jumped off the rock to swim away.

Out of no where, a rough hand grabbed his hair. Jared startled, he turned around to catch a short-blond-haired man's image in his sight. But that's not the familiar green eyes. That's someone else.

"I want you!", the mortal spoke before pulling his hair to get him closer. He struggled, but the guy quickly dropped the net to catch him. Jared hated himself whenever he's too weak to handle things, this time, it's because he hadn't eaten any souls in 7 long days.

"Let me go! I demand you!", Jared screamed. His voice was too high to handle, the sailor had to let him go to cover his own ears to protect his head. When Jared was about to swim away, the human right away caught him. "You have no idea how much I love you!", his voice was like crying. He's crying for the beauty in front of him, he's crying for watching the perfection leaving him.

No, he's not the guy who's uninfected by Jared. It's really different. He's the one who got most infected by Jared. Mermen called those guys like that guy the lunatics. It's because only one merman's singing voice could push lust and gloat from those kind of guy on top. They worshiped mermen blindly. It made them dangerous, but also caused them easier to be controlled.

Jared calmed himself down, he stopped struggling. The merman slowly turned around to smile in a mystery way at the guy. The dude immediately smiled back, his eyes were almost full of tears. "You're so beautiful... I..."

"Shhh...", Jared put his finger on the man's lips.

He nodded repeatedly and looked at Jared by his lovesick-guy eyes. Jared put his hand on the mortal's face, whispered, "You're such a naughty sailor. What is your name?"

"M-Murray. My name is Murray. Chad Michael Murray", he held his breath and stroked Jared's face, "I love you".

"I know", Jared chuckled, "Are you willing to die for me?"

"For you, I would do everything, my love", he smiled as if he's nuts.

"Very good. I want you to be with me. I want you to jump to the sea so that we could be together forever", Jared softly demanded. "Chaddy, for me, will you?"

He nodded and smiled happily like a child. Murray stood up, his eyes didn't leave Jared for a second. Jared just only smirked with the thoughts of being able to watch a stupid human suffering for him, dying under the sea for him. The cold water at night just made him feel fresher than ever. In one moment, he wished this sailor was the one on the other night. He wished he could watch a strong man like that human got weak for him.

"I will come to you", Murray smiled. And Jared answered him with a powerful nod.

Murray jumped out the ship, he's now on the sea's surface, hands holding Jared's face, pulling him closer to be able to kiss him while the cold water lines were squeezing his ankles. "I want you to dive as deep as you can for me", Jared breathed against his face before letting him go, he didn't want his lips to touch a human's.

Murray nodded like an obedient kid.

"Stop that!", a speaking voice stopped Jared's heart. That voice. That's the voice he'd been looking for a week. Jared turned his head around, there's a tall sailor standing in front of him. The soft blond hair, pink lips and dots on his face were incredibly perfect. And those eyes. Those green eyes were born to look right through every creature's soul. Jared felt his heart beating faster when he faced the man once again.

"Let him go. The one that you want to torture is me, not that kid", said the guy.

"Why would I let him go, huh? I could just kill both of you", Jared glance at him with his sharpest eyes before holding Murray's face, "I want you to dive under the sea and never resurface ever again".

"Jared! Let him go and you will get what you want", the sailor sat down on the ship's floor.

Jared gave Murray a sign telling him to stop, he swam to the ship, "Oh yeah? What is that?"

"Me", he winked at the merman. His lips grinned a provocative smile.

"What makes you think I would want a normal person like you?", Jared sneered.

"Oh? Turns out it's not right, huh?", he pouted, "Then alright", the sailor stood up and straighten his clothes. He shouted, "Olsson, let's sail. We'll leave!"

Jared slipped his hand in his hair and bit his lower lip. He didn't want the guy to leave, he neither wanted to miss a chance to torture a man looking like the guy. Jared muttered something like: "Damn it, Jared!" or "Nixie please save me".

"Wait!", he called out loud and the green-eyed sailor looked at him.

"I will let him go, but how do I know that he would not come back to get me?", Jared continued.

"Hmmm... Do you trust me?", the guy licked his lower lip and raised his eyebrows.

"What the hell? Of course not!", Jared raised his voice.

"Well, it should be like that, anyway", he smiled.

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

About an hour ago, he had had to listen to a mortal. He had hypnotized Murray, told him not to remember any of this. The sailor guy had called out his vampire to take the blond dude back to land after putting a lot of sleeping pills into the kid's stomach. After that, the man had offered the merman his hand to pull him on the ship, and he, a stupid merman had taken that man's hand. And it led to the event in which he's sitting by a man's side.

They both were silent in a while, the mortal said nothing to Jared, he just looked at the night sky in peace. That thing made Jared itchy, he hated waiting and he'd been waiting long enough.

"What are you?", Jared opened his mouth.

The man turned to look at him with a higher eyebrow. "Human, my Prince", then gulped a slip of beer.

"How..."

"Are you gonna start this thing over again? I've already told you. You're not my type, that's why you couldn't infect me. You should learn how to ask those kinds of questions that you really wanna ask, dude", he frowned.

Jared silently nodded and he bit his lips, tried to think what he really wanted to ask the man. Finally, he took a deep breath before letting it go. Right after those words coming out of his mind, he just wished he hadn't said anything.

"What's your name?"

Jared could hear the guy laughing so hard at him, "Is that what you really wanna ask?". He felt his face getting too hot because he's super awkward now. That's a stupid question and he didn't know how to fix this awkwardness.

"Ackles. My name is Ackles. Jensen Ackles", he chuckled.

"Ackles...", Jared repeated lowly, "Jensen Ackles... Hmm... A beautiful name", and he startled when he realized he's commending the guy. Jared cleared his voice, "Not bad to a human. That's what I mean", he looked away.

"Hah! Thank you. And you? Jared...?"

"Padalecki", he answered.

"Hey, Jared Padalecki, I'm Jensen Ackles, nice to know you, bitch", Jensen winked.

Jared couldn't hide his smile on his face and he didn't know why. "Hi", that's all he said.

"Why did you spare me?", Jared said after a while.

"Do you have family?", Jensen asked.

"No", Jared answered. He looked at his fishtail. He had used to have one family, he had used to dream about a family. He had always wished that the one could had been with him in that family dream. They both would had been together at his red coral reefs, he would had never sung for any sailors again, because he would had only sung for his love. His love would had hugged him, they would had cuddled, and loving words would had all over around. That's what he had expected, but that dream had been gone since last year.

"Isn't it sad?", Jensen shook his head. Jared could notice the sadness in Jensen's eyes. That kind of thing might be even worse than Jared's.

"And you? Do you?"

"Yes. Olsson. He's my family. You've already met him", he smiled.

"Are you guys in love?", Jared frowned.

"What?", Jensen choked on his beer and laughed loudly, "That vamp and I? Of course not. What makes you think so? Do we look like a couple?"

Jared didn't want to admit that he's quite pleased with the answer, "No... It's just you saying he's your family. I think you both must be..."

"No, Jared. He's my best friend. He's like my brother and that's why I take him as my family. And also Brock, the kid you mesmerized the other night. And Colin too, the kid that you're about to control. They're my family too", he smiled softly.

"What about your parents?", Jared spoke. That's when Jensen's eyes were looking at the distant night sky.

"You know, sometimes, I wanna be a bird. I think sky is the only thing that has no limit, and when I fly, there's no one there to be bound to me. I would be completely free. And maybe I could find my parents somewhere up there", he took a slip of beer.

Jared nodded slightly. He felt like there's a lump in his throat. Wasn't that what he always dreamed of? He glanced at the man and his heart ached for the scene, a young man with all the wildest dreams killing himself with pain that he couldn't share with anyone. Jared saw himself sitting in front of him.

Jared looked into the human's eyes, softly said, "Sometimes, being bound to someone you love is a good thing, you know? Someone such as Olsson, Brock and Colin. Those are normal people who are able to make you happy, make you call 'em family. Flying alone on the sky, it's not freedom, it's just another way to call loneliness. And loneliness is another way to call torture."

Jensen silently looked at Jared before open his mouth, "The one who's bound to you, whoever he is, he's such a lucky bastard". And Jared didn't argue about that, he just nodded in agreement.

"You know", Jensen continued, "Your singing voice is really sad. When I heard your voice, I felt like you're not calling anyone to come to you. Your singing voice was like a warning sign. It's cold and painful, it feels like you're telling people to stay far away from you instead."

How long had he ever felt that there's someone who really understood him like this? Stephen was a nice guy, but he couldn't get those kind of thing. There'd been one time that Jared had talked to the merman about how empty he had felt, and all he had got back was a hug and a line "Just forget it, you got me" from Stephen. That moment, Jared had known that he couldn't talk to someone who didn't understand him at all. He became silent ever since. And tonight, in a long long year, he could really talk, he could really be opened.

"I hope you're hungry. It looks like you haven't eaten for a whole week", Jensen said and stood up. Jared's eyes were on the sailor guy when he moved, Jared watched the guy stretched and heard his knee's sound.

Jensen left Jared alone before getting back with two forks, two knives, two empty plates, a plate of barbecue, a plate of salad and a plate of steamed shrimp. He didn't forget to bring along two glasses, a wine bottle, a water bottle and three napkins, one was big and the others were smaller. Jensen put all of them on the large white napkin, then put one of those two small napkins on his collar in Jared's curious gaze.

He bit his lips before leaning closer to Jared. Jensen was holding the other napkin, his fingers gently touched Jared's nape skin. Jared startle, but right when he's about to push the man away, he saw the guy's eyes were tenderly observing his neck. Jared suddenly felt safe, he's not afraid of the man anymore, he's not afraid whenever the sailor touched him like before. To be honest, he really enjoyed the strange warmth from the mortal.

"Nice", Jensen smiled. Jared looked down, he saw the white napkin which had been in Jensen's hand now was neatly on his neck. He didn't know what it meant.

"This is used to wipe your mouth and prevent food from sticking on your chest", Jensen explained.

Jared nodded, "What is all of this?"

Jensen started introducing each dish for Jared, he knew the merman had never tried any of them. At least, he had eaten shrimp, but not the kind of shrimp that was cooked. Jensen poured wine into both of glasses and handed him one.

"Try, it's worth!", Jensen grinned.

Jared took the glass from the man and made its way to his mouth. He didn't know why he trusted the man. The glass might had poison or it might be drugged the way Murray got drugged. He just didn't know why he could sense that Jensen wouldn't hurt him.

Jared felt bitterness and sweetness were combined together on his lips, numbness somehow was on the head of his tongue. They gave him chill. Meanwhile, Jensen was enjoying his glass of wine and observing Jared at the same time in interest. That made Jared felt more confident, because he always loved being watched with admiration by others. Especially, "others" here was the one who couldn't be infected by Jared's magic at all. Jared took a slip of wine and he felt his throat got hotter, in the same time, sweetness made its way through his stomach smoothly.

"Is it good? That wine was stolen from The Wendigo Ship", Jensen laughed before giving himself another glass of wine like a reward.

Putting the glass on the ship's floor, Jared asked, "What are you? Pirate?"

Jensen nodded before picking his knife and fork, he started stabbing the barbecue and got it onto his plate, then he did the same thing with Jared's. "Try one", he said.

Jared did what Jensen had done, his hand picked the fork and stabbed the meat before putting it in his mouth. He had to stop himself from yelling with joy because of that thing. The meat was super soft, its sauce melt right when it touched his tongue. That freaking thing smelled so damn good. He didn't even know his eyes were closing the whole time while he's chewing it before he saw Jensen's exciting eyes on him.

"You don't look like the other pirates that I've met", Jared cleared his voice.

Jensen smiled, his mouth was full of meat, "What do those pirates that you've met look like? Yellowed teeth, foul mouth, dirty and rude behavior?"

Jared nodded, "Mostly. I don't like them. Their souls are not delicious, honestly. I put them all in the storage in Aquarium, I hate their souls", Jared was chewing some salad.

"Hmm... I don't like them, either. Because they're very stinky, and I'm too clean", he was chewing while talking.

"Then why did you become a pirate?", Jared frowned.

"Because I hate them. That's why I rob them. I rob all people I hate. That's it", Jensen poured himself a glass of water.

Jared shook his head, he felt like he's facing someone that was harder to get than himself.

"I'm just like you, little merman. I do what I like, I hate rules, I hate bad people, worthless guys. The only difference between you and me is that you take their souls while I take their properties", Jensen shrugged.

Jared was thinking for a while, and then he shook his head, "No. That's not the only difference between us".

Jensen raised both of his eyebrows, "Then what else?"

"You don't have a fishtail like I do. And you're not as beautiful as I am", Jared said confidently. That line made Jensen laughed so hard, he laughed like a little kid. Jared just realized that he really liked Jensen's laughter, it sounded light and the image it brought made him feel peaceful.

"Yes, yes. And I can't talk under the sea like you", Jensen was saying and laughing at the same time.

"Yes. And you can't swim as well as I do. You can't sing as perfect as I do".

Jensen shook his head, "I might not be a good swimmer like you are, but don't overrate your singing voice like that".

Jared tilted his head, "Prove it!"

The sailor drank some water and winked at him, "Another night"

Jared turned back to the barbecue, didn't forget to add, "Coward!"

Jensen laughed softly, "Yea, keep on being self-confident like that. Besides, you don't have legs like me, you can't run as fast as I can", Jensen teased.

"Not fair!", Jared pouted. He didn't realize that he's using the voice he had used with the love of his life to talk to Jensen.

"Life is game, but it's not fair, honey", Jensen shrugged, tore the shrimp's nippers and divided equally for two plates.

"You sail alone tonight?", Jared asked, "How about Brock and Colin?"

"I sailed with Olsson. We've always been sailing together. Last week, we saved Brock and Colin from two messes. I don't want to risk those kids' lives so I took them home".

Home. He wanted the thing called home, too. Coral reefs were not his home. Neither was Aquarium. Sea was his home but it's so immense, he didn't know all the faces there. He suddenly craved the feeling to be somewhere that he could call it home.

"Hey, are you okay?", Jensen snapped his fingers.

"What is home?", he smiled faintly, "I want it too. I feel jealous of those kids, because they could find somewhere for themselves. If only I had legs, I could find for myself a home on your land", Jared looked at the night sky.

"Jared", Jensen sighed, "Home is not somewhere". He gazed at distant stars. "Home is not somewhere that your tail could swim to, it's not somewhere that your wings could fly to, it's not somewhere that your legs could run to. Home...", Jensen smiled hurtfully, his eyes were full of unreadable sadness, "is the feeling when you're with someone. Someone who could warm you up on a winter night just only with a smile. Someone who could make you cry, but that one is also the only one who could make you laugh. Home is everywhere, Jared, everywhere if you're with the right one that you need".

Jared's heart ached at those words. Was Jensen the one who'd been watching over him? Was that the reason why Jensen could understand him that much? Jared was so confused and he let his feeling speak behalf him.

"Have you taken someone as your home?", his hazel eyes looking at green ones.

"No", Jensen shook his head, "But my father did. He always took my mother as his own home. That's why I haven't found my home yet", Jensen dumbfounded.

"Why?", Jared gently asked, tucked his hair behind his ears.

"Because I'm not as brave as my father. Because I can't watch my home leave me. Because I don't want to get through my father's feeling when my mom's gone", Jensen said softly. His voice was lower than wind.

They both sat silently in a long moment before Jensen broke the air. "I really don't like mermen, do you get it?"

"I don't like humans, either!", Jared quickly said back.

Jensen didn't say anything else, he just only smirked and nodded. Jared smiled too, he strangely felt peaceful. They both hated each other, Jared hated human beings, Jensen disliked merman beings. However, when they both sat together, it felt like they were sitting with another version of themselves. Jared had not been aware of the smile on his lips for a very very long time. But right now, he smiled. And in some moment, he wished that they both could just sit there forever.

The moon light that night shined the way for two lost souls inadvertently met each other.


	4. The Storm In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I should leave"

Jared got used to Jensen’s presence in his life. Jared swam to the rock area to wait for Jensen almost every night. However, it’s not like Jensen could always show up. The young man normally met the merman about once or twice per week, maybe more. It’s because Jensen got his own work and Jared understood it. But it didn’t mean that Jared’s okay with Jensen’s absence.

The more Jared talked to Jensen, the more he learned about human, or to be exact, about this Ackles guy. Though, there were things that Jared knew from Colin Ford. Colin was a brisk cute kid who observed people really carefully, so please, do not let that small kid trick your eyes. He had just been staying with Jensen for a short time, but he had already known a lot about his captain.

Colin told Jared that Jensen had been the only son of a young sailor and a beautiful lady whose father had been a jeweler. They had loved each other very much. When Jensen had been three years old, an unexpected accident which had taken the only woman that Jensen and his father had ever loved away happened. Jensen’s father had also died when Jensen had only been 5.

Wandering everywhere, Jensen later had got a job on a luxurious ship. The owner of the ship had been Mr. Morgan, a businessman. He had loved Jensen as if the boy had been his son even when he’d not been much older than Jensen. When Jensen had been 18, Morgan unfortunately had died, leaving his gigantic asset and a ship to Jensen. Jensen now owned a huge mansion in the Campbell town standing near the sea. That house had belonged to Morgan before he had died. People believed that Morgan had always loved Jensen and he had always been waiting for Jensen to be old enough to marry him, but Morgan had never be able to tell Jensen how much he loved the boy.

Jensen was unlike those pirates that Jared had ever met. If Jared was honest with himself, he could totally admit that Jensen was the most gracious creature that he had ever known. Jensen didn’t rob for money. He robbed because he hated those rich assholes. He had saved all the slaves on those ships and given them back their freedom. He had never kept a cent for himself, because he had given them all for those poor people to let them have livelihood funds and to help them start their new life. With those people who had no place to go such as Brock and Colin, Jensen would bring them to his house.

Those years living with Morgan, Jensen had learnt a lot and one of them had been business. To honor Morgan, the young boy that year had decided to continue what Morgan had left off which had been clothes business. As Morgan had used to said, humans were a rush-in kind, they would rather being starving than being a loser. In Campbell city, fishes were everywhere. That’s the reason why starting a fish business was like starting running right into an enemy’s battlefield. If you want to develop your business, you must start something that unique. Wherever rich people gathered as much as here, their dressing need was higher than ever. And because this place didn’t have enough condition to grow up cotton, if someone could do that, they would be one of the richest here.

Jensen had always listened to Morgan, he had learned how to grow a cotton up right on that ship. And now, Jensen was the owner of the biggest unique cotton filed in Campbell city, and maybe in all Winchester Land. Jensen was fully respected by all people. It’s all started from two empty hands of an orphaned boy.

However, as well as Jared, even though Jensen’s nearly perfect, he knew he always lacked of something important. It might be the fairy tales that he had always been after. That’s why Jensen always sailed to search for his own story, a story where he’s the main character.

It’s been three weeks since Jared had his last nightmare. He had not had one since he met Jensen. They had already met for about seven times and Jared hadn’t eaten a soul since then. On the top of all the unbelievable things was that Jared was not even hungry. He only ate Jensen’s food. Other than that, he only ate some small crab and he was really shocked by how his beauty still maintained without human’s soul. And he’s happy when Jensen was his friend. Friend? His friend? Since when had a merman made friend with a man? Since when had he forgotten about the story about Donna the mermaid and that pirate? He didn’t even know why, but he took it as a good thing. It’s weird, he thought himself.

“Padalecki!” Jensen called out and Jared suddenly smiled. Jared jumped off the rock and made his way to the ship. He resurfaced and scooped his wet hair. Water was splashing everywhere and he saw Jensen was smiling at him. Jared was really happy when he saw Jensen’s smile. It seemed like Jensen’s sorrow had been fading day by say, his eyes were brighter and lighter. Jared was not sure he’s describing Jensen or himself, to be honest.

 “Ackles! You’re late!” Jared said, tried his best to keep his voice so strict.

“Are you been waiting for me? Have you fallen for me?” Jensen winked and offered Jared his hand.

“Are you crazy? I’ve been still waiting for the right moment to kill you.” Jared took Jensen’s hand and pushed his own body on the ship.

“Oh, that’s it”, Jensen laughed loudly and Jared rolled his eyes. The young merman hated this man so much.

“I’m sorry. There’s something that I had to deal with before getting here. I hope you haven’t waited for too long”, Jensen continued. Jared only nodded and said nothing.

As usual, they both ate their dinner and shared some stories which happened while they didn’t meet each other. Dinners always had red wine or grape wine and all of them were prepared by Jensen. And as usual, after dinner, they both watched the moon together before Jensen saying goodbye to Jared. But tonight was different, after dinner, Jensen promised that he got a gift for Jared and the merman couldn’t hide his excitement on his face.

“Can you read?” Jensen brought along a book.

Jared frowned, “Do you really think that thing can survive under the sea?”

Jensen smirked, “Oh yes. I’m so silly”. He sat next to Jared, “This is my mother’s favorite book. I found it a couple days ago and it made me think about you”.

“Why?”

“It’s just a feeling. I’m not sure”, Jensen shook his head.

“Hmm… I can not read”, Jared awkwardly said.

“Don’t worry, if you want, I can teach you”, Jensen grinned.

“Really? You will teach me how to read and write like human? What can I pay you back?” Jared constantly asked.

“Easy, boy. I don’t need you to pay me anything. I just want to waste some time by teaching you. It’s no big deal”, Jensen slid his hand in his blond hair.

Jared nodded, but then asked, “But can we start tomorrow? I want you to read the story for me now”.

Jensen’s round eyes looked at Jared surprisingly, “Really? I didn’t think you would be this excited”.

“Excited what?” Jared’s face turned red immediately, “I just don’t want you to waste your time. I’m a good merman!”

Jensen laughed out, “Okay, I’ll read”.

Jared smiled proudly.

“Once upon a time, there’s a mermaid named Ariel…” Jensen started.

“I don’t like this story!” Jared shook his head.

“Why?” Jensen raised his eyebrows.

“It’s because it’s about a mermaid. I want it’s about a merman!” Jared slewed his tail.

“You’re so promiscuous! Okay, just imagine that was a merman, okay?” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“What kind of merman that named Ariel?” Jared folded his arms.

“Okay, okay, God. Once upon a time, there’s a merman whose name was… uh… Andy…”

Jared smiled, “Better!”

Jensen shook his head and continued, “She… ah no… he was really beautiful. He’s the youngest son of The Ocean King, he got the best singing voice. One day, he accidentally met a ship. That ship belonged to a prince who was celebrating his birthday. The prince’s name was Eric. Right when Andy saw the man, he immediately fell for him. Unfortunately, a dark storm came and engulfed the ship. The merman didn’t think twice, he saved the prince out of the storm. While half sober half dreaming, the prince heard the most beautiful singing voice and saw the most beautiful man. Sadly, when he woke up, there’s no one but him. The prince decided to find his savior. About Andy, after The Ocean King found out that his son loved a human, he punished the young one. Sobbing, Andy looked for a sea witch and asked her to turn him into human. She accepted with one condition, his voice exchanging his legs. For love, Andy agreed, but more than that, he had to make Eric truly kiss him within 3 days or else Andy would become a sponge. Eric almost fell for Andy, but he’s not sure if that’s the one he needed because Andy couldn’t speak while his savior had the warmest voice. On the sunset of day 3, Eric decided to marry his survivor which was the sea witch who tricked him to believe so. When he found out that Andy was the one he’s been looking for, Eric killed the sea witch and Andy got his voice back. They lived happily forever after".

Jensen finished reading out loud the book and turned his eyes to Jared. Unlike what Jensen had thought, Jared didn’t seem happy at all, he looked like a soulless creature, exactly, he was like turning back to the heartbroken merman on the first day they had met. Putting the book aside, Jensen sat closer to Jared, his voice was full of concerning: “Jared, are you alright?”

Jared stayed silent, his face was down, and his eyes were looking at the calm water surface.

“Jared? I am sorry. I didn’t know that the story cause you sad. I am truly sorry”.

Jared forcefully smiled, “I should leave”, he softly said.

Jensen startled when Jared jumped off the ship. Like an unconditional reaction, Jensen grabbed Jared’s shoulder and called for him right away. It’s really bad that Jared had been diving deeply already. Jensen didn’t hesitate. He took off his thin white shirt and jumped into the sea.

**~~~o~~~**

Jared sore, he didn’t know why he’s feeling so. It’s like all memories a year ago was making their way to come back to his mind. They were tearing and twisting his heart. Jared cried out, his eyes were too red in the salty water. All he needed was getting back to his shelter where nobody could hurt him anymore. Why? Why couldn’t he be happy? It’d been a year, why were those feelings still clinging to him like that?

Jared swam really fast, he’s sure that he had left Jensen alone on the ship. Maybe the sailor guy was wondering what’s going on. Jared didn’t blame Jensen for reading that story. It’s because Jensen hadn’t known anything about him. He only blamed himself for being too weak. Jared was so confused among his own thoughts till he felt something was grabbing him, something was pretty familiar. And then he turned around and he saw Jensen.

Jared startled. It couldn’t be Jensen. Jared had dived really deep and at this depth, nobody could stand water’s pressure. Not to mention, he had been swimming really quick, how could Jensen catch him up? And the biggest question was that what the hell was Jensen doing here? Jensen should know well how dangerous fish species worked here, how much mermen wanted to eat humans’ souls here. What on Earth Jensen was doing here?

Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand real tight, his blond hair was streaming along with the line. Jared swallowed hard, watched Jensen as he pulled the merman back to the surface. On the way to the ship, Jared felt Jensen’s strength and speed was getting decreased. Jensen might use too much energy to catch Jared up, that’s why the amount of oxygen on his lungs was draining. Jared saw Jensen’s eyes were getting weaker and his eyes were slowly closing. No thinking twice, Jared immediately hugged Jensen and used all of his strength to swim as fast as he could to the ship.

 “Olsson! Help us!” Jared shouted out when he resurfaced. He turned his eyes to Jensen, the sailor’s eyes were still closing. “Hold on, Jensen! You don’t get to die in my arms! I haven’t eaten your soul yet! Jensen! Don’t you dare to die!” he whispered in Jensen’s ears, his hand stroked the man’s hair.

“What happened?” Olsson roars. In the mean time, Brock and Colin made their way to the side of the ship.

“Long story, just help us!” Jared swam to the ship’s side and tried his best to push Jensen’s body on the ship while those three sailors tried to grab Jensen.

Olsson brought Jensen to his room and put the poor guy on the bed. “Olsson!” Jared called out. “Get me to the ship! Please!” Olsson sighed when he heard the merman. “Ackles, you fool! What have you done?” the vampire said quietly.

Ty got back to the broadside and saw Jared being nervously swimming around the ship. “Hey, merman! Don’t worry! He’s gonna be alright, we’re gonna take care of him!”

“No! Bring me on the ship! Please! I have to see Jensen myself, I have to make sure he’s okay.”

“Why do you worry for him? All you want is his soul, is our souls!” Olsson said loudly.

“I honestly promise you that I just want to see if Jensen’s fine. I’m begging you”, Jared’s eyes were getting brighter with water in his eyes, and Ty was sure that water was not from the sea.

“He’ll be okay, just get back to your home”, Ty sighed and turned away.

“No! Ty Olsson! You listen to me clearly! You must bring me on the ship! Or else I’ll start singing and Brock will do that for me. Like it or not, I’ll always get what I want. I can’t control you or Jensen, but don’t ever think that I won’t touch Brock or Colin. You can protect those kids by helping me, or their souls will belong to me!”

Olsson sneered, “And Jensen thought that you were a special merman. I’m sure that kid is going to be so embarrassed of him when he friends with some kind of creature that takes his family as its shield.” Olsson bared his fangs.

 A tense atmosphere was around the area. A vampire’s bloodthirsty eyes were staring right into a merman’s psycho-killer eyes. The ghost from the land was meeting the demon from the sea. They looked at each other angrily. And then, right when it seemed like they were going to kill each other right there, Jared left out a soft sigh:

“Olsson, I know you don’t like me. I know that I’m the thing standing between you and Jensen. But I’m begging you, please let me meet Jensen for a bit, just enough for me to know that he’s fine. And I promise you that I’ll get out of Jensen’s life forever if that’s what you want”.

“Don’t!” a small voice spoke up. “Don’t do that, I’ll pull you up”. Jared turned to the left of Olsson and saw Colin was standing there. The tiny kid was smiling at him, he looked weak but he actually was the strongest among them. “Ty! Did you forget what Jensen taught us? He told us that we should love each other. How could you leave Jared like that? Jensen will be so unhappy about this”.

Olsson snorted, “Does that have anything to do with me?”

“Jensen told us to treat Jared well. He’s a part of our family! You never listen to him”.

A part of their family? Did Jensen tell them so? Jared was a part of Jensen’s family? Since when? He felt a light was shining into his heart, a happy and doubt and guilty feeling was all around him. Jared quietly watched Colin offering him his small hand.

“Brock! Come and help me!” Colin called out the 18-year-old boy. They both pulled Jared on the ship while Olsson was just standing there and protesting nothing.

Brock piggybacked Jared to Jensen’s room while Colin was after them both. This was the second time that Jared on the ship and his feeling was totally different. He didn’t worry for himself, all he cared about is Jensen. He bit his bottom lip and tried to focus on the situation, he didn’t want to think about the worst case here. He squeezed Brock’s neck and tried to calm himself.

The three of them made it to Jensen’s room. Nothing seemed to change here. It’s still the same bed, the same white pillow, the same comfortable blanket and the same soft mattress. Brock put Jared on the bed next to Jensen while Colin dragged the wooden chair closer to them both. The young kid put a water bottle and two glasses on the chair.

“We’ll leave you two alone here. Don’t even bother Ty. He’s not gonna mess you up, he just pretended to be grumpy”.

Jared nodded his head, watched the two boys leaving the room and closing the door. He could only thank them before they’re out of the room.

Jared turned his sight to Jensen, he felt his heart was twisting when he saw the man lying there unmoving. At least he’s still breathing, Jared comforted himself. It took a couple of seconds for Jared to realize that nobody dried Jensen’s body yet. He observed the room and saw a towel on a table and a closet at the room’s left corner. Jared sighed. He crawled with his arms and made his way to the table. He reached out for the towel and wrapped it around his neck. He then crawled to the closet, opened it, and got into. Jared punched those clothes with his fishtail. Some of them fell off the floor and Jared grabbed them all before making his way back to the bed. He closed the closet, put water on the floor and clothes on the chair.

Jared scrambled his body on the bed and started using the towel to dry Jensen’s hair and face. Jared suddenly realized what he’s doing. He’s taking care of a human. He’s being the Andy to Jensen’s Eric. Jared bit his lips and reminded himself that he at least had to be nice with his friend. Because this was the last time he could get to meet Jensen. That thought made Jared ached. If only he hadn’t pushed Jensen into the sea.

Jared wiped Jensen’s chest and he noticed how soft Jensen’s skin was. He couldn’t stand watching Jensen’s muscles trying their best to show off and get his attention. He swallowed hard, slightly touched Jensen’s chest. His hand stroked Jensen’s tummy gently, the man’s warmth was hugging his hand really nicely. That made Jared’s breath unstable and his heart jump crazily. It took a while for him to pull himself together and focused on the task that he’s on.

Jared quickly dried Jensen’s arms before making his way to the young guy’s pants. His face was getting red like roses as he saw the wet pants which were covering Jensen’s lower body. He could feel his body was getting hotter than ever and he’s shaking so hard. Maybe Jared should stop himself here and let Olsson change Jensen’s clothes. Let Olsson change Jensen’s clothes? That thought was not making Jared happy at all. He decided to help Jensen with this, he’d make Jensen proud and he’d prove to Olsson that he’s reliable.   

Jared closed his eyes before putting his shaking hands on Jensen’s pants. “You can do it, Jared Padalecki”, the poor merman appeased himself. Jared gently pulled down the pants and accidentally touched Jensen’s cock. Right when that happened, Jensen softly moaned like it’s a normal reaction. Jared opened his eyes and looked at Jensen. He could see Jensen’s cheeks were getting pinker and the guy’s breath was getting warmer. At first, he thought that Jensen had something to tell him, but he’s not strong enough to do that. The merman leaned his ear closer to Jensen’s mouth. His stupid fishtail unwittingly touched Jensen’s sensitive part of body again and it made Jensen leave out a hot breath against Jared’s ear. It gave Jared chill and his heart beat as if he had just swam across the sea. He felt Jensen’s hand was gently squeezing his waist.

“Jensen? What’s wrong?” Jared’s lips was trembling with Jensen’s physical contact on him.

He felt as if the air in his chest was nothing when Jensen lowly said: “Don’t leave me”. Was it Jensen’s hand squeezing Jared’s waist or Jensen’s voice squeezing his heart? Jared felt something hot in his nose and it made him want to cry out for help.

“No, Jensen. I’m not gonna leave you. I… I am sorry”.

What the sea? Why did he apologize to a human? He didn’t do nothing wrong. His life had used to be so simple. He had only done what he had liked. He had never needed to say sorry to anyone if they’d not gotten along with him. It’s because he had never cared about anyone else. Why was he apologizing to a lower-level kind comparing to his kind?

Jared was so confused. He had never been through those feelings before. What was happening to him? This was so not Jared. This was so not the merman whose pride was higher than his head. He pulled his hair over his ears, his hands couldn’t stop shaking and his heart was beating faster than ever.

“Jared?” Jensen gently called out for him.

“I’m here, I’m not gonna leave you, Jensen”, Jared almost cried when he heard Jensen’s weak voice.

 “Jared?”

“Here I am, Jensen”, chattered, his hand was sliding Jensen’s hair.

 “Jared?” Jensen’s warm breath touched Jared’s soft skin

Jared looked at Jensen’s lips, those sweet lips that had caused him smile many times now was weakly said his name, now was pale. This was the same place that those beautiful lips had touched Jared’s skin the first time they had met. It had always made Jared concerned. There’s some invisible force was telling him to do the thing that he had always wanted. Jared put his lips on Jensen’s.

Jensen’s lips were too soft to be true, softer than what Jared had imagined. They tasted like wine, they tasted like sea and they tasted like Jensen. The man’s lips had no yeast like some alcohol kind of drink, but somehow it got Jared drunk. His mind was a mess and he couldn’t control anything anymore. Jared pressed his lips on Jensen’s and bit lightly on Jensen’s bottom lip. He breathed hard against Jensen’s mouth, his air made it way to Jensen’s lungs as if he’s passing his strength on Jensen. His hand was on Jensen’s chest and he didn’t know since when he squeezed the man’s breast and since when he got so drunk, so hungry in the kiss. He heard Jensen’s growling in his mouth, but the sailor didn’t react anything. There’s nothing enough to Jared. He wanted Jensen to kiss him back. He wanted Jensen to welcome him. He wanted Jensen.

He wanted Jensen? Why did he want Jensen? This couldn’t be happening! He already had a lover and he loved him so much. What he’s doing was so wrong. It’s wrong with sea’s rules and his own rules. Jared startled and separated his lips and Jensen’s. He pushed himself far away from Jensen. The merman suddenly realized that he was falling for the captain, being fascinated by the man. Was this some kind of dark magic?

Jared wiped his lips. He cried for how terrible he was. He was a horrible betrayer. He’s an asshole. The fast flow of The Winchester Sea couldn’t wash all the stain he bringing, the depth of ocean couldn’t drowned all the guilt he feeling. After all, he’s the worst and the most damned thing. He betrayed the one he loved for thinking about Jensen. He betrayed his own self for making friends with Jensen. And he betrayed Jensen for kissing those lips.

The night was still long and the tears were still on.


	5. The Dawn In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "... Everyone has their own stories. You don’t have to tell me yours, but you deserve to be loved, too."

Jensen was walking on the sand when he saw a ship where Jeffrey Dean Morgan was waving towards him. Jeff was as beautiful as a painting. He was holding the thick cotton which was as white as cloud and smiling at Jensen. “I have been waiting for you for too long”, Jeff said and offered Jensen his hand. Jensen took Jeff’s hand and stepped on the ship. The young sailor saw his father being busy netting at the foot of the mast. The old man was singing some melody happily. Jensen looked down and there was a dog with yellow fur stirring around his legs. The dog’s tail was wagging excitedly and it caused Jensen smile. And then he felt a hand was gently putting on his cheek. Jensen turned around and saw a smile, a smile from a woman with long blonde hair. She was wearing a white dress and it made Jensen’s heart beat wrongly. Her arms were around Jensen’s neck and Jensen buried his head in her neck. He loved her more than ever. He understood it when he felt warmth of hers could actually beat the coldness of the monsoon.  

She stroked Jensen’s cheek and he held the small hand of hers. She suddenly raised her voice to sing out:

 _“To me, you are beautiful_  
_Such a beautiful, beautiful man_  
_To me, your breath keeps me living_  
_And I lived, I dreamed with one out of you_

 _Your hands fill me in the shadow_  
_When you’re not around,_  
_When you’re not around…”_

 Jensen smiled lightly, put his hand on her pretty face and closed his own eyes. It’s just like Jensen was trying his best to save her image in his mind, trying to catch all angles, all contours that shaped her. The wind was calmly blowing, bringing the sea’s aroma and some stranger kind of flower’s incense to burst into his nose. Jensen was so happy with everything he got.

Jensen opened his eyes and panic. The woman was gone, so were his father, and Jeff, and the dog, and the ship. Jensen was seeing himself standing in the middle of the ocean and slowly sinking to the bottom of the sea. Everything around him was so dark, so cold, and so dead. And then he saw the woman.

Jensen swam to her, he hugged her with his arms, and tears in his eyes were like a waterfall. “Don’t leave me”, Jensen chattered and the lady just weakly smiled at him, her hand was gently wiping the tears on his face. She then closed her eyes and let everything go. He held the bad-luck woman’s body so tight and buried his face in her hair then cried. Jensen could only cry till his eyes became swollen and he feel asleep by her side.

 _“And I can see you_  
_And I can hear you_  
_And I can feel you_  
_When you’re not around_  
_When you’re not around”_

Jensen suddenly heard a singing voice coming from somewhere near by his ears. The young man opened his eyes in hurry to look for the voice’s owner. He saw himself standing on the middle of the white sand. Jensen followed the stone wall and headed toward that sweet voice. He saw Jared, the stubborn merman with brown hair, hazel eyes lying on the grey rock. Jensen titled his head to look at him just to see both corners of Jared’s eyes getting red.

 “Jared?” Jensen asked with a full of concerned voice.

And Jared looked at him with his red eyes. His lips were bruising and trembling as if he wanted to tell Jensen something. But nothing was coming out, no words, no sound, and no nothing.  Every freaking thing around Jensen was like frozen. He couldn’t move himself for an inch. And then a storm dragged to, he saw the Kappa appeared. It was as enormous as a city, its fangs were sharp and they’re as big as a house. The Kappa had no eyes, but it got two tongues. It roared and thousand of tentacles of its wrapping around Jared’s tiny body. Jensen tried his best to run to them, but he couldn’t. His legs seemed like heavier than lead, no matter how much he attempted, he was still no able to lift them up. All the sailor could do was screaming like crazy. Everything only stopped when the Kappa vanished with Jared.

**~~~o~~~**

Jensen woke up with a hit in his head. He saw himself lying on his bed and sweat was all over his wet body. His head was being hurt like hell and his body was worn out as if he had just sailed to avoid a tornado. Jensen gasped and looked around his room. He suddenly realized that there was something unusual here. He saw Jared.

Jensen’s heart ached when seeing Jared with green tail, brown hair, red hazel eyes and bruising trembling lips. Jensen tried his best to sit up from his bed, but he hardly moved. That even more worried Jensen when the memory of the Kappa flooded into his mind. An invisible fear was surrounding the young man’s body.

Jared was sitting on the bed, gazing at some kind of paper, and gliding his fingers on whatever existing on it. Jensen reached out for Jared and it made the merman startled.

“Jensen?” Jared turned his head toward and closed the distance between them. He wiped out the sweat on Jensen’s hair and face.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen asked with a weak voice.

Jensen tried to remember what had happened. Apparently, the fact that Jared was caught on this ship had happened a long time ago and Jensen didn’t think that those weeks were just a dream. The captain attempted to string all the events together. And then memory was a bitch, she hit his head so hard as if she hated this whole world for a long time. Jensen recalled that he had been on the ship with Jared and he had told Jared some story. After that, Jared had gotten upset and he had dived away. Jensen had swum to catch him. And he had drowned. Oh yes, Jensen had been told not to touch the sea’s water at all cost no matter how good a swimmer he had been. How the hell could he forget that? And why the hell did he chase a selfish merman who only did what he wanted all the time like that?

“Jensen, I apologize”, Jared softly said. His voice was full of repentance and Jensen could not stop himself from admitting that he loved it when Jared being a submissive.

“It’s okay”, Jensen replied.

Jared gave him a glass of water and Jensen gulped all of it just in one try. His throat relived by the cool water from the land, his body dance with this reborn.

“Colin…” Jared hesitated, “Colin brought you this”. Jared was holding a bowl of hot soup and offering it in Jensen’s direction. Of course, this was the healing soup that Ty always made himself whenever Jensen got ill. Only smelling it, Jensen had his stomach sounding like a drum.

Jensen nodded, and planned to sit up and eat but then an idea popped into his head. Why forgiving while he could torture Jared for a little bit more, could make Jared feel guilty for a little bit more, could cut out this damned merman’s selfishness for a little bit more? 

Jensen quickly winced then he bit his lip, hands into a fist. “Aaa! My body… I can’t breathe…” Then the man rolled his eyes white like Death just visited him. Jared placed the bowl on the chair in hurry and leaned closer to Jensen. The poor kid perplexedly put his ears on Jensen’s chest. Still beating, Jared sighed with relief. But he still presses his hands on the man’s chest to respiratory him. When Jensen was not breathing, Jared immediately squeezed Jensen’s nose and opened that damned captain’s mouth to blow air into his lungs.

Right at that moment, Jensen opened his eyes. His hand squeezed Jared’s hips and inserted his tongue into Jared’s mouth. Jared startled and pushed himself away. The push was hard enough for him to fall off the bed and Jensen was guffawing at him. The man winked and laughed out loud once again: “Oh man, look at you! Look at how worried you are for me!”

“You jerk! I just don’t want to take responsibility for your death!” Jared angrily glanced at him.

Jensen sat up, stoked his own hair, “Why not? Isn’t that true you’ve always wanted to kill me?”

“Yes”, Jared’s cheeks flushed, “I want… kill you with… um… my own hands… well… not… uh… not like this… I mean… that”, he pulled his hand over his ears.

“Um… So that’s it. But by the way, you almost caused me dead. And I don’t think that I can easily forgive this. You actually have big guts to decide to put your ass on my ship, dude. Aren’t you afraid that I will lock you up?” Jensen raised his eyebrows.

“Maybe yes, maybe not”, Jared answered before crawling on Jensen’s bed, “But I don’t think that you will”. His hand was holding the soup bowl and the other was holding a spoon full of it. He then handed it closer to Jensen’s mouth, “I just simply think so”.

Jensen was really surprised with the scene, but he still took that spoon by his mouth. They both were silent like that until there’s nothing left in the bowl.

Putting the empty object on the chair, Jared poured water into the glass for Jensen and he stopped when feeling Jensen’s fingers on his face. The mortal’s elongated fingers were slipping on every line shaping the mysterious. His hand was holding Jared’s chin and guiding the merman’s eyes looking at him. “Jared, did you cry while I was sleeping?” His voice was so serious and thoughtful. It’s like the jerk had just made fun of Jared had just vanished to make a way for a mature man to step in. Jared avoided Jensen’s eyes, but once again, was controlled by the sailor’s voice. “Jared? Look at me!” And he did like a good fish.

“You cried, didn’t you?” Jensen asked all over again. The man’s eyes were darkening, but it didn’t show the danger as the two men had met for the first time. It’s another kind of dark which Jared hardly knew how to explain. He only knew that he did nod when he looked at those eyes.

Not like what Jared had thought, Jensen didn’t ask anything else, he just squeezed Jared’s chin gently then let go of it. Jensen sighed and spoke: “Jared, listen, I apologize to you. I don’t know what happened and I didn’t know that reading the book could upset you like that. It’s my fault. I made you break the rules, made you save me, then take care of a human. It will bring troubles to you and I truly don’t want that. I think… you should leave”

Jared swallowed hard. He couldn’t believe that after he had seen Jensen as his friend, after despite his all to save the man, after almost killing a vampire just to make sure that he had been able to see Jensen one last time, that son of a bitch was willing to kick Jared out. Jared chattered hard, his eyes showed clearly how angry he was.

“I saved you!” Jared yelled, used his tail to push the glass and the bottle on the chair fall off. The sound of broken glasses made him even angrier. “I broke the law for you!” tears started rising in his eyes. “And you kick me out?” Jared screamed, he stormed toward Jensen and bit the man. “I betrayed him for a jerk like you! And you kick me out?” he instantly punched and scratched the chest of the jerk in front of him. Tears from both corners of his eyes slipped down his face.

Jensen said nothing, he just stayed quiet. Despite being objurgated, scratched, slapped by Jared, Jensen was still being silent. He didn’t resist, didn’t react a thing. It’s because he felt like he deserved this. It’s because he’s a truly cursed jerk.

Jared kept on attacking Jensen until his face slumped on the young captain’s chest and started crying. That moment, Jensen held Jared’s sobbing shaking body so tight in his arms. The man stroked the merman’s back gently and the unspoken sorrow was all over his green eyes.

“Why?” Jared said sobbingly. “Why am I not worthy?”

Jensen quietly replied. “Jared, you’re wrong. You’re worth everything. You’re worth every best thing in this world”

“Then why don’t you want me?” Jared buried his face deeper in Jensen’s neck.

The sailor let out a breath, “Jared, it’s not on you. I just don’t want to get you into danger. You deserve someone better than I am. You deserve a merman who loves you more than anything. You don’t need a man.”

Jared looked up at Jensen and he didn’t know if he’s mad because Jensen was thinking wrongly about him or because Jensen was pointing out the truth. Yes, Jared didn’t need a normal man, but Jensen was not a normal. Jensen’s smile was as shine as a full-mooned night, as beautiful as a night of July, it made Jared glad. Jensen’s arms were as warm as a fireplace on a winter night, as if it’s the only small light left on a dark cold day, it made Jared feel safe. Jensen’s voice was as sweet as a love song in summer, as if it was a rain on a sunny day, it made the merman feel like his life was meaningful. And finally, that was Jensen’s thoughtful, full of vigor eyes. They’re strong and mild at the same time, they made Jared happy.

“You used to hate me, Jared. And that, I can accept”, Jensen sighed. “But now, everything is different, you just saved me, you cause yourself trouble. If someone down there knew about this… Jared, I don’t want you to die because of me…”

Jared could see water was rising in Jensen’s eyes and the man offered Jared a forcefully painful smile. That smile touched the bottom of Jared’s heart, ached it, bleed it out.

“Jensen”, Jared put his hands on both of Jensen’s cheeks. “You lost someone, didn’t you? Someone who was too important as if they’re a life to you, too important that when you lost them, you aren’t be able to open your heart again. And then you’re afraid that everything you touch turn to surf? You are worrying about that, aren’t you? That someone is the woman you drew yourself, isn’t she?”

Jared looked at him with his full of thoughts eyes. He felt like his anger just passed away, leaving in him empathy, concern, worried, and restless feeling. He did see the painting that Jensen drew a blond-haired woman in white. She was really truly pretty. She’s as beautiful as a fairy, honestly. Jared didn’t know much about humans’ art, but he’s smart enough to know that Jensen put all his heart into that painting.

Jensen didn’t answer anything. He just closed his eyes and sighed. Jared was patently observing the man, and he suddenly realized that if he didn’t open his heart first, he couldn’t ask Jensen to do the same.

“Sea witch… do you know how they look like?" Jared said, a sadness was containing in that voice.

Jensen turned his gaze to Jared and the merman continued, “They’re half man, half octopus. They do have feelings, they do know how to love, how to hate like all of us”. Jared sighed out, “The only difference is that… sea witch is considered as the most accursed creature of all. Do you know what they truly did? Nothing”, Jared sneered, “Isn’t that true when Andy made his own way to Ursula? Why did finally she turn out to be the bad? All she needed was love. After all, what kind didn’t want to be loved?”

Jared offered Jensen his clearly painful eyes. “What if Ursula did really love Eric, but she didn’t say it? Jensen, it’s not because someone doesn’t express themselves means that they don’t have rights to be in love. It’s not because someone looks bad means that they’re really bad. Olsson looks bad to others, but not you, doesn’t he?”

They both sat in silence for awhile till Jensen spoke up. “What do you mean?”

“I used to love a sea witch, half man, half octopus, Jensen. He’s the scariest and the most contemptible creature of all. But he’s not to me. To me, he’s the most beautiful, the most respected, the most intelligent, and the most merciful. He had never harmed a thing, he’s special, but then he…” Jared’s voice choked, he felt the heat breaking into his nose. Jared bit his lower lip, tried his best to repress tears rising in his heart.

“I am so sorry”, Jensen whispered.

Jared nodded, smiled lightly and wiped out the tears which didn’t have their chance to fall. “Jensen, all I wanna say is that everyone has their own stories. You don’t have to tell me yours, but you deserve to be loved, too. I… I truly like you”.

Jensen chuckled. He didn’t think that there could be a day when he could here this from Jared. Small dimples on Jensen’s perfect face showed up and they made Jared glowed. He nodded as if he had just done something really, really right. Two of they looked at each other, nobody said anything to anybody, but they both understood each other really well, well enough that it wasn’t necessary to emit any sound at all.

That’s the first time Jensen and Jared watched the beautiful dawn together.

 


	6. The Beginning In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s wrong! Everything just went absolutely wrong!

It’s wrong! Everything just went absolutely wrong! Jensen turned his hand into a fist. Jensen wished that he could have punched his pretty face with his freaking fist. He had just simply screwed everything up. Jensen sat at his desk, holding a feather pen which wasn’t being used to write anything but some worms that Jensen had drawn on his paper. Oh God! How could he let this happen? Since when had there been a sleeping merman on his bed? Since when had he taken the merman home? He tried to swim in his own memories and swore. Fuck! What the hell was he doing?

Jensen sighed and filled up his glass with wine. Times like this, he just wished that he could have drunk all wine in Morgan’s house’s cellar. Jensen lied by his desk, he didn’t get his eyes off the poor merman who was being covered by Jensen’s blankets. Purple on his lips, bruises on his cheeks, cuts on his chest, all of them were exposing to Jensen. As if they were reminding the man that he’s the one who caused all of this, not anybody else. He shook his head and tiredly eyed on the ceiling. It’s true, this was all on him.

He closed his eyes and recalled the event that happened today. It’s a normal evening when he’s watching the sunset from his room’s window. He heard those workers working for him laughing together, he heard Brock and Colin playing catching together, he heard some people selling fishes cursing each other, and he heard someone singing. And out of nowhere, he felt wary. Jensen felt like he’d been missing something in his life, something that would make him regret later. Jensen shook his head to shake that strange feeling which was rising in his throat off.

Twilight sun was as big as a giant fireball. It went down slowly as if the sea was gulping it. Jensen suddenly saw some blonde-haired woman in white waving for him from the sun. Jensen frowned, rubbed his eyes and narrowed them to have a better sight. Nothing. Jensen smiled faintly. Yes, of course, there’s nothing.

 But then, Jensen still felt his heart ached instantly. As if there’s someone who’s calling for him and he really wanted to meet that person, but there’s something holding both of them back, stopping both of them. Jensen chattered. He always did that whenever he’s thinking something important. He was missing a detail in a big picture in front of him and Jensen really couldn’t stand that. There’s something that was really, really close, but Jensen couldn’t reach out. There’s something that really, really needed Jensen, but he couldn’t find out who’s that one.

 _"Prison gates won't open up for me_  
_On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'_  
_Oh, I reach for you"_

_It’s like Jensen’s heart just stopped when he heard someone’s voice raising. He didn’t know whose it was, but it was very close to him, it surrounded him, and it’s as heavy as a wall on his chest._

_"Well I'm terrified of these four walls_  
_These iron bars can't hold my soul in_  
_All I need is you"_

Jensen felt like his head was going to explode. Oh God! What was the damned thing that he’s missing? What does this damned song have anything to do with him? Why the hell that he found himself hard to breathe like this? Why was he feeling his face getting red and hot? Why?

 _"Come please I'm callin'_  
_And all I scream for you_  
_Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'"_

And that there’s a hit that punched right on his head like a cataclysm. Jared!

Jensen dashed to the dock as fast as he could. Thank God that he had a wonderful strength, so he could run from the city center to the dock within under half an hour. He panted by the time he’s there, felt his feet getting hotter because of the blood which was bleeding out from them. He had been really a hurry that he had forgotten to put on some shoes. But those sharp rocks crashing his bare feet didn’t seem to bother him. Jensen quickly wiped out his sweat on his face and jumped on his ship.

Jensen didn’t think about anything else but Jared. All he could see in his head now was a merman crying desperately for him. He sailed alone, his hands were shaking when he remove each knot on the sail. Jensen was reckless enough to find the answers no matter what it took, also smart enough to know what’s going on.

Jared hadn’t got back to the sea a whole long night, the night that Jared had spent taking care of Jensen. Jared had been surrounding by human’s aura for a whole damn night, but he hadn’t sucked out any soul. That meant Jared had been with humans and those ugly mermen had a freaking good sense of smell. If realized that he’d been with a man, Jared would be punished by mermen’s rules. That was being skinned till those skins that had been touched by human were totally ripped out. Was that different from being executed?

The sun was mostly out of the sight. Jensen pulled the anchor up alone. The anchor was pretty heavy to a sailor, and he had to do that alone without Olsson helping him. Jensen’s hands began bleeding when he pulled the rope holding the anchor hastily. Right now, he didn’t know what’s heavier, his anchor or his heart. Because the more time he wasted here, the less time Jared got left.

Eventually, Jensen finished pulling his anchor. He jumped off the ship and pushed it out to the sea. Alone. There’s only a 30 something man and versus a ship which was as heavy as a building. Jensen chattered and pushed the ship forward. He heard someone asking him what he was doing, if he needed some help, where Olsson was. But he didn’t bother answering, he didn’t mind at all. All he needed was that the ship moving its body out of the dock.

And then, the ship moved. It’s like God was giving Jensen more strength. Jensen smiled and quickly climbed on his ship, guided it straight to the grey rock. “Jared, you don’t get to die!” he thought he said so when he’s worried. But he’s not sure.

Jensen stopped breathing when he saw Jared lying on the rock, body was bleeding. Jared’s chest was cut, each of those cuts was deep and dangerous, his lips were bruised and his face was damaged. Clearly, those things were new and they came from some mother fucker’s fist. Jensen gnashed, he shut his eyes closed. Jensen didn’t get to touch the sea’s water. The last time he did, Jared had saved him, but this time, there would be no one who could do that again. But Jensen couldn’t let Jared lie alone like that.

Jensen shook his head and opened his eyes. He decided that he would do what he had to do. Jensen took off his shirt and threw it on the ship’s floor. He took a deep breath, “Please protect me”. Jensen jumped off the ship. He could feel the freezing water hugging his skin. Jensen didn’t care much about that, to be honest. He swam hurriedly to the rock and crawled on it.

Jensen caught Jared’s head and his hand was searching the pulse on Jared’s neck. Still alive, Jensen relived. In this close, Jensen could finally see how bad Jared was. Each patch of Jared’s skin was peeled off his body. The beautiful soft skin now was not different from a rag that people threw away. Jensen gritted his teeth and his eyes were full of fury with whoever turned Jared into this.

“Please stop!” Jared’s body was shaking hard, tears were falling. Jared was completely out of sane when he said it, that’s just his body’s unconditional reaction. That even made Jensen angrier. He vowed that he would etch into the flesh of that fucker that had tortured Jared with his own hands. He would carve his name on that damned body with nails and hammer.

Jensen stroked Jared’s hair. He hugged the merman as much gently as possible, avoiding touching his wounds. “Shh… Jared, you stubborn, it’s me, Jensen. I’m here to rescue you. Don’t worry”, Jensen sighed out. His warmth radiated and embraced Jared’s full-of-wounded body.

Jared opened his eyes. There’s full of fear in his eyes. It’s like he’s looking at a monster instead of Jensen. Jared punched Jensen’s chest weakly as if he wanted to say something.

“Jared! It’s me, Jensen. I’m not the bad guy. You know it”.

Tears were covering Jared’s pretty face. They were falling into those wounds. Jared was trying to push Jensen away.

“What the hell?” Jensen honestly didn’t understand.

“Jensen!” he finally managed to speak, “Jensen! You have to… get out of here! Hurry up! This is… a trap! They’ll catch you!”

“Who?” Jensen shook his head, frowned his eyebrows.

“The Marine. They’ll catch you. You have to go now!” Jared said in pain.

“And you? What about you? I just let them torture you?” Jensen chattered, his eyes were clearly fury.

“Don’t mind me, Jensen”, Jared was shaking, “Don’t mind me. Just go. They’ll come to kill you!”

Jensen pulled out a knife from his pocket. His eyes were darkened like a cold-blooded murderer. “Then let them come!” Jared blinked instantly and he didn’t know what he’s more afraid of now, The Marine or Jensen.

“The vile mortal! You and the freak who doesn’t know his position!” a low voice was speaking challengingly. In front of Jensen and Jared right now was a brown-blonde-haired merman with grey fishtail. He’s holding a long sword.

Jensen held his knife tight and started on the defensive. “Where’s the rest?” Jensen asked.

“The rest? Hahaha”, the merman laughed. “What’s the rest? It only takes me to catch you”, he smirked.

“Too much confident, huh?” Jensen licked his lower lip and raised an eyebrow of his.

“I’m very humble, darling. I don’t understand why, Handsome. Why do you get your ass right in the death trap? Is it because of this merman? Is it because of this dirty whore?” his glance was filled with contemptuous.

“Watch your tongue!” Jensen lowered his voice like a warning.

“Wow, I’m so scared. You should teach me!” he patted his own chest.

“You started first!” Jensen smirked.

They both looked at each other’s eyes. Jensen observed his enemy. That fish didn’t have legs, Jensen would be better if he could draw his enemy to the rock. Jensen couldn’t stand touching the water for too long, and that’s his disadvantage. Jensen hold still his knife, he knew that he was an insane asshole right as soon as he plunged to punch the merman’s head.

“Jensen! No!” Jensen heard Jared screaming. The bad merman turned around and used his sword to stab Jensen, but Jensen quickly dodged and slashed the merman’s wrist with his knife. The merman dropped his weapon, be he’s not a newbie. Jensen was behind him, using his arms to squeeze the merman’s neck, compressing all of air out of his lungs. However, that damn fish was strong enough to use his elbow to hit Jensen’s stomach.

He entwined Jensen’s legs with his tail, used water as his advantage and reached out for Jensen’s head with his hands. Two hands of him squeezed Jensen’s neck and pulled Jensen over his head and threw the man to the water. Jensen threw his knife on the rock before getting immersion. The merman pulled Jensen’s hair to get him deeper and deeper into the sea. Jensen could begin feeling his body numbing. It’s sea water. He couldn’t stay under the sea for too long.

Jensen tried his best to get out, he punched the merman’s flank, but his punches got weaker and weaker. Dammit! Jensen could feel as clear as a day that his lungs were screaming at him, his eyes were getting blurry. No, Jensen! You can’t faint now! Jensen got his own pride, and he didn’t want to lose the fight.

“You fucker!” the merman stopped and punched Jensen’s face. “Five years…”, another punch, “That Padalecki kid has been refusing me for five years”, he strangled Jensen, “And then you came”, the merman stared straight to Jensen’s eyes. “What of you is better than me?” he squeezed his fingers harder at Jensen’s neck. “Huh? You tell me!” He continued strangling Jensen till Jensen stopped struggling. Jensen chattered before closing his eyes completely. Darkness came to Jensen’s mind.

Those fingers on Jensen’s neck got loosened. The merman looked at him scornfully: “You weak mortal!” he put his mouth closer to Jensen’s ear: “Do you know what I will do? I will torture Jared but with a totally different interesting way. I will make that little shit watch me fucking with your corpse. Oh Handsome, I have a lot of interesting things that you should be living to enjoy. I will show you what it feels to fuck a merman. Jared? That little shit is still a virgin. Can you believe it? Because he still wants to keep that thin membrane for a special one. I guess that is you. It’s so bullshit, man! I, I will make him watch me making love with the one he’s in love with. While you’re just a fucking corpse!” he smiled before getting his tongue in Jensen’s ear.

Suddenly, he felt there’s something just twisted in his stomach. No, it’s not a metaphor. There’s really something just twisted his stomach. He could feel clearly how the water flooding in his stomach and how his body was shaking. The grey-fishtailed merman took his eyes on his stomach. There’s a knife was staying on his stomach and on that knife was a hand. That hand belonged to Jensen.

He struggled. This couldn’t happen. How could a man hold his breath this long? Before he could get what’s going on, he heard himself screaming when the knife was pulled out and put back on his body at another spot and twisted hard.

He gasped, his lips were trembling. “How… How could you?” Right in front of his eyes was Jensen, the mortal who was supposed to be dead, now was safe and sound with those terrible eyes.

“You tortured Jared, didn’t you?” Jensen asked.

The merman swallowed hard. How the hell could a man talk and breathe under the sea?

“Answer my fucking question!” Jensen twisted the knife hard and the merman screamed in pain. Jensen punched his mouth to shut him up.

“Speak!” Jensen growled.

“Ye… Yes! Please spare me!” he begged like a tiny golden fish in Jensen’s hand.

Jensen’s face was as cold as ice. He didn’t even have any emotion when he stabbed the merman again, he didn’t even mind thinking about his scream. 

Jensen licked his lips and asked, “What is your name, marine?”

"It’s... ah... It’s Pellegrino", he panted.

“You’re a perverted, you know? You make me feel that I’m dirtying my knife. I’m gonna spare your freaking ass, because I don’t want my knife to get any part of yours, Pellegrino”, Jensen smirked and soullessly pulled his knife out.

Pellegrino shouted out and almost drowned under the sea before Jensen grabbed his hair. Jensen punched hard right at his chin and Pellegrino got knocked out right away. Jensen held the grey-tailed merman and leaned to his ear: “I will give you a present, just take it like it’s a meeting present, you son of a fish. You would never forget that, you would never forget the person that shaped you into you today, Pellegrino”. Jensen then coldly carved the merman’s skin with his own knife. “Jensen Ross Ackles”, the inscription on the merman’s skin was bleeding. That’s Jensen art work before he shoved Pellegrino down to the sea floor with his foot.

Jensen resurfaced and saw Jared lying on the rock, blood was still all over Jared’s body and his face was full of tears. Jared gasped when he saw Jensen, quickly sat up despite all of his opening wounds. “Jensen! Are you alright?” Jensen came to him and softly whispered to his ear: “It’s okay, Jared, I’m gonna take you outta here”.

“To where?” Jared started shaking, he hugged Jensen’s face.

“To my house, to anywhere that you could be save”, “Jensen stroked Jared’s brown hair.

“I… You will be in danger if you do it”, Jared sobbed.

“So what am I supposed to do? Leaving you here? You want me to leave you, huh?” Jensen frowned impatiently.

“I… no… I don’t want so…”, Jared cried out, his body was so tiny in Jensen’s arms.

Jensen smiled, “It’s good then. We’ll go now”.

Jared nodded and Jensen piggybacked him. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck, his stomach faced Jensen’s back. Jensen’s chest ached when he felt Jared got so much lighter. He’s so weak, so tired, so lifeless, so much that Jensen felt like what he had done to Pellegrino was not enough. Jensen shook his head, sensed his anger was rising in his chest. He’s so much angry that he could tear apart any merman that showed up right now in front of him.

Jensen swam to the ship with Jared on his back, tried to be gentle as much as possible for Jared not to feel the pain. “Hold on tight”, Jensen thoughtfully said. He knew that those corners of his lips were lifting a bit knowing that Jared nodded and tightened his hold on Jensen. Jared buried his face in Jensen’s neck and Jensen felt so guilty at the moment. If only he hadn’t met Jared, nothing of this would have had a chance to happen.

Jensen sighed before grabbing the rope ladder and climbing on the ship. He took his dry shirt and put it on Jared before carrying him to his room. Then he turned the ship back to the land as fast as possible. The more they stayed here, the less advantage for them. He was really careful when he took Jared to the city. Jensen put a long trench coat on Jared, long enough to cover his tail. Jensen carried Jared in his arms to his house in the middle of the night when there’s not many people around.  

And that’s it. That’s a whole story about why Jared was here, lying on Jensen bed, under Jensen’s blanket, in Jensen’s room, in Jensen’s house, in Jensen’s city. And now, another story was opened: how the hell could Jensen keep Jared safe here?

Jensen observed Jared from his desk, recalled what his reaction had been when things had happened to Jared. He didn’t quite understand why he could soullessly stab the grey-tailed merman without second thought like that. He always had a rule when he attacked any other ship: “you rob, you don’t kill”. And tonight, yes, he didn’t kill Pellegrino, but he could, and he would. He was almost a cold-blooded murderer out there. What was happening to him?

_“Mommy, what is love?”_

_“That’s the only thing you can’t control, sweetheart. That’s the only thing that is able to break every rule of yours”._

_“Ah… So it’s not good. Breaking rules is bad”._

_“Honey, breaking rules is bad. Yes. But when you find someone who’s worth enough for you to break your rules for them, isn’t that fascinating?”_

_“Um… Then maybe, I only love you, Mom”._

_“Why so?”_

_“It’s because I broke my rule for you, Mom”._

_“What rule?”_

_“Never giving any apple pie for anyone”_

_“Oh Jensen, I love you too”_

Jensen sighed. He put his hand on his panting and thought about something so far away. Jensen startled when he thought about the event this night. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and took off his shirt. Nothing. Not even a little bruise. Nothing.

Jensen had never felt like this in his life. He obviously knew that he couldn’t get to touch the sea for more than ten minutes, otherwise water would make it way to Jensen’s lungs and he would die. Sea water was toxic to Jensen’s body. He would die if he stayed there too long. He remembered how his body had been getting numb when his body touched the tenth minute. He had been so sure that he couldn’t make it when his lungs had been water-filled, and his strength had been sucked out.

 But then why? Why had he woken up when he had heard about Jared being tortured by Pellegrino? It’s like Jensen had just come back from the death and the thing that had been Jensen hadn’t really Jensen. It might be a demon from The Pit which had just made its way out of its cage.

_“Love is the chains that tie you up. Whoever you fall in love with will die. And whoever you protect will get died under your arms. You, it’s you the monster!”_

Jensen heard that disgusting voice by his ears. No! No! Jensen did not love Jared! And Jared did not love Jensen! They’re just friends! Jensen would never ever fall in love with anyone else. He had made himself that promise. He had just tried to protect his friend. No! He didn’t love Jared! And he would never love Jared!

However, it’s just the beginning, wasn’t it, Jensen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for staying with me, guys. I hope you enjoy this chapter. <3


	7. The Curse In The Heart

Jared woke up when he felt the sunlight hit his eyelids. He moved and pulled the blanket over his head then buried his face on the pillow. He wanted to sleep to forget the pain all over his body. His head was hurt as hell, his skin was dry as if he was sunned, and his throat was screaming for the lack of water. But those things seemed like not much matter to him at the moment. Jared just wanted to sleep. And if he’s lucky enough, Jared wished he could have died.

The merman sighed out. Today was the third day he’s on the land and also the third day he’s on Jensen’s bed. He had been sleeping endlessly since he came here. When he woke up, he cried, after crying, he went back to sleep. It seemed like all he could do. It seemed like that’s very him. A useless merman, a damned creature, something that everybody wanted to leave behind, that’s him. He thought it’s only the matter of time before Jensen kicked him out of his house.

Jared tried his best to sit up and reach out for the salty water bottle which Colin had put carefully on the table next to the bed. He gulped a bit, felt like his scales were fresher even when they were still pale. Jared stroked his own hair which was covering his eyes and silently sat to observe Jensen’s tidy room. An empty feeling was growing in his throat.

He could do nothing but causing others troubles. He let Jensen got hurt while rescuing him, he push the man into a dangerous place where Jensen’s life was threatened because of him. A single salty drop of water was falling from his eyes. Wasn’t the one gave himself for Jared too? He should have known his position. He should not have opened his heart for any other one. He should have not existed in this life.

Jared was remaining silent. He felt water on his face got more and more, but he didn’t bother wiping it. He’s not pretty anymore. He’s so ugly with those scars. So was it a big deal if he cried his eyes out till he was blind? The only reason helped him breathe till this moment was still that he didn’t want to waste Jensen’s effort.

He smiled faintly. His teeth were pressing so hard against his lower lip that blood was almost drawn out from it. Jensen hadn’t been home since Jared showed up in his house. He could understand why. Jensen was a free-willed man, a strong man. He’s the dream of many people. He even made a merman’s heart sobbing. Jared had used to be pretty, he had used to be talented and that’s why Jensen had been interested in Jared. But now, Jared was only a handicap. All he did was lying on bed all day, crying all day. He couldn’t walk, couldn’t do anything to pay Jensen back. So why should Jensen attach to him? Jared thought that the only reason made Jensen hadn’t kick his ass out yet was that Jensen was too nice.

Jared let that thought get deep into his brain, so deep that it terrified him and then he fell as sleep in his own nightmares.

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

Jensen stepped silently into his room. He didn’t want to wake Jared up. The man walked in the bathroom and closed the door. He took off his shirt covered in his own blood and there came a wound on his right side of stomach. The wound was not too deep but it looked bad enough to him. The young captain washed the wound with water. Those skins from the wound started falling on the floor. Jensen bit his lips to hold back any noise he could make. The last thing he wanted was that Jared saw this scene.  

After cleaning up the wound, Jensen started sterilizing himself with liquor. He chattered when the white liquid touched his opening wound on his stomach. Jensen panted and tried his best not to groan. Sweat on his forehead started showing thicker and clearer. Jensen wiped them off before drinking a third of the liquor bottle with one try and put it on the floor. He then reached for white ribbon and wrapped it around his stomach tight enough for the wound. After everything was completed, Jensen stood up and cleaned the mess. He picked up his shirt and shook his head, “This is my favorite shirt”.

Jensen stepped out of the bathroom just to find Jared was starring at him. Jensen quickly hid his shirt behind his shirt and smiled awkwardly, “Hey there”.

Jared’s empty eyes looked at Jensen, didn’t smile or say anything back, just remained silent and nodded.

After a whole awkward minute, Jensen licked his lower lip and said, “I… Um… I gotta go out”.

Jared nodded. His face held still his emotionless expression. Jensen nodded, too and he watched the merman laying down, pulling the blanket to cover his body. Jared faced the wall. Jensen was about to walk out of the room before he heard Jared speaking.

“You know, today, I’m strong enough”, his voice was weak and there’s some pain somewhere in the middle of the sentence.

“Um”, Jensen stopped, “Good”, he replied.

“You can take me back to the sea this evening”, Jared said, tried his best not to let his emotion access his voice.

“Wait… What?” Jensen frowned. Who the heck wanted to get back to where he got tortured the crap out of him? “What do you mean?” Jensen continued.

“I… I wanna get back to the sea”, Jared silently spoke. He was really, really silent.

“Why?” Jensen closed the door of his room, turned on his heal and got back to the room.

“Because I want so”, Jared tiredly answered.

“Jared? What the hell? You will die if you get back there”, Jensen sat down on the chair next to the bed.

Jared didn’t answer anything and that made Jensen have to continue again, “Jared? Explain to me!”

“Nothing. I just wanna go home”, Jared answered. This time, his voice was trembling as if he’s hiding his sobbing.

Jensen couldn’t stand this nonsense. He couldn’t stand Jared’s stubbornness. He couldn’t stand Jared’s childishness. He couldn’t stand how Jared wanted to do anything he wanted. Jensen was angry and he didn’t know why. He felt like he’s not enough for this damn merman. He felt like the fact that he risked his life for that son of a fish was worthless, useless. He felt his pride was tramped.

When Olsson had advised him not to bring a wild horse home without expecting one day, when he had been strong enough, he would have kicked Jensen and run back to his gang, he had been sure Jared had been different. And now, he was looking at that horse kicking his pride. That horse was laughing at his faith. The horse was laughing at how stupid he was. And Jensen couldn’t stand that.

He held himself back and asked once again. This time, his voice was very low, so low that it made people feel dangerous. “Jared Padalecki, I’m asking you again, why do you wanna leave?”

“Because I hate you!” Jared yelled out and pushed the bottle to fall off the table.

That’s it! It’s too much for Jensen! He roared, threw the shirt off the floor and jumped on the bed. His hands tightened Jared’s wrists and pressed them to the mattress. Jared struggled. His tail was weakly pushing Jensen far from him, but Jensen immediately used his thighs to hold his tail still.

“You are an ungrateful bitch! I saved you! And you, a jerk, couldn’t thank me! And now you hate me? For what? Why do you hate me, huh? Is that because you fall for me? You’re blaming me for your damn feelings huh? What do you hate me for? Is it because you feel like you’re betraying your ex? Jared! You hate me because you still love him or because you can’t love him as much as you love me?”

Jensen roared loudly. His weight was on the weak merman. Every word of Jensen was like a sharp knife cutting Jared’s heart. Jared shouted, struggle and got angry. He didn’t know if he’s struggling because he wanted to escape Jensen or because he wanted Jensen to control him tighter. He didn’t know if he’s mad at Jensen because the man thought he knew Jared or because Jensen actually knew him too well. He wanted Jensen to shut up, to stop talking. Jared hated Jensen.

And then the next thing he knew was that he completely lost himself. Jared put his lips on Jensen’s. His tongue was sliding into Jensen’s mouth. That’s when Jensen went numb. He didn’t squeeze Jared’s wrists anymore, his legs didn’t hold Jared’s tail anymore and he didn’t roar anymore. Jensen let everything go. But Jensen didn’t reply that kiss. In fact, he pushed himself off Jared.

Jensen gasped. His panic was showing up too obvious on his face. There’s no more Jensen who controlled Jared. It’s Jensen who was terrified by Jared. He immediately wiped his mouth, grabbed his shirt and ran out of his room.

Jared didn’t know why. He tried to understand the reason, tried to analyze what he had done wrong. And then he understood that everything was totally wrong. Wasn’t that obvious? Jensen disgusted him. He was a half man half fish, disgusting, stinky, used, ugly, contemptible creature. He’s the thing that nobody wanted.

Jared chattered. He knew what he should do now. He pushed him off the bed and picked up a piece of the broken glass bottle on the floor. The image of the one showed up in his head. The one smiled at him with his blued beautiful eyes and he smiled back at the empty space. “I love you”, Jared closed his eyes and happily smiled.

Jared slowly fell as sleep by his own blood. In that dream, he saw his lover and he turned into two small beautiful birds.

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

Jared woke up again, felt some kind of familiar warmth which he hadn’t been met for too long. He slowly opened his eyes to see Jensen was holding his hand. His head was lying on the bed, but his body was sitting on the chair. Jared gently squeezed his own hand and he didn’t know that he smiled when Jensen’s fingers unconsciously squeezed back.

Jared bit his bottom lip when he saw a small white cloth wrapping around his wrist. He recalled that he had slit his own wrist when Jensen had left him alone. And then he woke up. Maybe Jensen went back to help him when he had been unconscious.

Jared felt himself as Jensen’s burden. However, he didn’t understand why Jensen kept on saving him if Jensen didn’t want him to be by his side. He didn’t get why Jensen had to be the good man when obviously Jared was not worth it.

Jared sighed out tiredly. He sat up and stroked Jensen’s hair. He wished Jensen could kiss him, wished he could be good enough for Jensen. He wished he could do something to please Jensen. But how could he do anything if Jensen didn’t want him the way he wanted Jensen?

The door opened a bit. A light from outside made its way to slide into Jensen’s dark room. A strong tall man walked in. It’s Olsson. It had been a long time since Jared had met Olsson. He looked angry like he could tear Jared apart. It’s easy to understand. Jared had promised that he would only meet Jensen one last time, and now he’s with Jensen. He wondered if there’s anyone who wasn’t jealous.

And if Jared was completely honest with himself, he’s jealous too. It’s because Olsson could be with Jensen all the time, could wander with Jensen after all those years. And that’s because Jensen _wanted_ Olsson to be with him. Jared was different. Jensen wanted to keep him by his side because Jensen was a good man. Jensen _didn’t want_ Jared.

“Olsson”, Jared quietly said but Olsson quickly put his hand on Jared’s mouth telling him to hush. He closed the distance between Jared’s ear and his mouth, Olsson whispered, “Don’t move. Stay quiet”. Olsson’s low dangerous voice sent Jared a chill. Jared wanted to scream but Olsson’s hand was muzzling his mouth, shutting him up. Jared frowned, tried to struggle but he’s not strong enough. It’s because Olsson was a vampire and vampire was witch of the land. Like Jared, Olsson could control people with his voice. But different from Jared, Olsson could even control merman.

Olsson picked Jared up and left Jensen’s room then got him to Olsson’s room. He put Jared on the bed and started pulling the chair to put it next to the bed. He sat down and his eyes didn’t get off of Jared’s body. Jared was scared. He didn’t think that he liked what was going to happen. “What do you want?” Jared tried to stay calm.

“Padalecki, this is what I don’t want to tell you, but I have to. It’s for your safety and Jensen’s, too”, Olsson sighed out. His eyes were softer and they’re becoming beautiful blue that Jared had never seen. Hands on his chin, Olsson looked at Jared with an unreadable expression.

Jared titled his head and looked at him. He didn’t really understand what’s going on here. One second ago, Olsson had taken Jared as his enemy, now he wanted to confide?

“Jensen, the kid is slowly having some feelings for you”, Olsson spoke.

Jared shook his head, “No, he’s not”.

“Yes, he is. Even though I don’t want to admit, but the kid is having feelings for you”

“How come? He refused me”, Jared avoided Olsson’s eyes.

“Yes, but it’s because he have to. It’s for the safety of both of you”, Olsson looked at some distance.

“Why?” Jared frowned. This time, he looked right at Olsson’s eyes to search for the answer.

“Haizzz…” Olsson sighed. He walked out from the chair.

Jared observed the vampire for a while before he’s standing in front of the merman. Olsson looked right at Jared’s soul. “Do you believe in curse?” Jared blinked and frowned before Olsson nodded and walked to the chair and sat down again.

“There’s an old story about a mermaid falling for a sailor. They loved and brought a child to this life. That kid was the proof of the law-breaking of nature. That means right after being born, the kid would bear some kind of curses. One of those curses was pain. And one of those kind of pains was witness those people the kid loved died”.

Jared shook his head crazily, “Does this have anything to do with me?” He panted, hoped that this wasn’t what he was thinking.

“You get me”, Olsson silently said.

Jared felt like his heart just stopped beating. He didn’t get that. He’s obviously not the cursed child, and so was Jensen. He couldn’t bear any mortal in his stomach. What does this mean?

“Olsson, I don’t get it”, Jared started shaking.

“Jensen, he’s the cursed child. I think you know the story of Donna the mermaid”.

Jared swallowed hard. It couldn’t be! Donna was caught by a pirate! He couldn’t be Jensen’s mother. Couldn’t be!  

“Donna fell for a young sailor. His name was Alan, Alan Ackles. He saved her from fisherman’s net and almost risked his life for her. Donna fell for Alan and then gave birth to Jensen. He was half man, half merman. Jensen could swim, dive, talk, and breathe under the sea like mermen. Jensen could walk, jump, dance, and run on the land like humans. And the special thing was that Jensen was uninfected with all of you guys’ magic”.

“Olsson stopped before continued with his sad eyes, “But that also means with Jensen is the cursed child. When Nixie knew about the hybrid child, he threw all the awful on Jensen’s head. Jensen isn’t allowed to touch the sea water or else he die with water in his lungs”.

Jared suddenly recalled the time Jensen caught him up when he dived under the sea. Jensen was diving like a real merman. He suddenly recalled how bad Jensen’s fever when he’s under the ocean and Jared had to take care of him. Was it true that Jensen Donna’s son?

“But that’s not the worst”, Olsson continued, “The worst is that Jensen has to live all his life alone. He isn’t allowed to love anyone. His parents died when he’s too young. When he’s 18, he loved Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Right when he shared his first kiss with Morgan, the Kappa showed up and took Morgan from his life. He had to suffer that pain for a whole long time. However, he doesn’t turn to be a cold person. After getting through that pain, Jensen decided to pick up what Morgan left off. The kid has helped many people. Jensen thinks that the more people he helps, the happier he feels and he finally can forget the curse”.

Was that why Jensen didn’t kiss Jared? Was that because Jensen was trying to protect Jared? And that’s why Jared hated Jensen? He hated Jensen because Jensen had always been thinking for Jared? Jared felt that everything was so horrible for Jensen. Yes, Jared lost the one he had loved most because of the sea law. But even when Jensen loved a human like him, he couldn’t let himself love that person? Jared felt his lips were trembling and his eyes were full of tears.

All his life, Jared had been taught that human beings were the disgusting kind, but let’s take a look at what mermen had done to a kid. And then Jared felt that Jensen was even greater than what Jared had already thought Jensen was. When being left, all Jared thought was committed suicide. But even when there’s nothing left for Jensen, the man still tried to help all people. Why did a man like Jensen deserve this stupid awful curse? That wasn’t fair! Jared held his fist angrily. He was really super angry.

“When hearing your song, Jensen felt that you needed some help. That’s why the kid met you that night. Jensen supposes that no creature deserves being lonely. Even if that creature is a human-blood-sucking vampire like me or a human-soul-eating merman like you. But the more he helps you, the more Jensen changes. I could feel that right when his eyes turned warmer whenever he looked at you. I could feel it when he’s ready to jump to the sea just to explain himself to you, when the kid’s not afraid of fighting a Marine to save you. That kid might not admit that he has some feelings for you, but he’s truly already had”.

The honest in Olsson’s voice made Jared hard to breathe. He didn’t know how to deal with this information.

And that, he spoke, “I… I do have feelings for Jensen, too”.

“I know. Right when you vowed that you wanted to meet him one last time just to make sure that he’s fine, I knew that you fell for him. And that… like it or not, I have to say that it’s dangerous. I don’t want Jensen’s heart got broken all over again, I don’t want the kid has to watch the person he loves die again”.

“What can I do for Jensen? Please tell me”, Jared quickly said.

Olsson shook his head, “Right now, I still have no idea. But I think there’s a way to break Jensen’s curse”, he licked his lips.

“Really?” Jared straightened, “How?”

“I don’t know yet. But it seems like Jensen’s stronger when you’re around”.

“What?” Jared was shocked.

“When he heard that you got tortured, the kid pushed a whole ship to the ocean with his bare hands. When fighting with the Marine to rescue you, the kid passed his under-the-sea limit time. I think you’re the key, but I’m not so sure”, Olsson hesitated.

“Olsson, I will do everything to help Jensen, even if I have to leave Jensen to protect him”.

“No, I don’t think you leaving Jensen is a good idea. Just stay by Jensen’s side, but don’t cross your line. I don’t want he to admit that he loves you and you guys both end up in misery. I want to confirm every way before giving my conclusion”.

Jared nodded. But there’s no way that he would sit still. He would search for every freaking way to break Jensen’s curse. It’s not because of himself, but it’s because he couldn’t stand seeing Jensen smiling in front of everyone when his heart was in pain. Jared wanted Jensen to be happy. And then he suddenly realized that this was the first time in his life that he wanted someone to be happy, someone that’s not him.

 ****


	8. The Weeds In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen got jealous while he knew that he shouldn't be.

Jensen felt annoyed and he himself didn’t even understand why. Was it true that he’s just a redundant character in the own tale that he’s chasing? Recently, Jensen could be mad at anyone. He could unreasonably kick a chair, just because it’s standing on his way. He could unreasonably blame Jared, just because he tasted the food wasn’t good that day. He could unreasonably get mad at Brock, just because he felt things didn’t go as he wanted.

But there’s nothing called “unreasonably” here. The sailor just tried to cover his own eyes. He knew clearly what caused him, a true gentleman, become a butcher guy. Sometimes, Jensen just wanted to sail far away from anybody else. He just wanted to be alone with the wave, the wind, and those white gulls. He wanted to get rid of this freak feeling that stayed in his heart. But no matter what he did, there’s no way to make him feel better.

Jensen rubbed his sleeping eyes. The man turned his sight to the empty part of his bed. It’d been two weeks. Jared had been in Jensen’s house for two weeks and they had been sleeping together in one bed. Those first days, Jared had always intentionally touched Jensen’s body and he had done as if it had just been accidentally. Jensen had tried to explain to Jared that all he had wanted had been a sleep. It’d been just that basic. Jensen hadn’t wanted Jared to push everything further. And by the forth time, everything had ended. When Jensen went to bed, Jared had been sleeping since forever, his back faced Jensen and a pillow was lying between them. When Jensen opened his eyes, Jared had left the bed earlier. Things had been keeping going like that for a week and a half. Jared didn’t even talk to Jensen anymore. What they talked was just simply “Hi”, “Are you going out?”, “Be careful”, “How are you?”, “I’m good”, “Me too”…  And Jensen should feel relive when Jared didn’t want to take their relationship to another level. However, instead, all he could feel was abandoned, upset, and frustrated.

Obviously, today was the same. Jensen woke up alone on his bed and he felt super empty. Jensen reached his right side of the bed where Jared had lied. He buried his face in Jared’s pillow and took a deep breath. Mild aroma of the sea broke into the man's nostrils carrying a bag of nostalgia. Jensen could sense a huge wave was lapping at the guy’s heart, making it shaken. Why was Jared so close, but also so far? Why couldn’t Jensen reach out for Jared? Why did he become a supporting role in his own life’s story?

Jensen left his bed, stepped in his bathroom and washed his face. By the time he got out of it, Jared was sitting on the bed. He could observe Jared’s hair was braided and on his head, there was a new rose crown. Jared was excitedly looking at Jensen like a kid who just got his Christmas present. Jensen knew that Jared was having something really joyful that he’d love to share with him, but Jensen also knew that there’s someone who had given Jared that flower crown. And that thing made him feel not really joyful, to be true.

“Jensen! You’re up. Look! Brock made this flower crown for me!”

Of course, it must be Brock Kelly. It had always been Brock Kelly. Jensen was not an idiot. He could see. And he knew that since Jared stopped touching him on bed, Brock had been gotten closer to Jared. Of course, Jared couldn’t walk. If the merman wanted to go somewhere, he needed someone to carry him or piggyback him. And interestingly, that someone was Brock Kelly. No, it’s not Jensen Ackles anymore. From that day, Brock hadn’t asked to go sailing anymore. He had been volunteering to stay home to take care of Jared. Jensen was supposed to be rest assured, but no, the man felt like he’s cheated. Sometimes, he accidentally saw “the young couple” talking to each other in the garden, or sometimes, they set flowers on each other’s hair, or even whispered something in each other’s ears then laughing ridiculously. There was a time when he caught Jared smiling at Brock admirably while the kid was feeding Jared. Jensen couldn’t deny that he was so angry. That had been the kind of eyes which Jared had offered Jensen. But now, everything’s different. Everything was about Brock Kelly now. There’s nothing that belonged to Jensen Ackles anymore. He felt like he’s replaced. He felt like being betrayed.

“It’s beautiful”, said the man. His eyes didn’t even bother looking at Jared. All he wanted was rushed to and tore that flower crown apart. He wanted to throw it on the floor and stepped on it. He wanted to immediately throw Jared on bed, pressed his heavy body against Jared’s and took a deep breath of Jared’s smell. He wanted to roar: “Mine! You’re mine!” and made Jared be his forever. But he couldn’t. After all, his mother had taught him better than this. Jeffrey Dean Morgan had spent around ten years to raise him to be a gentleman. He couldn’t do that.

“Jensen… There’s something I want to tell you…” Jared smiled. His dimples were showing. Jensen swore that if he’s not too upset, he could hold on and watched Jared a bit. Maybe he could lay a kiss on Jared’s dimples.

“Later. I’m busy now”, Jensen grabbed his jacket and walked away.

“But Jensen…”

“Bye, Jared. I see you later”

And Jensen closed the door behind him and left. He walked without stopping, without looking back, without turning his head around. He’s afraid that if he saw Jared’s hurtful face, he would be dolorous, would reconsider, and would hug that merman. He didn’t want to go weak for anybody, because right at this moment, he’s the one who got hurt too. He was risk his life to save Jared. And for what? All he got back was a young couple in his own house. He turned to a beautiful background for two main actors in a play. Jensen could lie to himself, but there’s no way for him to run away from his feelings.

Jensen walked through his garden and suddenly stopped when he saw some kind of weeds were standing among his budding rose bushes.

_“Jensen, tell me, what kind of flowers that you love?”_

_“I don’t like any kind of flower, my lord”_

_“Um… Why?”_

_“Flowers are the kind of thing that quickly grow up, quickly die. They’re beautiful today and droopy tomorrow. They emit scents today and fade tomorrow. They’re just a symbol of correspondence. They’re just a kind of beauty that people draw”._

_“So you’re weeds”_

_“Weeds?”_

_“Yes. You’re weeds”, the tall man with dark hair and sweet eyes walked towards those rose bushes and picked up a bunch of weeds. “Look at them, Jensen. These are weeds. They’re not as beautiful as flowers. They’re the pain in the ass. They always battle nutrients with flowers. They clearly hate flowers, just like you. Unlike flowers, weeds are the kind of plant that boom like crazy. They don’t need anybody to take care of them. They give themselves the rights to survive. They give themselves a home. They grow and flourish themselves. They stand up with their own feet. Just like you, Jensen. And when they got cut out of the grounds, their children will be born right at that spot. They are annoying. No matter how hard you try, you never can destroy them forever. It’s because they’re stronger than any other species. There’s no a hand of any human can lay on them. Just like you, Jensen. Always be weeds”_

_Jensen listened to him with his all mind. And he didn’t realize that he’s smiling. He smiled because there’s someone who understood him. He smiled because there’s someone who was providing vitality to him. Jensen could hear those birds joyfully singing in the garden. And then he could feel the man’s hand touched gently on his hair and sweetly like a spring song._

_“Always be my weeds”, said the man. He laid a weeds crown on Jensen’s head._

_Jensen’s eyes were lighter and the guy nodded. “Always be yours, Jeff”._

Jensen swallowed hard. Maybe promises were forever promises. They would never come true. Who did he think he was, anyway? How could he become someone’s something forever? He was a hybrid kid who got cursed. Since the day he’s born, he’d always been the annoying kind of weeds. He couldn’t live well nor die. There’s always somebody who wanted to destroy him, but he could never be destroyed. After all, was it right that he’s the kind of weeds that Jeff had said, the kind that deserved to be killed but couldn’t be killed?

“Jensen, where are you going?” a young voice spoke up. It made Jensen startled.

Jensen turned around and he saw Brock. Brock looked like Jensen as if the young guy was Jensen’s twin, but less handsome. The kid was wearing a leather jacket outside and white shirt inside, a pair of black boots and a pair of black gloves. He definitely was about to take care of Jensen’s garden. The older man wanted to smile at Brock as always until the younger dude opened his mouth again.

“Did Jared tell you the thing that he wanted to tell you?”

Oh, right. Jared would tell Brock first. Was it strange? Of course, it’s not. They’re in love with each other. Jensen had no rights to judge. And if Jared couldn’t say, Brock would say behalf him. There’s nothing for Jensen to be mad at, right?

“No. I am busy now”, Jensen replied with a couldn’t-get-colder voice.

“It’s weird. He told me that he had to tell you at all cost”, Brock frowned.

“Brock, it’s not your business”, Jensen chattered looking at Brock.

“I know. But, Jensen…”

“Brock Vincent Kelly! I told you that this is not your business!” Jensen roared, his eyes were full of anger.

“But, Jensen…”

“Don’t you get what I’m saying?!” Jensen pressed Brock against the wall.

The kid gasped, looked at Jensen with horror. Since he moved to live with Jensen, he had never seen Jensen been like this. Jensen had always been the role model that Brock would love to follow. Jensen had always been a kind, smart gentleman. To Brock, the man had always been a living saint, a man who deserved more than all of Brock’s respect. To Brock, Jensen had always been the hero of every story, a lighthouse of every ship in the dark night. To Brock, Jensen had always been a brother that he would never dream of.

“I told you that it’s not your business! When I brought you here, you’re not deaf, were you?!” Jensen looked no different than a wolf looking at his enemy. His hand pressed tight on Brock’s neck, made his eyes turn white.

“J-Jensen, I…” Brock was tremblingly looking at Jensen.

“Mr. Ackles! Call me Mr. Ackles!” Jensen said loudly. That made his workers on the cotton farm stop. Colin and Ty ran to Jensen and Brock.

“Jensen, what’s going on?” Ty asked.

“Nothing”, Jensen lowed his voice and let go of Brock.

Brock fell down on the ground and Colin ran to the guy, “Brock, are you alright?”

“I am”, the young boy coughed and said. But he’s not, Jensen knew it. Jensen had just threatened his life. How could the kid feel alright? But was that making Jensen care? Maybe yes. Maybe not.

Jensen walked away, his fingers rolled into a fist, eyes looked forwards. Cold and horrible, that’s what Brock saw from his hero at the moment.

“Jensen, is everything alright?” Olsson asked and Jensen stopped.

Brock felt like his heart stopped. He started being afraid of Jensen’s eyes whenever the man looked at him. “This is the last time that I say this. My business is not yours!” Jensen raised his head a bit. “From now on, you guys should show me your respect! All of you! I give you a home, I’m the boss here. I create rules here! From now on, each person of you should know your position! From now on, nobody is allowed to call me Jensen! I’m nobody’s son, nobody’s brother, nobody’s cousin. I am Ackles! Call me Mr. Ackles! Show me your respect or get the fuck out of this house! If anyone feels that is so harsh, you’re always allowed to leave! If you guys find that you need to stay, then be a man, stand up and suck it!”

The silence was falling over the garden. Birds in the garden didn’t even dare to sing, winds in the garden didn’t even dare to blow. And everybody around the mansion didn’t even dare to breathe. It’s like a small noise could drive Jensen crazy. Jensen had never been like this. Never. Jensen had always been the man that everybody respected. People respected him because he’s a kindest man even when he’s the most powerful man. But right at this moment, people stayed silent because they’re afraid of him, not because they’re respecting him.

Jensen looked around then looked up at his room’s window. Jared was there, watching him with terrified. His eyes were full of scared and disappointed. He looked at Jensen as if the owner of the house was a monster. It should be that way. Jensen should be afraid of him instead of loving him. That’s what supposed to be. Jensen was silent for awhile before walking away, leaving people looking after him with shocked and tremendous.

**~~~~~o~~~~~**

“Jensen?”

“Mother?”

Donna stood in front of the guy. Her shoulder-length blond hair carried a light smell of some kind of flowers from the sea. Donna was still wearing her white dress. The woman looked at Jensen with all love. Her hand slightly caressed his face. Jensen held his mother’s hand, he slowly fell his head on her chest.

“You dream about me again”, Donna smiled.

“I just want to dream about you all the time, Mother”, Jensen sighed. His voice was broken as if he’s about to cry.

“Why, honey?” Donna stroked her son’s dark blond hair. “What upset you?”

“I don’t know”, Jensen squeezed his arms, hugged Donna tight. “I wish I know what this feeling is. I wish there’s somebody could tell me what to do. I wish you would be with me. Mom, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll put him in danger”.

“Who is that man?” Donna asked gently.

“Jared. His name is Jared. He… He’s very special, Mom. He’s as special as Jeff. But Jeff… I killed Jeff. I can’t, Mom, not anymore”, Jensen cried, his tears seeped into Donna’s white dress. His voice was shaking, his arms were getting weak.

“Jensen”, Donna mildly raised her son’s chin. “That’s not your fault”, she looked at his eyes. “Jeff passed away, it’s not his fault”, her hand wiped out those tears falling from his eyelashes. “I died, that’s not your fault”, she gently slid her hand on his hair. “And if you love Jared”, she kissed his forehead, “it’s not your fault, either”.

Donna smiled at Jensen and tears in his eyes were rising again.

“Why are you not with me? Why don’t you tell me what to do next?” Jensen asked, his voice was full of pain.

“Because, honey, you don’t need anybody to tell you what to do. You can chase any fairy tales that you want with your own legs. You’re my weeds, Jensen. I love you”.

And then Donna vanished in front of his eyes like a smoke from someone’s tobacco. Jensen wished that he could be with his mother from a little longer, he wished he could be wherever his mother was, he wished too much. But then he’s just a kind of cursed weeds, forever he could never kill himself.

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

Jensen walked back to his house when the night was getting old. He was drunk, staggered like a homeless old man. His clothes were dirty, his hair was messy, and his body was smelly. He didn’t look different from a walking dead. But at the moment, the guy couldn’t bring himself to care about how he looked. He wanted peace, to get back to his bed, to fall on his back and sleep. And if he’s lucky enough, he hoped he could dream about his father, or mother, or Jeff. They were three only things that were beautiful in this ugly world that he had to suffer.

He honestly didn’t hope that when he walked into his room, he would fine Jared was sitting still on the bed, waiting for him. He looked like a good wife who had been waiting for her husband to come home after a long ass day. It looked like a wife who after seeing her husband home would do everything it took to please her husband, took care of her husband, and brought a nice simple dinner for him. Jensen suddenly realized that it had always been his wish since he’s a kid. That’s what he had always been wanted. But that’s before Jeff’s gone.

Jensen turned his bleary eyes to Jared and smirked. Jared was such a great wife who had been waiting for her husband after having so much fun with a twenty-year-old young dude. That thought climbed in Jensen’s nerves and it drove him mad, but he stayed calm, controlled his temperature. The man could go to sleep and pretend that none of this was happening.

“Jensen, where have you been?” Dammit Jared. All Jensen wanted was peace, didn’t you get it? Why the hell did you ask him so?

Jensen stopped and looked at Jared. He was sitting subserviently like a good girl. “That’s not your business”, Jensen answered.

“Have you been drinking?” Jared asked again. This time, his eyes were staring at Jensen.

“What if it’s a yes? What if it’s a no? Is that having something to do with you?” Jensen looked right into Jared’s eyes like a strike back.

“No. There’s nothing have to do with me”, Jared replied and he looked down at his scales.

“Good!” Jensen was about to walk towards the bathroom to drink some water before being stopped by an anger climbing to his throat.

“Why did you attack Brock?”

It’s Brock again. Brock now was the star of this house. Everybody cared about Brock. Brock now was the light of the dark ocean. And Jensen was just a drunk, despicable, violent dick. Yes. He’s an asshole, so what?

“No reason”. Jensen felt like he didn’t need to explain to some stubborn merman like Jared.

“It’s making no sense, Jensen. Brock didn’t hurt anybody! What’s wrong with you?” Jared raised his voice higher, louder. It drove Jensen angry. The man felt like he’s being trampled, being judged.

“What’s wrong with me? You’re the one who has something wrong!” Jensen raised his voice higher than Jared’s.

“What’s wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with me?” Jared opened his eye wider to look at Jensen.

They both looked at each other in fury for awhile before Jensen relaxed his body. He left, muttered: “Forget it. Flowers like you would never understand”.

“Then please enlighten me!” Jared dared.

“Damn it, Jared! Why the hell don’t you let it go?” Jensen growled and hit the table with his fist.

“You blame people for not understanding you, but have you ever given them a chance to understand you? You open a door to let people step one foot in then quickly close it because you’re afraid that people will hurt you. But you don’t understand that you hurt people too when you close that damned door, do you? Jensen, you can’t be that selfish!”

“I am selfish!? Me?! Padalecki, are you saying that I’m selfish? Flowers like you, those who got loved, cared from people would never fucking understand. You’re a merman. All of your life, people worship you and you used to that. So that’s why you could never live without anybody. That’s you, a beautiful but pathetic flower. Do you actually think that people truly love you? People just desire your beauty, your aura. You quickly grow, quickly die. You emit scents today and fade tomorrow. That’s who you are. But you would never understand. And me, I am a weed. I have to live under people’s feet. I have to live with being trampled by people. I have to stand up on my own. I have to be successful with my own empty hands. I have to live all alone, being abandoned. But have I ever given up? Never! And you, just one refusal, and you’re immediately running to somebody else’s arms. Because you are a loser, Jared! You are a loser!”

Jared’s eyes were getting wet. All of his life, he had heard enough awful things since he’s born, since he’s falling in love with a sea witch. But he had never thought that Jensen thought the same thing about him. He had thought that Jensen could understand him, could see what’s the real him under all his beauty. He had thought that Jensen could understand his real value. He had thought Jensen had come to him because he felt the same thing to Jared, not because Jared’s a pathetic merman. Perhaps he’s wrong. But he’s not a loser.

“And you’re the winner, huh?” Jared furiously looked at Jensen.

“What?” Jensen raised his eyebrows.

“Do you really think you’re the winner, weed? If you’re really strong, so why are you running from the tale that you’re supposed to be the main character? If you’re really brave, so why did you hurt a weak kid? Perhaps you’re not something that people always say. Perhaps you’re just deluding yourself that you’re a tough kind of weeds. The truth is, Jensen Ackles, you’re the kind of weeds that everybody hates, wants to destroy. And you’re just pretending to be a beautiful strong kind of weeds.”

“Shut up!” Jensen angrily jumped on Jared. Jensen’s weight caused Jared breathless. But instead of struggling to avoid Jensen, Jared was pushing his body closer to Jensen’s. He panted. His body’s heat was rising.

Jensen squeezed Jared’s wrists violently. “Apologize to me! Jared Padalecki, I command you to apologize to me!”

“No!” Jared definitively answered the man. His eyes were staring right through Jensen. “I was not wrong and I would not apologize to any asshole”

“Jared Padalecki!” Jensen growled. His eyes were extremely murderous. Jensen then looked no different than a cold-blooded shark which Jared used to see under the sea. The man was scary, cold, horrible, strong, evil and crazy. But that didn’t make Jared afraid of him. After all, Jared was the boss of the sea.

“Brock is better than you. So much better, Jensen”, Jared challenged.

“I don’t allow you to speak of Brock!” Jensen turned his voice lower.

Jared smirked, “Why not?”

Jensen looked at Jared for a moment. The man’s body was getting hotter by the alcohol, by Jared’s heat. Too close, Jared was too close to him. He could swallow Jared like a wolf swallowed a rabbit right now. Jared constantly pushed his tail in between Jensen’s crotch. Lust was rising in Jensen’s eyes. It’s so much that Jensen’s eyes turn too dark. There’s no other color in his eyes but black. They’re as sharp as knife, as dark as the bottom floor of ocean. Jared’s breath kept hitting Jensen’s chest nonstop. He had to control himself. Jensen couldn’t let an impulsive moment ruin their both lives.

However, the next thing that Jensen’s aware of was that Jared’s moan by his ear when he bit Jared’s neck and sucked the sensitive skin hard. “Because you’re mine!” Jensen heard his own voice growling.


	9. The Fever In The Heart

Everything happened too fast, too fast for Jared to catch up. He thought he might die and whatever was going on was the Hell that he deserved. He fell for a human and what he’s going through now was nothing but some kind of punishment. But if this was the punishment that Hell was putting on his body, then he didn’t want to step on Heaven at all.

Jensen bit Jared’s neck hard enough for the merman to hiss. “Mine”, he heard Jared’s voice groaning by his ear. Jensen’s low voice was like a cold line of ocean at night from The Winchester Sea. It flowed from his ear to his spine. The merman bit his lower lip, tried his best not to let any sound come out from his mouth. Jared wished he could stop his own heart’s beating sound that was emanating from his chest. It was like Jared was afraid of the fact that whatever he’s doing would be heard by The Nixie. It was like Jared was worried that The Neptune would know what crime he’s committing.

Jensen squeezed Jared’s wrist tight, both of his legs were clamping Jared’s tail. Jared should have resisted and struggled, because he wanted to resist and struggle. But the more he resist, the more obvious he felt about what he’s doing. He was fighting, he was giving. He was giving all to Jensen.

Jared tilted his head to one side, his teeth clenched on each other, and both of his hands were turning to fist. If he could have heard what his neck had been saying, he thought would have been laughing at him. “You spineless, you think you can fight back the pirate’s possession, huh? Nah, you’re giving me to his mouth. And you like it, don’t you? You are also interested in being bitten, sucked, punished by his mouth for being disrespect, aren’t you? Don’t fool yourself, Padalecki. You can try to make your brain become an idiot, but not to me, Padalecki. Because I am enjoying his mouth as much as you are”.

“This is mine”, Jared thought Jensen said so. But who was he that knew what Jensen was saying? Because he was so busy to scolding his own brain. His mind was not sane anymore, Jared guessed. He had used to the one who had made people serve him. And right now, right here, he watched himself serving somebody else. He had used to be the one who had took people soul. And right now, right here, he impotently watched his soul was being taken by somebody else. What’s the worst of all? It was that he completely wanted it. It was that he was totally uncontrolled by any magic. It was that he perfectly hoped Jensen would be the one who took everything from him. Oh Nixie, please forgive for Jared’s loss.

Jared startled, he felt his body was getting hot immediately when Jensen started licking his nipple. “This is also mine”. Jared held his breath when some kind of hot air from Jensen’s mouth hit hard against his chest. Perhaps it’s Jensen’s breath that gave Jared’s body a damn fever. Because the next thing that he’s aware of was not only his body’s heat getting increasing, but also the dizziness slowly invading his sight of view. Everything was so blur, all he could felt was Jensen’s tongue on his chest.

Jensen moved his tongue around Jared’s nipple as if he wanted to learn about the object that he was going to use. Jared didn’t look, but he knew that Jensen was smirking. And then the first suck came. Jared bounced his hips with the catalyst that Jensen was pouring on his body. He had never felt this before and he had never tried this before. He neither had ever known that how much he wanted this until Jensen started sucking him continuously.

The sound Jensen made caused Jared’s face red. “Hmmm…” It’s that simple. But Jared somehow felt like Jensen was enjoying some kind of wonderful food. And then he realized that he was that food Jensen’s enjoying. He suddenly wanted to make Jensen proud, wanted to become the best damn thing that Jensen had ever tasted. He wanted Jensen to let his wrist go, wanted Jensen to know that he would not run anywhere. It’s because right now, he wanted to do this with Jensen. It’s because he wanted Jensen to punish him for disobeying. It’s because, damn it, because his neck was right.

Jared held the sheets painfully, because there’s no where else he could hold except that. He felt like his body was burning, like his sperm in his body was leaking. Jensen was not only sucking his tit as if a baby was sucking his mother’s milk, he was also twisting and pulling the other tit of Jared. “Oh my Nixie!” Jared bit his lips to hold back a moan. Jensen stopped he looked up and faced to face with Jared.

 Jensen sat on Jared, his knees hit the mattress. There’s a small space between Jensen’s crotch and Jared’s tail. Hands were still squeezing Jared’s wrists hard, Jensen smirked, “You like it, don’t you?”

Jared shook his head, avoided the sailor’s dark-as-hell eyes. Jensen gently put Jared’s left wrist in his left palm. Jensen’s right hand softly stroked Jared’s cheek then suddenly grabbed the boy’s chin. Jensen turned Jared’s face to his, forced the merman to look at him in the eyes. “Don’t you?” Jensen’s voice stopped Jared’s breath. He didn’t know what to do now. Jared tried to speak, but no sound came out. He didn’t have enough strength to do it right now.

Jensen still looked at Jared with his cold-as-ice, but hot-as-fire eyes. Was it the image of Hell? Jared heard that the road leading to Hell was really dark and cold. All the sound that a soul could hear on the way to Hell was its own breath. On the entire road, there’s no torch that was lighted up, no sign of life existed. The only thing lived on the way to Hell was ice above the soul’s head. The dropped each droplets which was cold chill and frosty on the head of the sinner. And then the light slowly showed up. That light seduced the soul to come to it. It was warm and tender, it was bright and beautiful. It was like a soul’s survivor at the moment. And then when the soul ran to it, everything was too late. It’s the Hell’s Fire. That’s what a soul got burned by. That’s what punished the lost sinner. Jared wondered himself if Jensen was his Hell.

The sailor didn’t change his expression. His lips were still red and his eyes were a death trap. “Yes”, Jensen leaned closer to Jared’s face. “Or”, Jared felt his heart ached, Jensen’s lips were in front of him, teased him, dared him to kiss. “No?” Jensen licked Jared’s lips and he felt like his tiny little hole under his scale was tighter.

“Yes!” Jared screamed. He didn’t want to low his voice anymore, because he wasn’t afraid of any punishment from any God anymore. Maybe every punishment was worth it. Jared’s wrists got out of Jensen’s palm. He jumped on the man’s paralyzed body. “Yes”, his arms were around Jensen’s neck. “Yes”, he sat on Jensen’s thighs. “Yes”, his tail was around Jensen’s waist. “Yes”, he pulled Jensen against his body. “Yes”, he kissed Jensen’s neck. “Yes”, he squeezed Jensen’s body hard. “Yes”, he crinkled Jensen’s thin shirt. “Yes”, he cried on Jensen’s shoulder.

Jensen’s hands started shaking. He could feel his heart ached so much. He hadn’t meant to go this far. He had only wanted to torture Jared a bit. He had hoped Jared to struggle, to fight back, to refuse. But no, he was sitting here with a merman hugging him. The merman was crying on his shoulder, the merman was expecting to give it all to him. Did he want this? Dear God, he wanted this more than anything. He wanted to press Jared on bed, to possessed Jared’s body and heart as well. He wanted Jared to beg him to go faster, harder, deeper. He wanted Jared’s vocabulary had nothing else but “Jensen”. He wanted Jared to be completely his. He wanted to hug Jared afterwards, to whisper sweet nothing into Jared’s ears. He wanted Jared to listen to the three magic words that everything wanted to hear from Jensen’s lips. He wished he could have been strong enough.

_“Love is the chains that tie you up. Whoever you fall in love with will die. And whoever you protect will get died under your arms. You, it’s you the monster!”_

Jensen gave Jared’s trembling body a hug. The heat from Jared’s skin touched Jensen’s skin. The man thought he might get a fever at the moment. He buried his face in Jared’s brown hair, took a deep breath before sighed out, “Jared, I… I can’t”.

The sobbing sound on Jensen’s shoulder stopped. Jared separated his body from Jensen’s far enough to look at Jensen. Tears wetting the young merman’s beautiful face hurt Jensen a little. He hadn’t meant to make Jared cry. Yes, he was drunk, but he’s sober enough to know that a man who made the person he loved, no, the person he cared about cry was a little piece of shit.

Jensen gently wiped those tears on Jared’s face and smiled at him, “I apologize, Jared. I didn’t mean to hurt you”.

Jensen was surprised when Jared held his hand, “You didn’t hurt me”.

Jensen felt his strength in him was waving good-bye to him. He’s so weak. He was struggling with his mind about whether he should kiss Jared, or cry, or thank Jared, or give Jared what he wanted. But after all, he knew the result was not good at all if he did that.

Jared hugged Jensen and he whispered, “I know the terrible thing you have been through”.

Jensen shook his head. He didn’t get it. “What thing?”

“The curse. You aren’t allowed to love anyone. But please, please don’t ask me not to love you”.

Jensen’s heart stopped beating, the fever returned. The young guy’s head started to spinning around with those words Jared just spoke. Loved him? Jared loved him? How come?

Jensen lightly pushed Jared’s body away from him. The man made Jared sit on the bed and he sighed. “You don’t get what love is. Love is the chains that tie you up. Love is the thing that ruins your life. Have you not realized how you were when the man you loved disappeared from your life? You become a soulless, you become what you hate. Love is a monster. It is sweet at first, but cruel at last. When it passes by your life, there’s nothing left in you but tears and pain. It creates a big hole in your heart which will never be able to be healed.”

Jensen closed his eyes. His eyelids were trying to hide the pain in his eyes while his eyelashes were showing how much tears of his. Jensen missed Jeffrey. Jensen remembered the first time he had felt the fever in his heart. Jensen remembered how crazy his heart had beaten when Jeff had smiled at him. 18 years old and had never loved a thing, but the man he had love was 12 years older than him. He had known the feeling he had gotten was wrong, but he hadn’t cared much. When he had seen a fairy tale, he would have chased it. And when he had watched the fairy tale had been gone in front of him, his heart had broken into millions pieces. No, Jensen didn’t want that to happen again. Losing Jeff was enough. Jensen couldn’t stand losing Jared, too. There’s no way he could get over that pain once more.

Jared tenderly touched Jensen’s face with his hand and when Jensen opened his eyes, he could see Jared was smiling at him. Jared’s dimples were showing full display and they’re more beautiful than any painting. Jared’s smile was sweeter and more suave than any kind of sugar. His eyes were warmer and brighter than any stars. Jensen stayed silent. He relaxed and let his body feel Jared’s warmth.

“I don’t need you to love me if that’s not what you want. Because my love for you is enough to heal both of our hearts”, Jared quietly gave Jensen’s cheek a kiss. It made Jensen feel like he wanted to cry, to shout, to beg Jared to stop make things complicated, to entreat Jared not to stop the love he gave for Jensen.

“You’re not my toy, Jared. I can’t use you when I need while I can’t say that I…”

“Shh”, Jared put a finger on Jensen’s lips, “I’m not your toy. I’m just a fool who is chasing his fairy tales. And you’re that fairy tales”, the merman smiled.

“Jared…” Jensen sighed.

“Jensen, we’re gonna find a way. I will do everything I can for you to be happy. I will do everything I can for both of us to be happy. I promise you”.

“I… I don’t know what to say”, Jensen’s voice broke. He wanted to run to his mother. He wanted to tell her how he met the most wonderful person on Earth. He wanted his mother to know that all the poets on every land couldn’t describe how beautiful that one was. He wanted his mother to know how much his heart ached whenever that one smiled at him. He wanted his mother to know how much crazy he was whenever he heard that one’s name. He wanted his mother to know how much fever he got whenever that one touched him. He wanted his mother to know how his soul was taken away from him by that one.

“Don’t say a thing”, Jared kissed on Jensen’s forehead and the guy nodded. The merman guided Jensen and gently pushed the man on the mattress. Jensen didn’t know why but he totally did what Jared said. Maybe his magic resistance was getting weak. He didn’t know but he knew that he wanted this.

The fever began.

Jared sat on Jensen’s body. His hands held Jensen’s arms and guided them to his back. Jensen glided his hands up and down Jared’s backbone. His eyes didn’t get off of the pretty face of the one that he cared about. Jared slid his hand under Jensen’s shirt and rubbed the man’s chest. Jensen’s mouth turned to an “O” and he breathed gently, regularly until Jared clamped his nipple and pulled it out so hard. Jensen hissed and gasped. Jensen noticed how Jared relived as if the younger was worried that he would mess things up. Jensen gently squeezed Jared’s shoulder on the behalf of an encouragement and Jared did feel really much better.

Jared helped Jensen take off his shirt and stared doing what Jensen had just done to the merman’s tits. Jared was not good at this, but he hoped he wouldn’t disappoint Jensen. Jared kissed the man’s chest and began playing with Jensen’s nipples. He licked, then kissed, then licked again. Jensen wanted to curse. It’d been so long since he had done this with somebody. He had forgotten what kind of feeling it could give him. He had forgotten every time he got licked, he would quiver and his ears would get redder. Jensen expected Jared to not notice this.

But maybe it was too late. He knew Jared had already known and that’s why the merman was licking both nipples of him. Jensen swallowed hard, breathed fast. His hand held Jared’s hair. Jared’s tongue kept on turning around Jensen’s tits. He licked vertically then horizontally, and then sucked hard and fast like Jensen would release his milk to feed Jared’s empty stomach if the sucker did it hard enough.

Jared stopped when both of Jensen’s nipples got red as an apple, wet as water and hard as stone. He found himself proud of the result. At least, he tried hard in his first try. Jensen’s ears were too red to be true and that caused Jared more interested. He left Jensen’s tits and gently licked Jensen’s ears. “Not over yet”, said the merman.

Jensen turned his gaze to Jared with full of lust. He kissed Jared neck even though he wished he could kiss Jared’s whore lips. The kiss was not gentle, but full of possessive and hungry. Jensen held Jared’s hair and pulled it to let Jared have more chance to show his neck’s skin. Jared moaned with pleasure. Jared’s moan was erotic enough to embarrass a prostitute. And Jensen couldn’t hide his full of proud smirk when he’s the one who turn Jared on that much.

Jensen let go of Jared’s hair. “Show me what else you got”, demanded the man. Jared panted before nodding. The younger set his hand on Jensen’s crotch and gently rubbed it while biting Jensen’s ear. The chemical reaction rapidly effect on the body of the young captain. Jensen bit his lips, hands held the sheets, eyes closed.

Hands were still touching Jensen’s crotch, Jared kissed on Jensen’s neck and made his way to the man’s throat. He bit Jensen’s Adam apple softly, obviously felt how continuously Jensen swallowed when the apple was unstoppably up and down in his mouth.  Jared kissed the chest, didn’t forget to lick Jensen’s nipples one more time just to watch how much Jensen hissed. He kissed down the man’s stomach and stopped at the belly button. He put his tongue in and Jensen felt like he’s going to be insane. “Jesus!”

Jared smirked, “It’s Jared”.

“Teaser asshole”, Jensen panted.

Jared turned his tongue around once more before replying, “Yes, I am”.

Jared kissed Jensen’s waist and slowly down his crotch. Jensen held Jared’s hair again and gasped, “Don’t. You don’t want to…”

Jared held Jensen’s hand, “Yes, I do want”.

And Jensen let go of Jared’s hair before pushing his hips up when Jared licked the clothing covering Jensen’s cock. Jensen didn’t know what to think beside the fever in him which was getting on top. Out side, Jared’s saliva wet his pants. In side, his pre-come didn’t make his pants dry.

Jared licked his lips while taking Jensen’s belt off. He didn’t know what he’s waiting for. He knew what he must do, but it’s just he had never seen the thing he would see.

And then it showed up. He didn’t get if this was the best thing he had ever been through. It didn’t matter what was he seeing, the matter here was that he could observe the part of Jensen which people weren’t allowed to. Those people who had never seen all of Jensen would never know how much beautiful Jensen was.

He looked up and saw Jensen’s gaze. The gaze of the man he fell for showed clearly how worried he was as if he’s being scared that Jared would not like what he’s seeing.

“It’s… It’s too big”, Jensen quietly said. “I understand if you don’t want it”.

Jared didn’t answer. He just surprised Jensen when his the head of hic cock was kissed by the merman.

“Jared?”

“I love it. I love everything from you”, Jared smiled at Jensen.

Jensen didn’t know he’s smiling. He neither knew if he should thank Jared for that. He only knew that he felt his mind was dancing like crazy when Jared swallowed all of his cock in just one gulp. Dear Lord, was Jared real?

Jared started moving his tongue around the giant lollipop in his mouth. The heat around it got increasing by the friction which Jared caused on it and also by the owner’s fever. Jared slightly popped his head up high enough to only the tip of Jensen’s dick touching his lips and immediately popped down violently. He didn’t care if he would die for choking. All he cared was the man who was praying God right by his side.

Jensen didn’t think that he’s the one who lost all vocabulary. Everything he knew was “Oh Jared. Oh God”. He didn’t know anything else but that. He couldn’t do anything but gasping. The fever started to torture him. He couldn’t stand anymore. His hands pulling Jared’s hair, tried his best find his words which was lost and then tried his best to turn them into actual sounds, not panting.

“I… uh… about to come… Jared… ah… Right there… Jared… Jesus… Move away…”

Jensen didn’t want Jared to got stuck with his sperm, but The Nixie knew how much stubborn Jared was. The merman tried his best to speed up, he moved his tongue faster, sucked harder, swallow more.

“Jared… Please… Ah… AHHH!!”

And that’s how Jensen pushed the rest of his body into Jared’s mouth.

Jared raised his head and swallowed as much milk of the sailor as possible in Jensen’s amaze. No one had ever done this for Jensen. Even those prostitutes that Jensen had to pay to please him couldn’t please Jensen as much as Jared.

The fever ended.

Jensen held Jared’s hand and pulled him against his chest. His hand slid on Jared’s skin and his eyes watched the face which was full of Jensen’s sperms on. Jensen stroked Jared’s hair and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you, Jared”. He didn’t know why he said such thing. But he thought he owned Jared. Those feelings, understanding, heartiness, warmth, fever that Jared offered to Jensen deserved more than just a thank-you.

Jared leaned in Jensen and answered tenderly, “You’re welcome, Jensen”.

That’s the first good night in their lives. And if they had about some wet dreams with fevers, nobody would know but them.


	10. The Words In The Heart

One of those things making people feel absolutely horrible is waking up alone on the empty bed where two in heat bodies were making love to each other the night before.

Jared sleepily reached his hand to the other side of the bed and felt the coldness hit him. The coldness ran from his hand and aimed straight to his heart. It bit some nerves of Jared pretty hard that he had to gnash his teeth. It forced Jared to open his eyes to look for someone.

Jared sighed. Everything out there was so joyful. Birds were still singing, flowers were still growing, and the kids were still laughing. But sometimes, the happier the scenes were, the sadder someone was. Jared suddenly realized that he shouldn’t have put too much hope on something. Obviously, the more he hoped, the more disappointed he was. He blamed himself for being too stupid. Jared silently sat at the corner of the bed and wished he could stop the pain in his heart.

Jared suddenly wondered if he’s wrong again. Was he wrong when he gave his heart to Jensen too soon? Was it a mistake when Jared thought that Jensen had the same feelings he had for the man? Was he too dumb that he actually belived that when he woke up in the morning, Jensen would be hugging him in his arms, gently kiss Jared’s hair the way his ex had used to do?

Ex? Since when had the one been his ex? Oh Nixie! Jared had almost forgotten about him when he’s with Jensen. He was falling too deep for that stranger human that he really forgot that he’s supposed to be faithful for his lover. Why could he let this happen? Why could he let himself fall for a human just to be nothing but someone’s toy?

 He knew what lovers normally did. And he’s pretty sure leaving a lover on bed alone was not what lovers usually did to each other. Unless, there was no love. Unless, he’s just some strange kind of flowers that nobody had never tasted before. And when they finally got him, then why should they respect him anymore? After all, every flowers were the same. When they were no longer beautiful and fragrant, it meant they’re out of age, meant they no longer had any value. Just it.

Jared eyed to the sky outside the window. It was so blue, as blue as the ocean. Ocean… The Winchester Sea… He missed it. He missed the scenes of himself swimming along with the waves. He missed the feeling of being hugged by the ocean. He missed his grey rock. He missed the feeling of his skin being burned by the sunlight. He missed the red coral reefs where he had used to lay his head down everynight waiting for the Sun to come up the day after. He missed Stephen, the dumb dude who never uynderstood what Jared wanted but always care about him in an adorable way. He missed being a merman. He missed being himself.

He missed Jared Padalecki.

~~~o~~~

Jensen woke up the same time with the Sun. He markedly felt the headache from those alcol bottles the night before eating his skull. Ty had always assumed that Jensen was an impulsive young dude and if the guy was honest to himself, he knew that Ty had always been right. Jensen usually acted by his emotions without thinking about the consequences. Normally, he would be super proud of himself for how leisure he was, for doing what he liked, but right now, he super regretted for everything happened the night before due to his messy nature.

He moved his body and felt a beautiful hand with long slim fingers on his chest. He took a look at the owner of the hand. In front of his eyes, there was a masterpiece of Mother Nature. Jared was tendernessly, peacefully lying by his side like a beautiful small boy. Jensen lifted the hair covering the boy’s face and gently slipped his hand through the boy’s hair. It’s so soft and it smelled so good as if it was an ocean flower. It made he feel that there’s an undiscribable happiness in his heart.

He swore that he extremely desire to kiss Jared’s sweet pink lips, but he couldn’t. The man knew that he’s an extremely reckless kind of guy, but he didn’t want to pay the price for acting like a fool. Especially, if that price was someone making his heart stop. He had thought that teasing Jared on the first night they had met had been just a joke. But turned out, it was something serious.

If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he’s afraid. He’s afraid of the feeling he gave to Jared. He’s afraid of getting Jared in danger. He’s afraid that what he’d been feeling was it. He’s afraid of the thing binding him, of losing Jared. He’s afraid of being the one who would end Jared’s life. He’s afraid of being that monster over again.

Jensen painfully smiled, then sighed. He took Jared’s hand. The warmth from the boy’s hand touched his heart as if that was something Jensen had always been looking for. Jensen put Jared’s hand off his chest and on the bed. The man already missed the warmth which Jared gave him. Jensen kissed lightly on Jared’s hair then left the bed.

He put on his clothes and decided to sail. He knew that right now, he’s not different from a bad guy when sleeping with a guy then leaving him alone. But he gotta do this. He had to be alone with the sea. He needed to hear the sea singing. He needed to hear what his heart wanted. He needed to know what he wanted. And more important, he needed to know what he needed.

~~~o~~~

“Jared?” Colin’s voice brought him back to reality where he’s just a merman who couldn’t be free in the ocean. He got upset. Sometimes, the price that people had to pay for the love was their own freedom.

“Colin?” Jared turned to the kid. He realized that the boy looked pretty like him. His eyes, his lips, his smile, his hair,… Colin was almost the mini duplicate having legs of Jared. And it made the merman envious with the kid. He wanted those legs. He wanted to walk by himself, to run around in the garden, to wander around the city with Jensen. He hated the feeling of being trapped in this room. Especially was when everything, every corner of the room reminded him about Jensen’s existence, of the human who would never love him.

“Brock made you a breakfast. He didn’t dare to walk into Jensen’s room so he asked me to give it to you”. Colin was holding a food fray which had a plate of omelet, some loaves and a cup of tea. They smelled so good that Jared’s stomach started playing drums.

“Thank you. Please tell Brock that I thank him”, gently said Jared.

Colin nodded then put the breakfast down on Jared’s bed. The merman appreciated Brock, but in some second, he wished that was Jensen cooking him the breakfast. He missed those dinners on the ship with Jensen where Jensen had always prepared those beautiful sparkling candles with all of Jared’s favorite seafood. He missed Jensen’s eyes whenever the man watched him eating. They had been full of expecting and proud. They’d been as green as those precious gem and they had always been too attractive to be true. He missed them. He missed how much Jensen had cared about him.

Was it true that he lost his mind? Jensen had just been here last night in his arms. Then why did he feel so far away? Why did he feel like he’d been able to meet Jensen for a whole century? As if Jensen had just left him. As if they would never meet again.

Hold on for a second. What was that supposed to mean? Why did he have this feeling? Why now? He had felt this before. He had felt that on the day his love had been gone. He had thought that it had been just a strange feeling. But it’s not. He had actually been taken away from Jared’s life. And today, the feeling came back.

Jared gasped for air. He could clearly feel his heart got tighten. The dizzy quickly came and everything suddenly went dark before his eyes. Buzzing in his ears suddenly went higher and all the sounds around him drove him crazy. His lips and hands were trembling and as cold as ice. His face turned white as gypsum.

“Jared! Are you alright?” worriedly asked Colin. The kid checked Jared’s forehead.

“Colin! Jensen, where is he?” Jared grabbed Colin’s shirt as if he’s about to fall.

“He had been sailing since the dawn.” Colin answered with his eyebrows knitting.

“Dammit! You gotta get me to the sea! By all means!” Jared screamed like an insane. Tears were all over the merman’s eyes. “Please. You have to take me to the sea. Or else there’s some terrible things will happen to Jensen! I’m begging you!”

Jared cried out. The images of his lover slowly popped up. And then, everything went dark.

~~~o~~~

Jensen turned the ship to the first place he heard Jared singing. The morning wind blew strongly at his sail and sunlight dropping on the sea surface created bright gold spots. Jensen anchored then he sat on the rock which Jared had used to sit. The man was holding a bottle of cold beer and eyes were aiming at his city. From there, he could see those tiny docking ships. He leaned forward, tried his best but failed to find his house.

After awhile, he started lying down and closing his eyes. The man could hear himself breathing, the waves lapping, and the wind blowing. He felt the chillness brought by the ocean, the dancing sunlight brought by the morning on his skin. Right there, he felt strangely peaceful. He didn’t sense the chaos from his city, hear the noise from humans. Right there, he only knew he, himself and the sea.

Jensen took a deep breath. The sea scent burst into the nostrils of the man, reminded him about the good old days, of his Mother’s hair. He smiled lightly and took a sip of beer. Out of nowhere, he wanted to sing.

Jensen lied still on the rock, legs crossed, feet together rhythm. And then he sang: 

 _“You look so beautiful today_  
_When you’re sitting there it’s hard for me to look away_  
_So I try to find the words that i could say_  
_I know distance doesn’t matter but you feel so far away_  
_And I can’t lie_  
_Every time I leave my heart turns gray_  
_And I wanna come back home to see your face tonight_  
_Cause I just can’t take it”_

 Jensen’s voice was so deep and sweet. It’s like the pure mist in the morning. It mixed up with the wind and turned into a lovely confession of a teenager boy. It was brought far, far away and then lightly touched somebody who was in love. And then they would smile for how mellow and melodious some sailor’s singing was.

 He chuckled when he heard the waves were singing back to him. It’s so strange that he felt this was the place he should belong to. It’s so strange that he suddenly wanted to start a life here, left everything behind. It’s so strange that he wanted to take someone’s hand and pulled them lay down with him. It’s strange that he wanted to hold that one in his arms and deeply kissed that person’s lips. It’s strange when he wanted to be someone else, someone who would never bother about anything in this life.

“Thinking about something?” A voice spoke up that caused Jensen open his eyes. Jensen covered his eyes with his hand to avoid the sunlight then sat up to get a better look.

That was a merman with short brown hair and blue fishtail. It looked like the merman just lost something very important, but he still managed to give a friendly smile.

Jensen frowned. He didn’t know if he should answer the question. He had never met a single merman showing up in the daylight. He had neither seen any merman that was not afraid of humans. Yes, they ate humans’ soul, but they normally sang to decoy humans, not came when a human sang.

“You don’t believe me. I understand. I don’t usually appear here. I neither appear in the daylight. I know that you know about mermen, so I think there’s nothing for me to hide”, he moved his tail and swam to the rock.

Jensen stayed silent, observed the merman. The more he looked, the more obvious the loss in the merman’s eyes was. The friendly smile faded away to make room for the painful smile of someone who had just been through some terrible event in his life.

“I used to come here every night”, the merman sat by Jensen, “admired a singing of a merman. When he sang, the whole world just stopped and every sound nearly didn’t exist. Everything had to made way for his voice. He’s the most beautiful and sweetest merman that I’ve ever known”, said the merman.

Jensen didn’t reply. He didn’t think asking some question or comforting could actually be helpful in this case. He let the merman continue.

“I just thought that everything would keep that way forever, you know? That I would forever watch him every single night and that he would keep shining along with the beautiful stars on the night sky.” He smiled faintly.

“And then one night like any other night, the world just stopped spinning, but this time, it’s not about the singing”, the merman sighed, “it’s a kiss. I was still there, and he was still here. But he’s no longer singing. He’s kissing. His lips were on someone’s lips. I wished it was just a dream, but sadly, it’s not”.

They both stayed silent and looked at the empty space in the middle of the blue ocean.

“And then one day, I watched him crying. He cried for the loss of that one. At first, I thought that meant I would have a chance with him. But no, he’s gone and took away his heart. Since that day, every time he sang, everything cried. It’s not sweet and innocent like the old days anymore. It’s just a dark song of a dark life. And every single night, I came here just to watch him grievous and did nothing about it.”

The wind took the waves hit the rock where they’re sitting. Everything suddenly stopped making noise.

“I tried my best, you know? I did everything I could to make him smile, but everything I got was a swimming ice. He’s like a dead fish. And I could do nothing to fix that. Then one night, he sat here, sang to decoy a ship and he met a human. A human was walking out from the forbidden story of my kind. I tried to prevent him, but then I quickly realized his eyes. His eyes turned from grey to green and then blue. His eyes turned into the ocean’s color. He came back to life. And the one night, I heard him laughing. You know what? I was hurt because I couldn’t be the one making him laugh. And then I just understood that I loved his laughter too much to care about whoever made him laugh, whoever he laughed with. I felt happiness and peace.”

Jensen turned his eyes to the merman. He could see that the merman was trying his best not to cry. The merman’s eyes got warmer and his lips slowly stopped shaking.

The merman stroked his own hair and looked up the sky. “Today is a good day!”

Then he jumped off the rock and into the ocean.

“Hope I’ll never see you again!” said the merman.

“Wait up!” Jensen called out. “Why did you tell me all those words?”

The merman smiled. “Because it’s the words in my heart and I need to start living honestly with myself. I need someone to tell what I have been keeping in me since forever and I think you should do that too, Jensen.”

Jensen startled, he stood up. “Who are you? How do you know my name?”

“I’ve observed enough to know who you are. And I think you are fool, Jensen, you can still lie to yourself by telling that you don’t love anybody. But oh my Nixie, your eyes whenever you see him look like you just got an early birthday present, you know?”

“What are you talking about?” frowned Jensen.

“I’m talking about I don’t want you to hurt the one I love. I’m talking about not let you hurt Jared”.

“You—”

“I was commanded to kill you when I see you. But I won’t let Jared get hurt for any time again. So just get outta here, Jensen. Get to the place where your heart belongs to. Come to Jared. And take care of my love”.

Just it, the merman swam away. He didn’t forget to said back: “I’m Amell, by the way. Forget about me!”

The short strange meeting made Jensen think about so much before he got on his ship and went back home.

~~~o~~~

“You fucking asshole! Where have you been?!!”

That’s the first thing Jensen heard when he walked into his house. Jared kept on hitting the man’s chest and he just took them all in silent. He knew what’s going on. He knew Jared was worried about him and mad at him for leaving without a word.

“You’re a dick! I hate you! Go to Hell! You son of a bitch!”

Jensen just hugged Jared when the younger scolded him. He deserved these words.

After a moment, Jared loosened his fist and fell in Jensen’s arms. His eyes were wet and his lips were insanely trembling.

“Why did you leave?” he whispered.

“I’m sorry”, Jensen whispered back. There’s no perfect excuse for him, so he could only apologize. Jensen held Jared in his arms and stroked Jared’s back gently.

“Did you know that I-” Jared said with a hiccup and anger. But Jensen cut him.

“Hey, I know that I’m an asshole. I freaked you out. I’m truly sorry. There’s no excuse for me. But I want you to understand that there’s nothing to worry. I will never let you hurt ever again. I can be not as great as your ex, but I will never let anyone take me away from you. I promise. I’m a dick but unfortunately, I’m a clinging forever kind of guy.”

Jared burst out a laugh, looked up at Jensen. The sailor wiped the sweet boy’s tears. “Are you serious?” asked Jared.

“Of course”, Jensen grinned.

It’s hard to tell everything in his head, all the words in his heart, but Jensen thought that those said words were enough to make the one he cared about smile.


	11. The Heaven In The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven is something that had no concepts. We could only feel it when it’s inside our hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest you listen to "Simple Man" by Jensen Ackles to see how beautiful Jensen's voice in this chapter.

What is Heaven? Heaven is an abstract notion of an invisible place where only living beings after completing their lives can see. There are a lot of notions of Heaven. According to Greek mythology, Heaven is an eternal bliss place that is ruled by Zeus, the supreme God who dwells on top of Olympus. According to the Bible, Heaven is the higher realm, where God reigns with Angels around His feet, who are warriors serving God to observe, save all beings on Earth. In the end, Heaven is the ultimate destination that all creatures expect.

Was Jared dead? He wondered himself if he died. Because only by being dead, he could live in Heaven. Heavens of all were basically not the same, because the concepts of eternal bliss were not the same at all. But somehow, Jared could feel what Heaven was.

His Heaven had the shape of a man. His Heaven was so simple. His Heaven got dark blond hair. Sometimes, it looked like it turned to dark brown, but once again, got dyed to be blond again by the Sun. It was as soft as those waves rolling on the sea whenever there were winds blowing out to take ocean scent from all the sailing days to touch someone’s heart.

Jared reached out. He stroked the hair and suddenly, there was some kind of melody playing in his head. It was clear and cheerful sounds of a sunny day on the blue sea. But no matter how good those melodies were, they couldn’t be as beautiful as the sounds from his heart’s Heaven. His Heaven was emitting a steady sound like breathing. But how come it was so melodious? How come it was so sweet? They made an icy cold heart warmer. Perhaps Heaven owned some kind of powerful magic which made a trivial guy like him bow down in front of, to be touched by.

The merman wasn’t sure which sound was louder at the moment. The sounds of all beings in this world or the sound of his heart beat? Everything was suddenly out of the meanings when people stood in front of the most meaningful thing in their life. Every kind of sounds suddenly turned to mute when people gave their heart beat to something.

Jared could clearly hear his heart beating strongly, quickly when he accidentally watched his Heaven longer than his expectation. The Heaven’s splendor and charmer took all of his breath. Those full pink lips were as beautiful as an image of some fictional character that humans made up to describe “beauty”. The tanned skin with freckles of an adventurer through mountains and seas was something that humans took it as the scale of “adventurousness”. Those twisted, curl, thick eyelashes were the standard of “tenderness”. Under the thin shirt are those strong muscles which represented for “strength”. And behind all of this perfect appearance was the purest beauty that without it, Jared’s Heaven would never be completed. That was “love”.

“Watching a person sleeping is kinda creepy, don’t you think?” A warm low voice spoke up to get Jared startled. He awkwardly realized what he had been doing. Jared was about to take his hand back, but his hand got taken by another hand.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I… Hm… I was just… just checking if you’re… if you’re awaken or not”, Jared stuttered. 

“Oh, that’s it. I thought you were trying to touch me” Jensen laughed.

Some kind of hot wind blew on the merman’s face, turned it red. “You’re crazy!”

“Yeah. I am. Only crazy people can think that you’re watching someone like me. Who am I anyway? I’m just a sailor”, the man replied, his hand was rubbing his eyes.

Jared wanted to say something. He wanted to let the man know that it wasn’t true. Jensen was more than just “a sailor”. Jensen was the person who warmed up people’s hearts, sheltered a lot of people, gave them a home, and made them feel that this life was more meaningful than what people always thought. He wanted Jensen to understand that the guy was so important to lots of people around him. He wanted Jensen to get that to many, he was the only thing making their life sense. He wanted to tell Jensen that the man was even someone’s Heaven.

“You want to tell me something?” Jensen frowned at him.

“I… Hmmm…” he didn’t know where to start, “I want…” he hesitated.

“Is there something wrong?” Jensen’s voice was full of worry.

“No”, Jared quickly answered. “I just wanna ask if you want to have breakfast with me”, he bit his lips. Jared swore that he rolled his own eyes and shook his head at himself right when heard what his mouth said. He had never seen anyone that was as terrible at lying as him with the most stupid excuse ever.

It took Jensen awhile to think, but then he nodded and Jared relived. He sat up and said: “Wait here”.

With that, he disappeared.

Jared lied on his bed, eyes hadn’t take off Jensen since he left the room. He rolled to Jensen’s side and buried his face on the man’s pillow. It’s Heaven. It’s Jared’s own Heaven. The merman’s hand moved up and down the length of the mattress, felt Jensen’s sweat still on it. Out of no where, he felt pretty uncomfortable. There’s something wanted to get out of him and it was begging him to let it out.

Jared breathed out and then breathed his Heaven’s smell deeply in. Hid hand was holding Jensen’s pillow tight, the other slid on his own skin. He could sense that his scales were dry, but he could turn it wet while he’s taking shower. Jared put his index and middle finger together and gently rubbed the body’s part which was a hand away from his navel. The fish skin where those fingers touched suddenly ruffled up, the scales started to opening and Jared’s breath was getting hotter. He licked his own lips, took another deep breath before speeding up the friction between his fingers and his fish skin. The more he rasped, the more his scales opened.

It’s close. When those scales completely opened, he would come to the deepest part of his body. It’s the part where he had thought that he could never been able to touch again. But now he could feel that it was almost there.

The deeper Jared breathed, the more he gasped, the faster his hand was and the more his scales opened. Just it, he kept repeating that sequence. His eyes were closing tight and then he felt someone’s hand was on his body. Jared gasped for air. He turned around just to see that it was Jensen in front of him. His Jensen. The man was looking at him, his hand was on the merman’s shoulder, and two bodies were touching.

Jared almost lost his control. He didn’t know what to do that moment. The fact that Jensen caught him in action where he was losing control, desiring something dark like this was not good at all. He wished there was a hole under him. If it was true, he could just swim away through that hole immediately. Sadly, there was no hole. It’s just Jared and Jensen there.

"Jensen... I...", he stuttered. His face was as red as rose.

“Shh…” Jensen gently put a finder on Jared’s lips. The guy was smiling. That smile was full of mysterious and dark.

Jared swallowed hard and before he could even realized what was going on, he felt Jensen’s lips were on his chest. Jared got a hold on the sailor’s hair, he breathed but there was no breath when Jensen’s mouth was enjoying the merman’s tit. The guy moved his tongue around and sucked as if he was sucking a mother’s milk. His other hand was busy playing with Jared’s other nipple.

"Hmmm... Ah... Jensen... Your mouth.."

“Like it?” Jensen looked up. His dark green eyes were starring deep inside of Jared’s soul. “I can even make you like it more”, he smirked, “like when I…”, he put Jared’s other nipple in his mouth, caused Jared bite his lower lip, “start…”, he spoke, tongue slid on Jared’s chest, “getting…”, stopped at Jared’s belly and then put his tongue in Jared’s umbilical and began moving around, “down…”, he made another move and stopped one more time at Jared’s fish skin where the merman had been touching, put a gentle kiss on it, then licked around the area, “here”.

Jared pushed his hips up, tightened his hold on Jensen’s hair, quietly moaned: “Jensen… Oh my Nixie!” He could feel his own scales were loosening more than expecting. They started leaking some kind of liquid and opening more to welcome Jensen’s tongue. Jared’s most private part was showing more and more. He’s going to die. Jared thought so. Or maybe he had been already dead. Because his Heaven was right in front of him, no, was right in front of his fishtail. His Heaven was devouring him, swallowing him, enjoying him.

“Jensen… Jensen…” that was the only word Jared could thought of that moment. His deepest parts were being opened by a man’s tongue. How could he think about something else?

Jared felt the warmth transferring from Jensen’s mouth into his own body. “Into”, that was the literal meaning like the way Jensen was “into” Jared’s body. The green-fishtailed huffed when all the muscles on his body was tightened with all Jensen’s movements. Heaven? Is it this?

“Jared… Jared, hey…” Jensen quietly called.

Jared swallowed his saliva, tried his best to calm down. “Yeah?”

“Jared… Jared…”

He tried again to reply. “Jensen, yeah?”

“Jared! Jared!”

This time, Jensen’s voice was not sexy anymore. Actually, it was warm and low as always. He kept on calling Jared out. It made the merman so annoyed. He opened his eyes. That moment was when he realized what was going on.

“Hey, dude, I was just going for awhile. And you sleep again? Are you alright? I heard you whimpering. Are you hurt?”

Jensen frowned. He was about to check and Jared quickly said: “It’s okay. A bit tired”.

Jensen still doubted, but then he gave up and nodded. Jared felt like a rebirth. His skin was still too sensitive to be touched by Jensen. He was so afraid that he could lose control again if Jensen did it. Curse the wet dream!

Until now, Jared saw Jensen with a food tray on his hands. The merman tilted his head to one side thinking. Obviously, he wasn’t sure what was happening.

“Ugh… I have just gone to the kitchen to make some food for you. Hope you like”, Jensen put the tray on the bed.

Breakfast on bed? Was this what humans always dreamed of? If so, then Jared could understand why. Because what kind of fool who didn’t love the feeling where their lover prepared breakfast for them by themselves?

Jared smiled. His dimples were full display. Unconsciously, Jensen smiled too.

“What? I know I’m pretty”, Jared said with full of pride.

“Oh yeah, you are, right. And also goofy”, Jensen smirked with a shaking head.

“But you are cooking for a goofy. Then who is goofier?” Jared lolled.

“Well, still you”, Jensen raised one of his eyebrow and answered.

Jared threw a glance at Jensen when the man was smirking. But it’s okay. Jared didn’t mind. At least, if his Heaven did exist, he clearly understood that it always loved playing hard to get.

**~~~o~~~**

Those next days were the kind of time that Jared couldn’t tell if it was reality or it was just fantasy. Jensen was too good to be true. Sometimes, Jared had to slap himself to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming. Jensen didn’t sail anymore. The man always threw his eyes at some books. Sometimes, he drew something on the paper. He didn’t get out of the room much lately, but when he did, he only came back when the sunset. Jared guessed that maybe it was the coming harvest so Jensen was pretty busy, that’s why he must put the hero on the sea job aside.

Whenever Jensen’s free, he spent time with Jared. Most of the time, he spent it on doing nothing. It was just simply sitting at the window. He always babbled something about the stars on the sky, how they guided the way in the middle of the sea. Times like that, Jensen’s face was so bright as if there were stars smiling at him. But Jared didn’t understand much what Jensen said or notice how much the stars shined. Because he was busy watching his own star. And no, his star was not on the sky. His star was so close to him, but his hand couldn’t reach that far. Sometimes, Jared was pretty upset, but then he wasn’t that much bothered. Because he was a foolish man, a little fish trying to catch the star shining on the wide sea surface without realizing that there was no such thing.

“Jared?” Jensen quietly said. How beautiful his face was! It caused the stars so much jealous and envious. Jared wondered himself if those dots on Jensen’s face was used to guide the direction for someone who was lost on the middle of the dark night like the way those stars did to help the lost sailors out there. What if they were used to show the way, but the brought people to berth at some wonderland, to cross all the mediocre places of humanity? What if they were showing the way for a young merman to go through all the confusions to anchor at his own Heaven? Jared didn’t know. And no one was there to let him know.

"Jared?" Jensen spoke up again. This time, his voice was gentler and more thoughtful.

Jared went back to reality from his own fantasy. “Yes?”

“I have something for you. I hope you’ll like it”, Jensen said very softly, as softly as the singing wind outside.

Jared frowned, looked at Jensen with his head tilting a side. “What’s that?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Y-Yes”

As if he had been expecting before, Jensen’s smile was widen. He hurried to the closet and pulled out a thin shirt and a white blanket. While Jared was still having no idea what’s happening, Jensen had already put the shirt on the merman’s body.

“Climb up my back!” Jensen was turning his back at Jared, but Jared still could feel how much excited Jensen was through the young man’s voice.

Although he still couldn’t figure out anything, Jared still wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck and reached up to get a hold on Jensen. He put his tail around Jensen’s hips and hugged him tight. His chest presses against Jensen’s back. He’s sure he could feel Jensen’s heart beat that moment.

 "Jensen?"

The man smiled and covered Jared’s tail with the white blanket.

“Ready?” asked Jensen.

“Y-yeah?” Jared wasn’t sure about his answer, though.

And then, Jensen moved his arms to his back to hold Jared’s body and piggybacked him. Jensen stepped one by one strongly and definitively. Jared could feel that his heart beat was mixing with Jensen’s footstep. He shyly pressed his face against Jensen’s shoulder and the man replied him by the most beautiful smile ever. His smile was as beautiful as a dark night sea. “You will like it, little merman”.

Little merman. Jared loved this name. He didn’t even know why he liked it. He had always been considered as an immature, a disobedient, selfish, stubborn merman all his life. He had always hated the phrase “little merman” which was used to allude how weak and foolish he was. But how come everything was so different now. It would be all okay if that was said by Jensen. It would turn to the sweetest love song that touched everyone’s heart. Jared’s arms tightened. No. He didn’t want Jensen’s words touch all the hearts. He only wanted them to touch Jared’s. It’s because after all he had always been selfish, stubborn and immature. It’s because he only wanted Jensen’s words for himself. Just himself.

They both approached the Morgan mansion’s backyard and Jensen gently put Jared down the stone chair which neared a round stone table and another stone chair. He unknotted the blanket used to cover Jared’s tail. The man turned to look at Jared with the brightest smile that anyone could ever see.

“Close your eyes! Do not sneak peek!”

And Jared did as he was told. Seconds later, Jared felt Jensen’s arms around his body, lifting him up the chair.

“Jensen? What’s going on?” He asked with his eyes were still closing.

“Shh… You only get to open your eyes when I say”. Jensen said and Jared could sense that the man was carrying him and they were both moving to some direction.

Jared once again wrapped his arms around Jensen’s neck. “Alright, but…”

“Open your eyes”, Jensen interrupted.

And Jared did. Right at that minute, no, that second he opened his eyes, he told himself that it was just a dream. This couldn’t be happening, couldn’t be the truth.

“Jensen?” Jared turned to look at the young sailor. He saw the man’s sweet smile.

“I tried. You know. I’m not good at building, but I can draw and I tried my best to sketch all I imagined in my head. I asked for some friends’ favors. You know? Brock and Ty and some other else helped. I don’t know if it’s enough for you or not, but I guess you would like it. I don’t know. I just feel so. And I…”

Jared cut Jensen’s words by a tight hug. He buried his face on Jensen’s neck, a small tear rolled from his hazel eyes.

“Thank you, Jensen. I’m really happy. Thank you”

Jensen tenderly stroked Jared’s hair. “You’re welcome, Jared. You’re welcome”

They both were like that for a long moment till Jared turned his eyes on the gift that Jensen made for him. It was a big lake. It’s obviously not as big as the ocean that Jared had used to be but it got the aura, because the water in the lake was from the Winchester Sea. The lake was embraced by big grey stones. Around the lake, there were a lot of strong beautiful green weeds which were protecting this small lake. In the center of the lake, there was a big grey stone which looked exactly like the one Jared had used to lay his back on to watch sunshine.

The happiness was striking in his heart and it clearly showed up on his face. Jared looked like he was turning back to the age when he just resurfaced. He was as happy as a child who discovered his first little important things in this world.

Jared turned back at Jensen: “May I…?”

Jensen nodded: “Of course. It’s all yours”

The man took Jared to the lake and immediately, the merman jumped in. Jared was overwhelmed by the lake’s depth. It was not the lake for a child. It was designed for someone who loved swimming like he did. Jared swam to the floor of the lake and he felt the heat in his nose. They’re red corals. That’s all red corals and they’re all here, on the floor of the lake. Jared touched them and his heart stopped for a beat because they’re exactly his corals. This was impossible.

Jared resurfaced. He saw Jensen sitting on the edge of the lake, singing something, but he ignored it and focused only on what’s in front of him.

“Jensen!” he called from the center of the lake.

The man turned his head around and looked at him. “What?!”

Jared swam as fast as possible to Jensen. He frowned: “Red corals. How can you have it?”

“I bought”, Jensen said shortly.

“Impossible. They’re all my corals. I can feel them. Don’t lie to me” Jared determined.

“I don’t. I really bought them”, Jensen raised his eyebrows.

“No way”, Jared shook his head.

“What?” Jensen smiled confusedly. “You think I can jump to the sea’s floor to get them for you? I am a hybrid, yes, but it doesn’t mean I am a merman. Besides, I still have the curse. I can’t swim that deep”

“But it’s no way you could buy them if…”

“Yes way. I bought them from Speight. He’s the diver here. And I asked him to collect red corals from your house. In exchange, he would get paid with the amount of money which was so big that he wouldn’t need to dive anywhere around the next 6 months” Jensen calmly answered.

"Jensen... You don’t know my house…”

“Yes. I don’t. But like I said, I know drawing. You know, every time I ask about your house, you always tell me some different details. However, they always have the same background. I sketched them and finally, gave it to Speight. I have read a lot of books about corals to be able to know with all of those details you described, how deep it can be, which position is the most suitable. You know, I’m not only handsome”, Jensen winked.

Jared opened his mouth but there was no sound came out. All of his breath was taken by Jensen while he was babbling about how smart he was. Jared couldn’t believe in his eyes that this was the human that he had always hated. Perhaps the Nixie was playing trick on him. There’s no way He could give this perfect man for him. Perhaps Jensen was the lovechild of Apollo and Poseidon. Because Jensen got the strong lines from the God of the Sea, but still maintained the pure beauty from the light of Apollo.

Jensen’s voice brought Jared back to present. “You don’t like them?”

Jared startled. He shook his head continuously. “Yes, I do love them”, answered he.

“Good”, Jensen smiled with full of proud.

Jared stayed quiet for a moment to admire the beauty of the man sitting before his eyes. Finally, he spoke: “Jensen?”

“Yea?”

“Don’t you mind singing for me?” asked Jared.

“Sing? Why would you want me to sing?” Jensen starred at him.

“Just suddenly want”, the merman replied softly.

"Hmm... Okay", said Jensen.

Jared smiled, put his arms on the edge where Jensen was sitting. He used them to lay his head on and he’s waiting.

Jensen licked his lips, took a deep breath and looked up the sky full of stars as if he was looking for someone very important to him. And then he sang.

 _Mama told me when I was young_  
_"Come sit beside me, my only son_  
_And listen closely to what I say_  
_And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day"_

 _"Oh, take your time, don't live too fast_  
_Troubles will come and they will pass_  
_You'll find a woman and you'll find love_  
_And don't forget, son, there is someone up above"_

 _"And be a simple kind of man_  
_Oh, be something you love and understand_  
_Baby be a simple kind of man_  
_Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can"_

Jensen’s voice was like a warm flow drifting right into a heart belonging to a lost man. It made people feel moody, but still, made them smile. It made people’s heart ached, but still, made them feel blissful. Jensen’s voice was full of happiness and sadness. It’s like some kind of honey which was sweet and piquant at the same time. It was clearly not alcohol, but made people drunk.

Jared looked up at Jensen and then put a hand on Jensen’s. He started:

 _"Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself_  
_Follow your heart and nothing else_  
_And you can do this, oh baby, if you try_  
_All that I want for you, my love, is to be satisfied"_

 _"And be a simple kind of man_  
_Oh, be something you love and understand_  
_Baby be a simple kind of man_  
_Oh, won't you do this for me, love, if you can"_

Jared finished by a smile. It’d been awhile since Jared poured hope in his song. This was the first time in a long time, he could really hope about something. The man in front of he, the man who was sacrificed his life for him, gave him a home, did everything for him, a stupid merman, to make him feel reassured, was the man who had shared his glimmer of hope to stop him from turning off his last light of his life. And Jared was ready to share his own hope with that man like a way to say thank, like a way to show sympathy, like a way to prove for a closet love.

Jensen silently looked at Jared for awhile. They both stayed silent. Everything was silent. The only sound existing was their breath and heartbeat. And then Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand which was on his. The warmth of the captain’s hand touched the merman’s cold hand. That warmth ran straight to the young merman’s heart, embraced it like a lover.

All the activities in this world stopped at this moment, until Jared decided to pull Jensen’s hand hard to make him fall off the edge.

“Damn it, Jared! I just washed this shirt!” Jensen yelled while Jared laughing, excitedly moving his tail.

“It’s not my business, is it?” he said while laughing more.

“I’m going to kill you!” Jensen narrowed his eyes.

“Oh yea? Try!” Jared winked.

And immediately, Jared swam so fast away from Jensen in the man’s surprise. There’s no way Jensen was going to give up. Jensen removed his shirt and threw it on the ground. “Oh, don’t you dare!” Jensen said before stretching his arms to follow Jared.

Jared swam ahead, instantly moved his tails to splash water at Jensen’s face. Jensen wasn’t a newbie. He stretched his legs, rubbed both legs together continuously. He swam as strongly as a cetacean and didn’t mind playing dirty at all. But Jared avoided it, he dived under Jensen to move below him, didn’t forget to slap Jensen’s butt when he swam behind the man’s back. He laughed interestingly and swam so damn fast away from Jensen again.

The wide smile disappeared when he turned his head around to realize that Jensen was nowhere to be found. No way. He couldn’t swim that fast. There’s something wrong. Jared was quiet and calm to observe and tried to sense Jensen.

And suddenly, he startled for being grabbed by the tail and thrown back in the lake. It’s Jensen. He was there the whole time, swimming below Jared as quietly as a hunting shark. Jensen resurfaced and howled with joy.

“Hahaha! You lose, little merman”

Jared resurfaced after Jensen, hair covered his face but the glance he gave for Jensen was still sharp as knife and clear as the sun. That drove Jensen more interested. He closed the distance between Jared and him to tuck the merman’s hair behind his ears.

“Take a closer look at the guy who defeated you, little merman. Look!”

Jared ignored, but Jensen quickly grabbed his face to force him to look at the man. That’s when they locked their eyes.

They’re quiet again. No one said a word. No more tricks, no more teasing. What was being presented now was the beauty of the honesty. Their face came closer to each other eyes were not getting off each other. And when their foreheads touched, both smiled. Everything stopped their breath just to watch the young couple.

**~~~o~~~**

“What is Heaven, Brock?” asked Colin.

Brock rolled his eyes, reset the kid: “Heaven is where I don’t need to piggyback a kid who is never careful enough to kid around but still run around to get a big fall and a dislocated leg home in the middle of the night like this”.

Colin was on Brock’s back, the kid frowned: “Heaven is really like that? I thought Heaven must be big and gorgeous. You know, there are white clouds, golden gates, Angels…”

Brock suddenly stopped and starred at the lake.

“Brock, what’s wrong?” wondered Colin.

Brock pointed at the lake. “That’s Heaven!”

Colin thought for a moment, “Weird. Why are two people swimming together in a lake Heaven?”

Brock turned his head and looked at Colin with the unbelievable eyes. “You dumbie! Not like that”

“Then what is that?”

Brock continued piggybacking Colin to the kid’s room: “Heaven is not a specific place. It doesn’t always have clouds or gates or angels. To a mother, Heaven is her child. To a big brother, Heaven is his little bro. To some other, it can be big catch or a successful crop. Heaven is something small that makes you happy, a kind of happiness that only you can understand”.

He laid Colin down on the bed and checked out for the little guy’s leg. Colin looked at Brock and asked again.

“Then what’s your Heaven?”

“Hmm… It is not having to carry you home every time you meet troubles, dumbie!”

Colin pouted. “Boring!”

“Yeah?” Brock tied Colin’s ankle with a white band.

“Yeah. You have no imagination!”

“Yes”, Brock smirked and stood up, “Goodnight, dumbie!”

Brock was about to take a walk away, but Colin took his hand. “Then why did you point at Jensen and Jared while telling about Heaven?”

“Dumbie, because it was their Heaven. When a person finds their love, that love can last for a whole life or just a week. But when a person finds their Heaven, it means they find their final destination of their life. And final destination means there is no where else they’d rather be, they’re officially stuck with each other and they will do everything to protect their own Heaven. It’s because Heaven is the place where you will never want to get far away”, Brock smiled and rubbed Colin’s head.

“What a shame!” Colin pouted again.

“Why?” Brock frowned.

“Then Jared can’t go back to the sea?”

“Kiddo, Heaven is the place that people can give up anything, try their best to reach it”

“Why?”

“Because Heaven is worth it”

“Hm…” Colin thought for awhile, then grinded. “Am I your Heaven?”

Brock gaped.  “What?!”

“Well, you give up his sleep and try your best to carry me home, right?” Colin quickly answered.

Brock laughed. “No. You are something horrible that I wish I could understand, dumbie!”

Brock looked out of the window. Jensen and Jared were still there, still looking at each other, still saying no words. Brock didn’t really know how to explain to Colin. He only knew that when he saw Jensen and Jared, he felt the warmth, he saw the image of his parents when they’d been alive. To Brock, the way his father had looked at his mother was the way a man looked at the purest, most beautiful and most wonderful thing he had ever known. And like he had always said, Brock’s mother had always been his Heaven.

Maybe so, Heaven is something that had no concepts. We could only feel it when it’s inside our hearts. And that night, Jensen and Jared found their Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys, I'm truly sorry for this late update. There are things really going on here and sometimes I find it's hard to focus on writing. But don't worry, I won't drop it. :D So I hope you guys enjoy reading this. Thank you so much for the whole time. <3


	12. The Winter In The Heart (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Chrismas! It's time to kiss someone under the mistletoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of songs that used in the story:
> 
> 1\. Have A Holly Jolly Christmas.  
> 2\. Better Than I Know Myself.  
> 3\. Mistletoe.

It was believed that when people were in love, time did fly so fast. Jensen wasn’t sure if it’s true, but he did know that time did actually fly. It’s winter again.

Snowflakes were covering the young sailorman’s window. They looked so fragile, so vulnerable as much as crystal. Outside, snow had begun to fall down heavier and thicker. The whole land was covered by white. In the middle of somewhere, a melody was captured to welcome the winter’s fairies. The church bell suddenly became stronger, more cheerful, and full of vitality. Children’s laughter was everywhere in town. From some mistletoe, those singing young birds were showing off some sweet love sounds.

Some winter wind had just flew by, shivered him. And there it was, a young sailorman holding a girl who sold porcelain vases downtown. They had been in love for such a long time, hadn’t they? Jensen didn’t clearly remember. But it seemed like they had always been this happy every time the man came home.

Surrounded by the winter’s coldness, everything turned out to be so warm. And surrounded by every warm thing, there was a man feeling like the coldness had just visited him.

What year was this? Jensen had stopped counting for a long time. Each year went by, it felt like Jensen’s heart was a bit colder, his hands were a bit more loosening, and his mind was a bit emptier. His Mom had been supposed to be back. She had promised him. That should have been Mom feeling Dad’s warmth covering her hand. That should have been Dad laying a smile on Mom’s lips. That should have been Mom feeling the sweetness from Dad’s kiss under the mistletoe. That should have been Dad walking on the white street with Mom. That should have been Mom rocking the whole ocean with Dad. That should have been Mom… That should have been Dad… That should… That should have always been like that… Untile that winter…

Jensen changed his gaze to the sea. His hand was on the window and the other hand was threading in his dirty blond hair which got browner each day. The green from his eyes were blending with the blue white from those snowflakes. The nostalgia in his eyes were merging with the winter’s cold wind. Such a poetic scene!

“Merry Christmas, Mom, Dad”, whispered he. It was so soft, but it was so hurt.

~~~o~~~

"Jared, I brought you what you asked”

Brock’s voice pulled Jared back to reality. The merman was sitting in a bathtub. His hands were holding a weed crown.

Out of nowhere, the memories hit him. He missed those summer days on the grey rock where his prince and he had watched the sun all day without getting bored. The sunlight had dropped on his lover’s hair, made it glow as if it’s some kind of magic. That safe feeling, that warm feeling had been all over the place. The prince’s lips had been on his. They had been so soft, so sweet. It had felt like tasting some wine. It had felt like chasing some spring. It had felt so natural.

The sea aura had been all around him. A sleazy scent of the spring’s wind, of each wave slowly had hit the rock, pulled them closer. His image had been more visible than ever with those white clouds of spring behind.

He had looked at Jared. He had looked right into his soul. It’s not wrong to say that those ocean blue plus emerald eyes had been some kind of drug that he hadn’t even known that he’d needed. Jared had always been drunk on those eyes. It had always felt like he could have done everything for those eyes not to let him go. It had always felt like he could have died in those eyes.

The sea aura had been all around him. The smoldering stench of those angry hurricans came from the black sea willing to destroy everything on their way. His shadow had been hidden away by all those dark choulds of storm behind.

"Good morning, Brock”, Jared said while giving the boy a smile. “Look what I’ve done!”, Jared excitedly showed his work.

“Weed? Why weed? I thought that he would make a flower crown?”

Jared giggled: “Flowers are for the weak!”

Brock smiled back. “Maybe”.

The smile faded on Jared’s lips while he was thinking of something. Putting the weed crown down, the merman asked: “How’s Jensen holding up?”

They hadn’t been in the same room since the frist snow dropped. Jensen suddenly got all quiet, less came to the room. He locked himself hours in the wine cellar each time he got back from the sea. And when he didn’t spend hours there, he’d waste himsef with those liquid that he had been collecting for years. As if he’s the lonelinest man in the world, Jensen had no one to talk, to comfort. There were only walls surrounding him. Those walls kept him from the outside world. They kept him from the past and the future. They kept him away from his pain. And those walls even kept him away from himself.

“He’s gonna be okay”, said Brock. The boy gave him a support gaze while his hands were still busy orgazing things on the table.

“Brock,…”, Jared quietly said, “I’m scared…”

Brock stopped. He turned his head to Jared for careful listening and observation.

“What are you scared of?”

“I’m scared that everything won’t go as expected. I’m scared that I’m making a mistake. I’m scared that everything is just a dream. What if everything is just a dream? I’m scared that Jensen would --”

“Jared!” Brock closed the distance between them. The boy moved in and held Jared’s hands.  He looked just like a younger version of Jensen, to be honest. His green eyes looked right into Jared’s hazel ones.

“Everything is going to be okay”, Brock gently said with a smile.

“How do you know? I mean, it’s been years and Jensen still…”

“Yes. But this year, Jensen has something that other Jensens before didn’t have”

“And that is?”

“You”.

It’s just simply that.

~~~o~~~

Jensen woke up by the time some loud music from upstairs hit his ears.

Everything started to dance around him like Russia’s traditional moves. On the floor, a couple of empty bottles were swinging non-stop as if someone kept on playing with them. Those tables started to hold their hands and dance along with the music as well. Those wine shelves were leaning sideways like drunkers, too. But wait, did tables have hands?

In some moment, Jensen wasn’t sure if had stepped into a bar instead of his house. He stood up. And everything was wobble as if there were a ton of waves hitting his boat. The floor then was no different than a wooden plank on the sea. And immediately, Jensen got face down, ass up.

“Jesus Christ”, he mumbled.

Het let his legs wander in the dark towards the music without fully opening his eyes. His vision hadn’t got used to this light yet.

He got closer to the music. Guitar was playing along with some bell. A Christmas song, he realized.  This voice, he also regconized.

Jensen unsteadily walked towards the light guiding his way. In front of him, everyone was dancing along with music. Colorful prom dresses from ladies together with men suits from gentlemen got him all dazzled. At the height of 5 or 6 steps above the ground, a band is playing the festive music on stage.

Jensen hiccuped, narrowed his eyes to get a better sight. The man holding a guitar had definitely used to be the apple-thief boy. Memories came like a wrecking ball. He remembered a kid with black pants, one leg of the pants had been higher than the other, short-sleve shirt with a big hole at the back. The kid’s hair had been light blond and all curly as if someone had just turned a bowl of noodles upside down on his head. But all of those couldn’t be remembered as much as the fact that there had been this dirty green flow of water always hanging between his nose and his mouth. The way he had been all sneaky to steal apples still got Jensen shake his head with a smile. Not to mention, he had been like a kitten trying to be all perverse and fierce. Since he’d been too light, his feet had always been off the ground whenever he’d got caught. And it had been as easy as a piece of cake. However, it’d never stopped him from kicking and hitting around in order to hurt the sherrif.

Jason Manns. His name was Jason Manns.

Memories flashed back through Jensen’s mind and made him smile happily as freshly like some kind of weed standing for his soul.

_♪ "Have a holly, jolly Christmas_  
_It's the best time of the year_  
_I don't know if there'll be snow_  
_But have a cup of cheer_  
_Have a holly, jolly Christmas_  
_And when you walk down the street_  
_Say hello to friends you know_  
_And everyone you meet_  
_Oh, ho the mistletoe_  
_Hung where you can see_  
_Somebody waits for you_  
_Kiss her once for me_  
_Have a holly, jolly Christmas_  
_And in case you didn't hear_  
_Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas_  
_This year" ♪_

Jason was on stage, carelessly singing as if his life depended on those melodies. It’s been awhile since Jensen’d last seen him. The kid that day was now all grown up. His hair was still curly and his face was still dull though. But his nose had stopped running. The kid was now a man who was living a better life and knowing how to share things for everyone.

~~~o~~~

_"Get lost! You white trash!”,  Jason pushed Jensen when the kid brought him clean clothes._

_“You do realize that your skin and mine are quite the same, right?” Jensen calmly responded, put those clean clothes on a table._

_“The same my ass! You’re the white kid wearing white clothes, living in a white castle, and eating white fish. You can’t be like me! I myself am a hero. My clothes are full of sweat from hard working. My house is wide land, high sky. I can eat the whole universe, not just those low-quality fish like you do. I am a macho!” Jason proudly pat his own chest._

_Jensen couldn’t help but roll his eyes. That year, Jensen was a bit slimmer than Jason, but the kid was quite taller than Jason, at least, half of a head._

_“You’re not gonna brag about yourself all day, are you?”_

_“Ha! That’s called the macho man, kid!”_

_Jensen’s hands were squeezing a towel. He replied without even bothering to look at the thinner child. “There’s no macho man that steal apples”_

_Jason immidiately turned his head around, ran towards Jensen. “Look at me! I steal? It’s not like that. I just, well, borrow them some food. Heroes still need to eat, don’t they?”_

_“Oh yeah? Then when will you return things that you borrow?”_

_“I… don’t know… yet…”_

_“And it’s not stealing. Yeah. Right”, Jensen rolled his eyes again before gathering everything on the table._

_“What are you doing, Skinny?”_

_“Mr. Morgan required me to prepare clean clothes for you”_

_“For what?”_

_“You’ll find out soon”_

_“I’m not gonna be a slave for that white trash”_

_“Listen, Noodle Head”, Jensen straightened his posture and looked right into Jason’s eyes. “That white trash” was the one that saved you from being sold to the Romans. And if you honestly wanna know, then I’m willing to answer. The Romans is famous for kidnapping children to be the Kappa’s bait. And if you wanna leave to make friend with the beast’s teeth, please, be my guest. It would help us not waste an amount of food to feed you. There’s no disadvantage for us. Trust me. But if you wanna stay, then you’d better show me some respect!”_

_Jason couldn’t hind his gaze which was a bit overwhelmed, respectful and fearful._

_“Let’s start with calling him Mr. Morgan”, Jensen finished his speech._

_“Mr… Mr. Morgan”, Jason repeated._

_“Say you’re grateful to Mr. Morgan for his clothes, his food and his kindness!” Jensen  crossed his arms in front of his chest._

_“I-I-I am grateful to Mr. Morgan for his clothes, his f-food and… and…”, Jason was suttering, “Hey, it’s too long, I can’t remember…”, the kid scratched his head._

_Jensen tried his best to hold his laughter. He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath: “For his kindness!”_

_“For his kindness!”_

_“Very good! Now go take a shower and change your clothes. I’ll see you in one hour”, Jensen strongly said._

_Jason nodded his head and held his new clothes in his arms._

_Before Jensen walked away, Jason called out: “Hey, Skinny!”_

_Jensen turned his head around and saw an apple in front of him. Jason hesitated: “Can you please bring this apple to Mr… Mr. Morgan to thank him for helping me?”_

_Jensen smiled: “Keep it! Knowing you get a better manner is quite good to Mr. Morgan!”_

_“Hey, is Mr. Morgan God? How can someone be that good?”_

_“Maybe”, Jensen replied with a wide smile and as gorgeous as Christmas._

_“Hey, Skinny!”_

_“What?”_

_“Thank you”._

_“You’re welcome”, Jensen nodded._

~~~o~~~

“Hey, Skinny!”

“Noodle Head!”

Jason walked towards Jensen. His hand held Jensen’s while the other one held his shoulder,

“Long time no see, Skinny! Seems like you’re not skinny anymore, eh?”

“Yea, and your hair still looks like noodle”

“Hey! It’s quite a style, you old-fashioned dude!”, Jason used his hair to lift his precious hair.

Jensen smirked.

The sailor man continued: “What are you doing here, by the way?”

“Oh, dude, your boy invited us here. Seems like there’s a lot of things happened since the last time we met. And he really knows how to throw a party, man. It’s definitely not your fault to fall in love with such a cool dude”

Perhaps, alcohol was still deep in Jensen’s head, because he felt like Jason wasn’t speaking English at all. But he’s certain that he could hear one in tons of words Jason had just said. And that one word had made everything coming after it turned to meaningless. 

“Hold on”, Jensen put a hand on Jasons’ shoulder, “my boy?”, he frowned.

“Yeah, your boy”. Jason nodded his head as if it’s something normal.

“My boy? Mine?”

“Seriously? How much did you drink?”, Jason raised an eyebrow, looked at Jensen.

Jensen somehow couldn’t manage to feel any better. Everything seemed so confusing. The party, the dance, those dresses, everyone, Jason, music, boy,… they made no sensen at all.

“By the way, Skinny, no offense, but you look like you just came out of some garbage can and you smell like dead fish”, Jason covered his nose, “If you don’t quickly go changing, I’m afraid that after tonight, you won’t have a boyfriend anymore! Because he’s actually pretty freaking gorgeous!”

“But I don’t have a boyfriend!?”, Jensen raised his voice and frowned even harder.

“Keep that behavior and I’m sure you don’t have anything anymore”, Jason rolled his eyes. “I gotta continue my night. Can’t let Rob Benedict steal my spotlight”.

Jason disappeared after spilling it as fast as he came.

If there’s a word to describe Jensen that moment, it would be “confusion”. He looked around, made sure that he was standing in his own mansion. But somehow, everything looked so strange.

The lights of a whole room went as brightest as ever, if you didn’t want to say that it’s so sparkling that it hurt his head. There were two wooden tables whose length was about six foot steps and they were standing in an equal distance in comparision with the center of the room. On the table lied those large dishes of food from seafood to poultry, from beef steak to vegetable. They all got nice and charming decoration. It’s impossible for Jensen to say that his mouth didn’t got all water when he saw those two masterpieces.    

People from every corner of the room were chatting happily. Some of them were flirting. Some were dancing. Some were only paying attention on food.

In the right corner of the room, there stood a giant pine. Giving a quick look, people might see it as a normally decorated pine. But, somehow, by someone, it seemed like the pine on which got put a whole story.

The pine’s branches were embraced by hundreds of little flickering light bulbs. They spreaded this gentleness and sweetness all over the kind of tree that was supposed to be harsh. Such a scene! Those lights came up with warmth, sweetness, and happiness as if they were trying to calm a grumpy man down so that they’re able to smile for a little. Those red and green bulbs are made such a great curtain that everyone loved to see and give compliments. But behind that, behind those bulbs, there came the story.

That was a star, a lonely star, hanging in the center of the tree. Those detailed carves of the star are pretty much strong, sophisticated and yet, so soft at the same time. There were a little bit of glitters on it. However, it seemed like the star was broken. It didn’t shine. It just laid there and got covered by a whole pine. And if nobody took a careful look at the giant tree, maybe, no one would ever know the star’s prescene. Those pine leaves didn’t give the star a chance to get a full attention from anyone. They hid it while it was trying so hard to have a position among those green leaves, silver baubles, and red bulbs. It must be lonely. The star watched everything around it being so lively in silence. A star with such a beauty outside, however, was dying inside. Its light was so weak, and slowly fading away. The light, perhaps, wasn’t even warm enough in the middle of a forest of exhilarating heat.

Jensen closed the distance with the pine. And he realized that there was another corner where hung a moon. The moon was not completely full, but amazingly, it shined bright like the Sun. It’s so bright, the crescent moon was so freaking bright that it put every flickering things in shame. Nothing could compare with it. No green or red lights could overlay the white light from it. The moonlight was so powerful, yet not as intense as the Sun. Somehow, there’s a sweet and gentle light all around that beautiful thing.

For no reason, Jensen felt so warm just by looking at it. His empty feeling gradually vanished in the air when the light gently touched his heart. A smile came along.

“Jensen, you alright?”

Jensen startled. He didn’t realize that, at the moment, his mind was lost somewhere in the story. The story of a crescent moon and a little star.

Ty squeezed Jensen’s shoulder. “Jensen, are you sleep walking?”

Jensen shrugged off, “Maybe”.

“Yeah”, Ty rolled his eyes, “And you’re not gonna change your clothes? You smell like dead fish”

Jensen frowned, “Why would I change my clothes? And by the way, who decorated this pine?”

The sailor’s mind could not stop thinking about the story before his eyes. He wanted to know why the moon was cresent, why the star was waning, and why they both got hidden in each different corner, and why the hell that nobody paid any attention to them. He wasn’t a genius. But he didn’t think the decorator unintentionally ruined this. Because, obviously, the pine would be better without this star. But if the star wasn’t there, it would make Jensen so annoyed, so bothered. It would feel like the picture that Jensen was looking at and the story that Jensen was following which both weren’t perfect, but wouldn’t be complete without the star.

“Who else but your boy?”, Ty smirked.

“My boy?” Jensen winced.

“Yup”, Ty nodded, “You better go take a shower and change your clothes before nobody remembers that you are the owner of this place”

“What the heck are you talking about?” Jensen started feeling pretty very annoyed by the fact that everybody he knew kept on confusing him. It’s like the hangover wasn’t bad enough for the man.

“Brock’s prepared everything and set them in your room, already! Hurry up!”, Ty pushed Jensen a bit to hurry him.

When Jensen showed no sign of being ready to move, Ty grabbed the younger’s man collar and dragged him to his room. Of course, Jensen couldn’t be as strong as Ty to resist, even when he’s absolutely sober. Not to mention, at the moment, he couldn’t differ betweetn reality and imagination.

So that, there he was, in his room.

Jensen took a glance all around it. The warmth coming was such a great comfort. There was something from the sea, something from the land, something from the wave, something from the wind,.. They all mixed to create a cozy kind of feeling which somehow maintained enough freedom.

Maybe, when someone got drunk, they unintentionally became a poet who owned all the most poetic thoughts along with soft imagination. Or maybe, because when they’re sober, they would never admit that their heart had always been easy to be warmed up by such simple things.

Jensen walked towards his bed and had a seat. On the bed, there’s a neat set of clothes lying next to a piece of paper.

_“Get dress, Mr. Ackles  
Jared Padalecki”_

A smile showed up as Jensen saw Jared’s handwriting. He remembered the first time he had given Jared the fairy tale book. He had promised to teach Jared how to write and read then. Jared was not a genius, obviously, but he was such a smart student. He had learnt pretty quick and he had always been in a situation of getting not enough of vocalbulary. There had been nights when Jensen was wandering in his deep sleep after a long hard working day. And he swore that he could have heard the boy right next to him had been still mumbling something by his ears. When Jensen hadn’t been around, Jared would have written down all those strange words that he had got from the book he had been reading. And then, he would have waited for Jensen to come back and explain the meaning of them. It had led to the event of Jensen giving Jared a dictionary. And since that moment, Jensen had had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, he had been jealous with that son of a book. Jared had never left that book. Even when he had been swimming in his pool, the book had never left his side. Jared had always lost in the world of words, of stories, of documents, of literature. He had read and read and read. He had written and written and written. And Jensen could never been able to deny that he had fallen in love with the image of Jared with a book by his side.

The boy’s brown hair would be softly covering his eyes. Therefore, he would pull his hair through his ears and sometimes, he put a fit under his chin to stop and think. Jared’s face would always change when he read. He would frown when he didn’t get it, smile when he finally realized something adorable, or open his mouth when he discovered new things. Sometimes, Jared also had tears in his eyes when he read a sad story. All the emotions that Jared had while reading made Jensen smile countlessly. Because he could clearly sense the change in Jared. He had finally stopped being such a pain in the ass. He had finally stopped being a cold-hearted fish. Before Jensen’s eyes, there was a merman with his strong will of living, with his warm heart and with his pure soul. Sometimes, Jensen thought, perhaps, this had always been Jared. Perhaps, this had always been who Jared was.

Jensen caressed Jared’s handwrirting. They’d been written by brushes. They looked so gracefully, at least, much more than when he’d first written.

Putting the paper down, Jensen stroked the set of clothes on his bed. There were a white shirt, a black vest, a black pair of pants, a white-gray tie. They were all made by silk. Next to them, there were a pair of black boots and of course, a pair of black socks. Together, they made such a expensively luxuriously noble. Jensen believed that Jared had chosen this for him.

Jensen had no idea why Jared did all of this, but he gotta admit that, he got all tingly when Jared took control like that. It proved how much grown up Jared was in comparision to the first time they’d met.

~~~o~~~

“It’s gonna be a disaster! Oh my Nixie! Please have mercy on me!”

Jared had been whining constantly since everything got started. And somehow, Olsson still couldn’t find it’s moved. It’s quite opposite. Because the vampire found himself laughing like an idiot.

“Shut up, Ty!” Jared angrily answer his laughter. And that made Olsson laugh even more. He swore that his tears were falling all down by how hard he laughed.

Olsson cleared his throat and tried to get a hold of himself. “Stop being a whiner. Aren’t you the one who told me that you would do anything to make Jensen happy?”

“Right!”, Jared nodded with an eye roll. And he started again, “But I didn’t think that Jensen’s happiness would envolve dancing!”

Jared took a sip of his salty water. Half of the bottle was gone. He sighed, rubbed his own forehead.

Olsson watched him. He got why Jensen had some feelings with Jared. At first, he hadn’t regconized. But then, when the time went by, it showed off more clearly. Because, Jared evidentally the missing piece of Jensen’s soul. Olsson knew that Jensen had loved Jeff, but that puppy love couldn’t compare with how Jensen felt about Jared. Jeff could be a perfect man, but this full of flaw merman was the perfect man for Jensen. Because only Jared’s innocence was able to shine into Jensen’s soul. Because only Jensen’s honesty was able to defeat the coldness in Jared’s heart. Because people who lost the most were those who gave the most. And they both lost enough to give each other the best rest of them.

Olsson was a bit bothered. More than anyone, he wanted to see his boy be happy. But more than anyone, he knew Jensen’s afraid of being happy. The sailor always thought that happiness was so fragile, too vulnerable. Therefore, it would easily fade away. More than anyone, he didn’t want to see Jensen in misery. And more than anyone, he knew how would Jensen be if he lost the half of his soul when Jared’s gone.

Olsson tried to hold his emotions. Jared had been preparing lots of things for Jensen. The last thing he wanted is to let his negative thoughts ruin their nught. Parts of him were so excited. Olsson believed that Jared was the missing piece of  Jensen’s life and he couldn’t wait too see both of them goi into the church to be each other’s husband.

The thought made Olsson smile.  

“For real!”, said Jared, “Could you please stop laughing at me? Am I not miserable enough?” His voice was full of desperate.

“I didn’t…”, Olsson stopped himself. It wouldn’t be really necessary to talk about what he’d been thinking, would it? So he changed the subject.

“So, did you finish all the stuff? I am sure that Jensen has already been ready. And trust me, those guests downstair would be out of breath by how gorgeous he is. And then, they would hit on him. And when it happens, don’t beg me to wash their brains”. Olsson raised his eyebrow.

“Who the hell did come up with the idea of a prom night? Look at me! I. Am. A. Mer-man! I can’t even stand. And now? Dance? How am I supposed to dance? I’m dead! We’re all dead! I’m done! I am so done!”

Jared couldn’t stop. Olsson was half enjoying Jared’s complaints, half feeling annoyed by them. When he’d first met Jared, Olsson would have never thought that this boy could talk this much.

“Hey! Calm down!” Olsson raised his voice. “Firstly, the idea of prom night is yours. And--”

“I know!” Jared cut Olsson right there. “I mean, who would come up with an idea of a prom night while having no legs? An idiot? No! An idiot still manages to know that it is the impossible. A freaking crazy son of a bitch! Olsson! I am a crazy freaking man! I can’t go out there with this look! It would be no helpful but trouble! I’m dead! I mean, I’m alive. But I’m dead!”

Jared buried his face in his own hands.

“Jared… Quit it”, Olsson laughed, “One, yes, you’re an idiot. Two, yes, he’s a crazy son of a bitch. And three, shut up and listen!”

~~~o~~~

"Mr. Ackles"

"Mr. Ackles"

"Mr. Ackles"

Each person bowed to greet Jensen when he walked past them. At the moment, Jensen, again, was the owner of this mansion, a gentleman of each man’s wish, a perfect man of each woman’s dream. With strong walk, sweet gaze, charming smile, Jensen became the center of the party.

The music suddenly stopped. On the stage, someone was knocking his glass with a fork to get people’s attention.

“Ladies and gentlemen!”

It’s Jason.

“Please, attention! Thank you for being here, at this party, today. I am Jason Manns, a friend of Mr. Ackles who is known as the owner of this mansion you’re standing in”

People applaused and changed their gaze to Jensen’s direction.

Jensen raised his glass of whine and smiled in respond.

“Thank you, people!” Jason went on. “May I continue my speech with a small story about Mr. Ackles. When I knew him, I was about 10. I was such a naughty kid who stole people’s apples. And Jensen, he was nothing, but a gentleman with such a big knowledge. Our social positions were quite far from each other. If I was a boy who tried to kick the sheriff when I got caught, Jensen was the one who got bowed to greet by the sheriff every time he showed up. What a lucky bastard! Isn’t he?”

Jason smirked at Jensen. The sailor was just shaking his head and smiling.

“However”, Jason raised his finger and pointed at nothing, “it wasn’t the thing make Mr. Ackles a gentleman. I read somewhere that manners make real man. Social position means nothing. A king using his people’s lives to entertain has no rights to compare with a homeless old man opening his arms to save a poor dog. A wandering artist crouching to pick every pence on the ground is still better than a politician trampling people’s heads. A rich man using his money to buy kids to be slaves is in no position to compete with a sailor man risking his own life to protect people”.

Jason stopped. He looked right into Jensen’s eyes. The curly-haired man’s eyes were full of admire and respect. “And a skinny boy opening his arms to welcome the world which is not always good is still better than a noodle-headed boy closing himself before this life which has never had any beef with him”.

Jensen’s lips turned to smile.

Jason held his eyes still. “Not for once”, Jason shook his head, “Not for once, I’ve seen Ackles treated anyone badly, or unfairly, in my life. He has a warm heart that's warm enough to share with those coldest-hearted men. He has a cool mind to solve everything at its fairest point. He has this halo that is bright enough to show those lost souls a way. He also has a dark side that is dark enough to help hin realize the deepest sadness on a person”.

I know each one of us has our own feelings for Mr. Ackles. There are girls that always dream of dancing with him.” He pointed at those ladies keeping their eyes on Jensen’s lips.

“There are guys that always hope to be like him.” Jason looked at Brock Kelly.

“There are people that always respect him.” Jason smiled at Colin Ford.

“And there are also those who are always envious of him.” Jason pointed at himself “Seriously! Just take a look! He looks like a Greek God and I look like a green frog.” Jason raised his own voice.

And people laughed at his harmless joke.

“And then,” Jason lower his voice, “there are those people who expect nothing but his happiness. Perhaps, to them, his happiness is more important than their own lives. They would do everything to give the young man his whole perfect happiness. They're willing to exchange everything just to see him having a good life. Because to them, Ackles is the best part of their lives.”

Jason changed his gaze to Ty Olsson. The vampire just simply nodded his head in agreement.

Jensen looked at Ty. He found his heart tightening. An insecure feeling was overwhelming. Jensen felt like Ty would do something very stupid. And it would be stupid enough for Jensen not to forgive himself if he didn’t stop the older man.

“And there are also those that consider him as a missing part of their soul. There are those who would do all of the most stupid things, things that even they couldn't imagine they would do, just to exchange his smile. Because their heart has soon dependent on his happiness already. "

Jason winked at Jensen.

“So”, Jason changed his voice. He sounded stronger and more cheerful. “At this party, we will have a little small game. And the prize would be Mr. Ackles!”

Jason announced while pointing at Jensen in people’s cheers.

A prize? Who told him about the prize? Jensen couldn’t belive that Jason could make a decision on his behalf. It would be a lie if you assumed that Jensen didn’t want to jump up on the stage to shave Jason’s head.

“Calm down, calm down! Everyone, please pick for your own a mask and put it on. When the music starts, let’s dance! In that mean time, Mr. Ackles will sit up there and observe. The chosen one is not the one who got the prettiest moves, but the one who got the prettiest soul. And therefore, the mask won’t cover your eyes in order to let Mr. Ackles look through it. The winner will get a chance to dance with Mr. Ackles and maybe, a kiss from him under the mistletoe”, Jason winked.

All the ladies started to bite their lips while the gentlemen were shaking their head and frown.

“And don’t you worry. If you’re a straight dude, Mr. Ackles would be happy to meet one legal need of you, no matter how crazy it would be”.

And it just took that to make everyone happy. Everyone, except Jensen.

“Alright, not to waste any more time of yours, I annouce that, the prom night shall begin!”

The music started right when Jason stopped. Everyone quickly put their mask and moved their feet.

Jensen shook his head at Jason while taking a sip of wine. He waited till Jason approached.

“What do you think, Jensen? I myself find that it’s hella great of a speech! I’m so proud of mysel!” Jason constantly raised his eyebrows.

Jensen held his cold face still and took another sip. His eyes didn’t leave Jason for once second.

“What? Say something!”

“I’m thinking”, Jensen started after his their gup.

“About what?”

“About how to kill you”, Jensen hit Jason on his shoulder, “Are you insane? What the heck? How could you do that on my behalf? Are you getting bored of living?”

“Easy, man”, Jason gently squeezed Jensen’s shoulder, “I believe that you’ll make a right choice”, Jason winked and ran away.

“Jesus, Manns! Imma kill you!”

He turned his head back: “No way! And by the way, I didn’t write those words!”. Just like that, Jason vanished into the crowd.

Jensen sighed. He hated Jason Manns. He must admit.

Jensen felt so lost. Everyone was having a mask covering their good and bad sides of their faces. And when he said everyone, it meant everyone. His workers, his servants, his artists, everyone was wearing masks. Jensen somehow was very uncomfortable with the fact that all eyes in the room were looking at him, watching him, stalking him, even.

He tried to end this awkward situation by looking for a familiar eyes. Maybe, some hazel eyes? Jensen was looking for a usual warmth that he needed.

However, it seemed too much for Jensen. He started getting dizziness when there were too many faces, too many eyes surrounding him. Jensen swore that he was watching all of his air out of his lungs.

_♪ "Cold as ice_  
_And more bitter than a December_  
_Winter night_  
_That's how I treated you_  
_And I know that I_  
_I sometimes tend to loose my temper_  
_And I cross the line_  
_Yeah that's the truth" ♪_

There came a voice by his ears. That’s it! That’s what Jensen’d been looking for! A familiar feeling, a warm aura, an honesty, a confession together melted into the lyrics, spoke up like a ray of light that softly touched Jensen’s heart.

_♪ "I know it gets hard sometimes_  
_But I could never_  
_Leave your side_  
_No matter what I say"♪_

Jensen stood straightly. His eyes were on the stage. There was a singer sitting on a lightly brown chair, holding a microphone. He was wearing a white set of clothes with white shirt, white vest, white shoes, white gloves, and white mask.

“The Man In White”, Jensen smiled. 

_♪ "Coz if I wanted to go_  
_I woulda gone by now but_  
_I really need you near me_  
_To keep my mind off the edge_  
_If I wanted to leave_  
_I woulda left by now_  
_But you're the only one that knows me_  
_Better than I know my self" ♪_

The hightlight of the song was got emphasized by “The Man In White”. His voice was strong. Somewhere in the lyrics, there were a confession, a promise, a confirmation, and a thank. His eyes were never off Jensen when he sang his heart out.

Jensen knew that this song was for him. Because as soon as the boy sang, nothing around him existed. Because as soon as the boy looked at Jensen, no time around him passed.

_♪ "All along_  
_I tried to pretend it didn't matter_  
_If I was alone_  
_Deep down I know_  
_If you were gone_  
_For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn_  
_Coz I'm lost without you." ♪_

The artist looked at nothing in distance. As if, he was remembering some event. Or maybe, because his eyes were lost when the thought of one day, he must leave the man he loved, must watch the man he gave his soul for gone.

And then, he looked at Jensen again. His eyes were like an invitation, a beg, a welcome.

_♪ "I know it gets hard sometimes_  
_But I could never_  
_Leave your side_  
_No matter what I say_  
_Coz if I wanted to go_  
_I woulda gone by now but_  
_I really need you near me_  
_To keep my mind off the edge_  
_If I wanted to leave_  
_I woulda left by now_  
_But you're the only one that knows me_  
_Better than I know my self." ♪_

Jensen found himself standing on the stage with him. They both shared each other the most honest, most gentle, most passionate eyes. Hazel melted in light green. The artist looked right into Jensen’s soul. And Jensen looked right into the man’s heart.

His voice went down, eyes fixed on Jensen. His voice was then like confidential words which were so shy to share directly with someone. Maybe, he was a stubborn kid who would rather let music speak than confess by words.

He looked up at Jensen with nothing, but pure devotion.

_♪ "I get kind of dark_  
_Let it go too far" ♪_

He put a hand on his left chest.

_♪ "I can be obnoxious at times_  
_But try and see my heart" ♪_

He opened his hand towards Jensen. His palm faced down as he waited for the man to come and take his hand.

_♪ "Coz I need you need now_  
_So don't let me down" ♪_

And Jensen took his hand. Perhaps, Jensen also took his heart. Because the next thing Jensen saw was a bright smile on the boy’s lips and shine eyes like those stars on a Christmas night sky.

The boy squeezed his hand raised his tone.

_"You're the only thing in this world I would die without."_

The singer pulled Jensen to sit next to him. Their forehead gently touched. Their smiles didn’t leave their lips. Their eyes lovingly watched each other’s expression. The boy’s hand was on Jensen’s hand and the man’s hand was on the artist’s heart.

Suddenly, everything went silent. No more music, no more voice, no more moves, no more winds, no more waves. This was it? The Earth had stopped spinning? Everything was silent.

Except two things.

Jensen and "The Man In White".

Only two left.

Only the sound of two hearts beat for each other. Only two breaths mixed with each other. Only two eye gazes fell for each other. Other sound was meaningless and other voice was empty. Sometimes, it was impossible to describe love, not by words, not by poetries, and not even by music. Love was just that silently there between two people. Love was never measured by images or sounds. Aparently, love was measured by the heart beat.

“Hi there”, Jensen softly said. His hot breath slightly touched the artist’s sensitive skin in the middle of the winter. Even when he couldn’t see the boy’s face, Jensen was sure that under that mask, there were two shyly pink cheeks.

“Hi there”, The Man In White sweetly replied. His eyes were still on Jensen.

And in that moment, Jensen’s lips touched the other’s lips to let him know that Jensen had seen his soul, known his stories, and been ready to open his heart for the boy. And in that moment, Jensen realized that the other boy wanted to say the same thing.

How strange it was! The way of two soul mates communicated. Words suddenly became too redundant .

"Whoa whoa whoa!", Jason’s voice speaking up startled them both. Hundreds eyes were on them.

“It seems like Mr. Ackles has found his missing piece of life right there. Mr. Ackles”, Jason turned to Jensen, “Would you like to kiss your prince”

Jensen paralyzed. He believed that fighting with criminals on the sea was even better than standing here.

“I…”, Jensen started, “I mean…”, he stuttered. Jensen’s hands were all shaking up. His eyes continuously moved from the audience to the artist sitting on the chair.

He bit his bottom lip. The microphone was so close to his mouth, yet, no words were out. Jensen took a deep breath and let out a long sigh for balancing his heart beat.

And then, he felt the familiar warmth. Jensen looked down to see his hand was getting all attention from the young artist. The boy’s long and thin fingers intertwined with Jensen’s fingers. Jensen looked at him. The artist said nothing. He just smiled and nodded.

As if having an invisible force helping, Jensen smiled.

The next thing Jensen knew was his lips on the lips of the boy who was holding his heart. His lips were so soft as a ripe red berry and fragrant as sea. The kiss wasn’t in hurry, not violent, not possessive. It was just gentle and sweet like the way these two found each other in a cold night and silently shared those warmth which was gone for so long for each other.

_♪ "It's the most beautiful time of the year_  
_Lights fill the streets, spreadin' so much cheer_  
_I should be playin' in the winter snow, but I'ma be under the mistletoe_  
_I don't wanna miss out on the holiday, but I can't stop starin' at your face_  
_I should be playin' in the winter snow, but I'ma be under the mistletoe" ♪_

Music started playing behind their back. In front of them, people were all cheering. And Jensen smiled at his lover. Yes. Jensen must say that he loved this boy. He didn’t want to admit, but he loved the boy in front of him. Because that boy turned his world upside down. Because that boy was such a stubborn jerk. Because that boy was nothing but a cockiness. But also because the boy loved him by the way nobody could love him. It would be very cheesy to say “I love you”, but maybe, Jensen didn’t need to say it. He believed that his eyes did speak on his behalf already.

Jensen stroked the boy’s face.

“May I?”, asked Jensen.

And the artist nodded. The sailor took off his mask.

“It would be a crime to hide all this beauty”, Jensen whispered in his ears/

He didn’t say anything but gave him a smile.

And then, there he was. This was the one that healed his soul, the one that fullfiled his heart, the one that soon became a part of him. That second, the past or present didn’t seem much matter to him. Pain, disappointment, darkness were all gone. The only thing that existed, the only thing that made sense was this young boy. He was Jensen’s happiness, hope and light. And that second, after all those years, Jensen got to live for the first time.

“Excuse me. What’s your name?” asked Jensen.

“Padalecki. Jared”, replied the merman.

"Ackles. Jensen"

"It’s such a beautiful name", Jared smiled.

“May I have this dance with you?” Jensen kneelt down, opened his palm before his eyes to wait.

“May you hold me tight?” Jared raised his eyebrow.

“With all my heart”

And Jared didn’t want to say this. But he loved Jensen. Dear Nixie, please don’t let anyone take Jared’s soul once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you wait this long for a crappy story. I honestly feel awful for this. There were so many changes and crazy things that happened to me for a whole year. I was in a horrible place and I couldn't get out till now. And so far, I feel such a horrible person for ignoring my characters this long. However, I'm back and gonna finish what I started. But trust me, I wouldn't be in rush to get this story done. But I promise, I would give you a full story soon. Thank you for your patience. Hope you enjoy this chapter after one year.


	13. Sweet Dream Or Beautiful Nightmare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared was in love again. But then, happiness wasn't that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this chapter:
> 
> Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley

_♪ "Wise men say_  
_Only fools rush in_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you"♪_

The melodious song was coming from the far far away. That was where the prom night was going on. That was where it’s all crowded and noisy. That was the center of laugh, of kisses, of the luxury party that Jared had once dreamed of.

Yes, he had once dreamed of it. He had once dreamed of those beautiful dresses, those elegant suits. He had once dreamed of those debutante balls with those sweet moves, yet intent. He had once dreamed of those legs that could take him to all the joy of running, jumping and playing in the sand.

But it’s over. Jared didn’t need them anymore. Right at this moment, he had everything he needed. The merman realized that he didn’t need those parties to prove how noble he was. He didn’t need a bunch of people to acknowledge that he’s happy. He didn’t need a pair of legs to dance with the man he’s falling in love with. He only needed one. And one was enough for him. He only needed one man who could heal his cold heart. Only one man was all he needed. Jared only needed Jensen and only Jensen.

_♪ "Shall I stay?_  
_Would it be a sin?_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you" ♪_

_Jared knew that his life was a joke. His first love was a sea witch, a dark creation. And he had loved him with all his heart, even though he’d known that their love was forbidden. And he’d been gone. It had been believed that his heart would never stop being as frosty as the way the winter treated his human skin. It had been believed that the love in him had stopped burning as if it’s a little candle standing in the middle of a snow storm. It had been believed that his story had been over since the moment his lover had been taken away forever. But then, right when nobody expected, he’d met a pirate._

_And since then, shall his story begin again. And since then, suddenly, the fire inside of him burned again. It was as strong as a giant fireplace which was everything but afraid of a wind. And since then, suddenly, the heat inside of his heart was as strong as the winter sun which was warming all those little birds from the South. The day he’d showed up, Jared’d known that the feelings he’d given for the man were the purest, sweetest ones. His second love was a human, most holy creation. Jared still knew that his life was a joke._

Meeting Jensen was a mistake. But not meeting Jensen was a regret. Falling in love with Jensen meant falling in love with an enemy. But ignoring Jensen meant ignoring himself. Giving Jensen his feelings led to putting himself in danger. But erasing his feelings for Jensen led to putting himself in misery. Staying with Jensen implied leaving his house. But staying away from Jensen implied leaving his own home.

_♪ "Take my hand_  
_Take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you" ♪_

Jared wanted to keep this moment forever. This moment was the moment when this whole world meant nothing, when the past didn’t matter anymore, when the future got nothing to do with them. This moment was the moment when there’s only one man in his heart. There’d be no more pain from the past, no more fear from the future. The whole world was shrinking to be as small as Jensen. Or was Jensen was getting bigger to be as big as his world?

And he needed all of his senses to work.

Hearing. He was listening carefully. He needed to hear those sweet tunes that someone was singing like it’s a proof of his love. He needed to hear the way the wind was blowing into those strong pines as if it was looking for a place to stay after a long tiring journey. He needed to hear the sounds of waves far away from where he’s born. He needed to hear Jensen’s breath which was where he belonged to.

Sight. He watched carefully. He needed to take a clear look at the pirate who was as great as a wall with broad shoulders and a solid body. He needed to peruse perfectly the green-eyed pirate whose eyes were always capable of looking through his heart. He needed to observe fully Jensen’s tender and lovely smile. He needed to see wholly his hero who’d rescue him from his darkest places of his life, who’d light up the fire which he’d thought had been no longer there, who’d blew the ice away from his soul. 

Smell. He took a deep breath. He needed to smell those snowflakes carrying the sea scent in trying to break the freezing ice. He needed to smell those weeds carrying the new earth scent trying to growing up in the freeze. He needed to smell Jensen’s flesh. He needed to memorize this sweet and pleasant aroma, wild and intense aura, making him drunk, making him feel like he’s falling into some wonderland where a shoal of lampreys were playing in the middle of the sea.

Touch. He put his hand on Jensen. He needed to feel how soft this dirty blond hair was. He needed to feel how sharp this dream jaw line was. He needed to feel how warm this tanned skin dyed from those days on a ship was. He needed to feel how fragile this heart which had been suffering to many pains was. He needed to feel how hard these muscles built from those dangerous adventures were. He needed to feel how cold his skin was getting, so that when Jensen touched him, there’s only one feeling maintaining. The feeling of safe.

Taste. He gave him a deep kiss. He needed to taste how sweet his lips were, the taste of ripen fruits in the spring. He needed to taste how salty the tip of his tongue was, the taste of foam waves in the summer. He needed to taste how buttery his mouth was, the taste of nuts in the autumn. He needed to taste how bitter his tears were, the taste of loneliness in the winter. He needed to taste everything belonging to Jensen. He needed to taste all Jensen’s torments from those days living without a place to stay, a thing to hold. He needed to taste all Jensen’s joys from those happy days on the sea.

_♪ "For I can't help falling in love with you" ♪_

"Jared?"

"Jared?"

"Jay?"

Jared startled when the warmth from Jensen’s hand mixing with the cold from the water touched his face.

“You alright?”

“Jensen… I…”

Jared choked on his words. He wanted to say something. He wanted to say a lot, but he couldn’t form a sound. Was it wrong if he blamed Jensen? For him being too sweet, yet too bitter, too gentle, yet too rough, too warm, yet too cold, too mature, yet too foolish, too brave, yet too afraid. How come Jensen was so complicated? How come Jensen contained both the light and darkness in him? How come Jensen was too difficult to understand? How come Jensen was a magical book which Jared couldn’t stop his curiosity to take a look, to discover? How come Jensen was so perfect? Was Jensen real or was he just a too beautiful dream to be true? Jared’s scared. He’s scared of losing Jensen right when he woke up.

“Hey, it’s alright”, Jensen spoke up. His voice was as soft as a whisper. It’s a whisper that’s only loud enough for them both hear. It’s like their story. It only needed two to understand.

“Jensen… I’m afraid…”, Jared squeezed Jensen.

“Of what?” worried Jensen.

“I’m afraid that it’s just a dream that right when I wake up, you’ll leave me”.

Tears were falling on both of his cheeks. His sensitive skin grew red when it hit the winter from the air and the heat from the water running from his eyes.

“Shh, shh”, Jensen held Jared’s shivering body. His hand was gently moving up and down the younger’s back and another was stroking his brown hair. Jared was sobbing on Jensen’s shoulder. His face buried deep in Jensen’s neck.

Jensen gave Jared nothing but comfort. He let the younger man let it all out. Jensen let Jared’s tears washed away his fears. He didn’t rush. Jensen had been waiting his whole life to meet Jared. Therefore, another wait for Jared to be all calmed wouldn’t harm him anyway.

Jared’s hurt. It’s strange that after all that time, after all the incidents, his heart’d been thought to be unable to love like the old days. And now, it’s hurt. It’s strange that after all that time, his heart still couldn’t prevent from being hurt, being bleeding, being inconsolable. Jared failed to force his tears falling from his eyelashes away when he thought about watching Jensen leaving him. If losing his ex-lover meant losing his soul, losing Jensen meant losing everything, then. If that day, Jared couldn’t kill himself, losing Jensen would be the reason for him to stop this meaningless life, then.

They both stayed like that for awhile. Then Jensen decided to speak up again.

“Jared, look at me”

And Jared did. His eyes were wet and his lips were trembling. He looked up at Jensen.

Jensen stroked his cheeks lightly. The green eyes didn’t leave the hazel ones. There’s nothing but love and honesty in the man’s eyes. There’s nothing but care and tenderness in his acts.

Jensen silently put his lips on Jared’s. The kiss was delicate and mellow like a spring day in March. Jared could perceive the man’s shy breath touching his lips. Jensen opened his mouth, wide enough to allow the tip of his tongue escaped and met Jared’s. When those children met, they immediately connected to each other as if they’d known each other for so long, as if they’d been born for this.

It wasn’t a hungry kiss, or a needy kiss, or a possessive one. It was a kiss from a man losing too much to another. It was a kiss full of secure, solace, and promises. It was a kiss standing for the purest love ever. It was the love that no force could touch, no power could destroy. It was the love that was strong enough to melt the ice from a cold heart, to guide a lost soul a way home. That’s the love of Jensen and Jared.

“I’m not going anywhere”, said Jensen between his kisses. “And if it’s a dream, I’ll be your own dream. Only yours”.

“Jensen…” Jared coiled the sailor’s body. It’s like he was slowly attacking Jensen. He swore that all he wanted now was devouring Jensen’s soul. He swore that all he needed now was Jensen perpetually living inside of him, so that no one could ever do them apart, so that he could forever protect this man, so that no jerk could lay one finger on his body anymore. Because Jensen was his. Everything of Jensen was his.

Those eyes. Jared stopped for a moment to take a look at him and to gather his breath. Those freckles. Jared kissed each one and wondered if any sane man worshipped these dots like he did. That face. Jared ran his hand all over the man’s face and put Jensen’s chin up.

Those lips. Jared pressed his lips on Jensen’s, causing the man a groan. He opened his mouth widely. He licked, swallowed, bit and left his marks on those wet red lips of Jensen. This hair. Jared grabbed the man’s dirty blond hair and pulled it to the back so that Jensen’s neck was on display. Jared lowered his mouth. His hand was on the man’s throat and his lips was on the man’s neck. He started sucking it. Jensen shut his eyes and bit his lips. If he didn’t take this wrong, Jensen was pretty much very excited by those touches of Jared. Because Jared was aware of Jensen’s growing crotch when the merman stuck his tail between the sailor’s legs.

Jared stopped when Jensen’s neck was covering with those dark red from Jared’s hickeys. Jared was proud of himself for consecutively claiming all over the man’s body. This chest. Jared squeezed Jensen’s big boobs. He wondered if he squeezed hard enough, would Jensen shoot his milk right out. He went on with Jensen’s nipples. Jared uses his fingers to tease with Jensen’s tits and make them as hard as diamond. Perhaps, they’re way more gorgeous than diamonds, Jared thought, when they’re as pink as cherry and they’re here for him. Jared wrapped his tongue around Jensen’s tits, which causes the young man a hiss. If he’s lucky enough, he thought, he could taste Jensen’s milk from the man’s tits.

Jensen’s breath went faster and Jared could clearly saw that. His chest was going up and down with a dizzy speed and his heart was beating as messy as a teenager who was afraid to be caught while reading porn for the first time. Jared couldn’t stop himself from a chuckle.

His mouth left Jensen’s tits when they’re all purple and as big as a bullet. Damn! He’s really addicted to those beautiful babies of Jensen!

Jared kisses Jensen one more time. His hands were both on Jensen’s shoulders and he pushed the man against the edge of the pool. Back at those cold bricks, Jensen was attacked by Jared who was then a crazy son of a fish. The kiss then was more violent and possessive. Jared was sucking all of Jensen’s life and he knew it. And he wouldn’t stop until Jensen was fully his. And if he was dead by the lack of oxygen in his lungs for this kiss, Jared wouldn’t care less. He’s drunk. He’s drunk on those lips, those tastes. He’s drunk on Jensen.

"Jared... Easy”, Jensen tried to talk while he’s out of breath.

“Can’t… Won’t… Need you…” Jared said each time attacking Jensen’s lips.

“Jay…”, Jensen swallowed hard between each kiss full of want from Jared.

“Jay…”, Jared swallowed hungrily everything called Jensen.

Everything called Jensen was now Jared’s.

Jared’s tail rubbed Jensen’s lower part which was oversized in comparison with his pants while getting all drunk by his own appetency. He only left Jensen’s mouth when his lungs were screaming for air.

“Wanna swallow you…”, Jared whispered into Jensen’s mouth before possess this human’s pie hole once again.

“You sure?” Jensen swallowed dryly.

“More than anything”, Jared looked right into Jensen’s eyes. Desire was rising in the merman’s eyes.

Jensen tried to catch his breath before knowing that Jared’s hands were already on his crotch. Those teasing and playful touches drove Jensen crazy. Jared dived into the water. His lips were now on Jensen’s private part which was hid behind his wet clothes. He kissed there. It’s like that part was a gift from God. It’s like he would worship that part with his own life. Kiss. Kiss. More kisses. Jared couldn’t stop himself from cosseting this Heaven relic which was getting bigger, heavier. It wanted to tear those fabrics apart to meet Jared. The merman was sure of that.

Jensen was not gonna last long.

“Dammit, Jay!”

Jared slowly took off Jensen’s pants. And there it was! That was it! What a gorgeous sight! What a thick sight! And Jared felt pride was building under his skin. Because hundreds of boys and girls in there were dreaming of Jensen’s gaze, and there he was, giving everything only for him.

That feeling made Jared want to throw everything aside, to break all the rules, to show the world who he was and what he’s capable of for the man he loved. He wanted Jensen to bring him in there and take him, own him, fuck him and play him like a good item in front of thousands jealous and shame eyes. He wanted Jensen to bring him to a market, any market, all markets and stop hiding him in his room. And then he wanted Jensen to put his dick deeply in him, tear him apart, and fuck him in the most violent yet sweetest way ever. And Jared would be smiling by Jensen’s side and looking at those philistines who desired the merman to let them know who he belonged to. Jared wanted to do all those dirtiest, lewdest, sluttiest things with Jensen. And only Jensen could have the rights to do these things with him.

When Jared put Jensen in his mouth, he could feel that Jensen’s abs got tenser. The older grasped Jared’s shoulder and leaned his head back, tried to take the as deepest breath as possible. He felt like he’s drowning and yes, Jensen was drowning. He’s drowning in physical want. He’s drowning in Jared’s purest love.

Jared took his time to swallow Jensen. When he got used to the length and thickness, he moved his tongue. Jared moved it around and used his teeth to rub Jensen’s cock. His nose touched the man’s vulva and nicely pushed himself away from Jensen along with the length. Jared held that slow speed in about a minute before speeding up.

Jensen breathed faster with pleasure. Jared watched Jensen’s expression. He was so charming and perfect. The man’s teeth was biting the bottom lip. His lips sometimes made a confusing O. His Adam apple was raising up and down and so was his chest. Jensen was a God that people should give him all devotion and sacrifice their lives for. But he’s Jared’s.

Jared embraced Jensen’s butts by his hands. The merman was massaging those full bums. Those jogging days, training sessions of Jensen now were worth it when they gave Jared this sight of view. And Jared thought, while swallowing Jensen’s cock as if his life was depending on this moment, that maybe he’s the happiest man in this life. Because Jensen was his.

Jensen moved and started to push his hips. Orgasm was building in each inch of his flesh. Jensen shoved harder and faster. His hand was grabbing Jared’s hair. Jensen stabbed Jared’s mouth by his own monster. Each thrust was powerful and rough as if he’s going to tear Jared apart, destroy his throat, choke him on his dick and cause him dead while a human penis was stuck in his mouth. And Jared let him. Because he would be the fakest fake of all fake if he denied that this moment was the reason why he’d been born. He’d been born to satisfy his lover. He’d been born to satisfy Jensen Ackles.

Jensen’s thrusts got faster. When the first drops of pre-cum fell down on Jared’s tip of tongue, Jared had never feel that horny in his life. His scales were growing apart and the head of his cock was showing along with his beautiful wet pink hole.

“Fuck, Jared! It feels so good, Jay! Gonna cum!”

And Jensen looked down at the water where he met Jared’s eyes. Like a wordless conversation, Jared allowed Jensen to shoot in his mouth.

And when those thick white liquid met water, they mixed and became the thing that Jared hadn’t know he’s hungry for, even more than human soul. He swallowed it. He swallowed as much as he could.

Jensen’s taste was like a combination of sea and earth. Jensen’s taste was like weed.

Jensen sighed, put his beat together when Jared was leaving his softer cock. The merman gave him a quick kiss, a kiss of sea and milt.

“Jesus, Jared!” Jensen pulled the younger in his arms and caresses those shoulders.

“Can’t say I’m not jealous of your ex!” Jensen laughed softly and put a kiss on Jared’s mouth.

There’s some heat rising under the merman’s skin turning his cheeks into bright pink.

“Jay, you alright?” Jensen’s voice was full of worry.

“I… Actually… Um… You don’t need to…”, Jared tried to avoid Jensen’s eyes.

“What?”

“Jen… You’re… You’re my first… I mean, I loved him… But… Um… We’d never gone this far…”

Jared was wondering that between a rose and his face, which one was redder. He felt he got caught, like his secret was just discovered. Jared hopped his ex wouldn’t hear this.

“Hold on, Jay”, Jensen lifted Jared’s chin and forced the boy to look at him. “You’re saying that you’ve only had sex with me? That even this time and that time, it’s just me? That I’m the one who drives you go this far?”

“Um… Yeah… I mean, sex before marriage was forbidden… I’ve never thought of… Ya know…. Swallowing something that isn’t… fish?” Jared bit his lips, tried to find the correct words.

“Holy man!”, Jensen bursted out laugh, “So, how does my “fish” taste?”, winked Jensen.

Jared swore that if he didn’t love Jensen too much, he’s willing to kill this asshole right away.

“Tastes like Jensen”, frowned Jared.

“My God, Jay”, Jensen laughed before pressing his lips on Jared’s once again, “You’re the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen”.

And Jared smiled. He tucked in Jensen’s arms. He’s proud of it. Right now, he couldn’t allow Jensen to take his virginity, because somehow, he still believed in tradiotion. He actually wanted to marry Jensen then let the man take him whole. But Jared knew it didn’t matter. Because this body and this heart, they’re all Jensen’s. And no one, no one had any rights to change it.

Jared leaned his head on Jensen’s shoulder and they both leaned their backs on the edge of the pool. Their lower parts were still wrapping around each other under the water. Suddenly, Jensen remembered the pine and the little star with crescent moon. He gently ran his hand on Jared’s warm skin.

“So, you decorated the tree?” Jensen asked. His eyes didn’t leave the night sky, though.

“Yes”, Jared looked at Jensen as if he’s waiting something.

“Why’s that?”

“Why’s what?”

At the moment, Jensen moved his gaze from those stars to his lover’s hazel eyes. “Why a crescent moon and why a broken star?”

“You tell me. What did you think?” Jared smiled.

And they’re both silent. As if, they understood. They gave each other a sweetest and most romantic kiss ever. That’s a kiss of a broken star and a crescent moon.

_"A star cannot shine without a night sky._  
_A sky cannot bright without the moon light._  
_The moon is not full, but it seems so fine._  
_Perhaps a person cannot rise without his dark side._

_This is the story of no wrong or right._  
_This is the story of a perfect star that cannot shine._  
_This is the story of a crescent moon that burns so bright._  
_This is the story of a night sky._  
_It’s where a broken star finds his perfect moon light._  
_It’s where a person now has a reason to fight._  
_It’s where the connection begins so tight._  
_It’s where I see you by my side."_

**~~~o~~~**

 

Jensen and Jared cuddled for awhile before Ty showed up with a smirk. “Seems like someone just caught himself a big fish”, said the guy. And then, Jensen kissed Jared, asked his permission to go inside for a goodbye to his guests.

When Jensen left, Jared felt peace. He closed his eyes and all he saw was Jensen. His Jensen.

People believed that when in love, they could die for each other. And Jared didn’t want to argue with that, but he felt that the love he gave for Jensen was so much better. Because when Jared’s in love with him, he actually wanted to live. He wanted to live for this love, for Jensen, for himself. He’d never known how to love himself even when he’d been in love with a prince, he’d always felt like he’d never deserved it. But Jensen? He gave Jared a safe feeling. He gave Jared a feeling of being loved by Jensen, by himself, and by people around them. He felt like comparing between his ex and his current lover was something he shouldn’t do. But it’s the truth. Jensen gave him the feeling that no one could. Jensen gave him a feeling like home, like a peaceful sky.

Jared smiled with his thoughts. He let himself loose in the water where he and Jensen’d just written their love a couple minutes ago.

“It’s good to see you happy”

A voice speaking up startled Jared. This familiar voice gave his spine all chill.

Jared turned his head around, towards the voice’s direction. Before his eyes, there was a tall guy with his medium long black hair. He’s wearing a white shirt with medium sleeves and a pair of black pants. His eyes were a combination between dark green and bright blue. And in the middle of the winter night, his eyes were all shining like some kind of sunlight on a summer day. His beard was about half an inch. His lips were showing a smile. But this is a smile of question, anger and misery.

Jared couldn’t breathe anymore. This must be a dream! Please tell him, it’s just a dream!

“What’s wrong?” the man tilted his head to a side, acted like he didn’t quite understand what’s going on.

“Too happy to see me?” he moved towards Jared.

Jared backed off when he’s approaching. The man’s eyes didn’t get off of the younger. When he approached the edge, his eyes were soulless, and lifeless.

“Come here, Jared. Allow me to feel your face, please”, he quietly said. His voice was full of pain.

Jared hesitated, but he did. A part of him was scared and another was curious.

The man’s hand was trembling. His long fingers lightly touched Jared’s face. When their skins met, tears were showing on the man’s face. Jared swallowed. He wanted to say something. But he got nothing to say.

“I miss you”, the man said. “I miss us”

Jared didn’t move. He just avoided the man’s gaze.

Taking a deep breath, the man spoke again. “Did you miss me?”

Jared was silent. Of course, yes. Every day, every hour, every second, he sincerely missed that man. But of course, no. Each day, each hour, each second, his image was gradually fading away when his heart was gradually warming.

“I guess you did… but not as much as I did”

The man lifted Jared’s chin and pressed a kiss on his lips. Jared didn’t close his eyes and it felt so far away.

A salty smile was on the man’s lips. His eyes were full of pain and misery and dark.

"Jared Padalecki! You bitch! You betrayed me!”

He grabbed Jared’s throat tight and startled the merman. Jared tried his best to escape, but he failed.

“You betrayed me! 2 years, Jared! 2 years! I have been locked up and tortured! And none of those days that I’ve stopped trying to live for you! For us! For the love that I believed was forever!”

“Let me go!” Jared struggled.

“And you! You’re here! You’re happy with your new lover! And my Nixie! He’s a human! Jared! A human! The thing that is even more disgusting than the blood running in me! A human!”

Jared opened his eyes widely. Wake up, Jared! Wake up! It’s a nightmare! Wake up!

Slap.

He slapped Jared. And it hurt. That slap was hurt. He’s not dreaming. It’s reality. Or it’s not reality. It’s a nightmare that Jared’d been running away from for so long.

“I’ve loved you, Jared! I want you to be happy! But happy with me, Jared! What does he have that I don’t, Jared? He has legs? Look! I have legs here! And do you know what else that I have? I have the thing that you just sucked in your mouth a couple minutes a go like it’s some kind of holiday candy, Jared! After all these years, I’ve respected you, never gone too far! And you rejected me not because of any fuckin tradition!”

The man dragged Jared out of water and threw him to the ground. He sat on him and pressed Jared’s arms down the sand. His eyes now were not different much from a monster. His two legs were now turning into his giant tentacles and other ones were eventually on full display. They’re all giants. And he looked like a teenage Kappa.

“You just wanted to play with my heart! And he’s the one giving you everything, huh? Those pleasures that you need? Jared, I can give you more than that! If has just one, guess, I got 8 tentacles! 8 for all the holes that need to be filled up. Jared, you want that, right?!”

Jared got panicked. He punched the man’s chest, but the monster was faster. He caught Jared’s hand and pressed him harder on the ground with one of his tentacle.

Tears were on Jared’s cheeks. “Jensen, help me!” he screamed. And he punched the merman. “Shut up!” he groaned and pushed a tentacle in Jared’s throat. Jared was choked and his eyes couldn’t stop watering.

“Please…” Jared begged.

“You should have thought about this before betraying me”, he quietly said. His eyes were all darkness and lust.

“Jensen, please…” Jared quietly said with two blood lines dripping down from his eyes.

Wake up, Jared. Wake up.

 


End file.
